I Hate Him And Myself.

I've been married for 12 years. 4 years into the relationship my husband had had been cheating on me with this one girl. They've been together 4yrs. He wouldn't leave her so I cheated with a coworker for payback huge miatake. My husband ended up finding out and took a letter to my job of my infidelity and posted it everywhere. I was so embarrassed. I've suffered physical mental emotional abuse from this man. We have 3 kids and im so afraid to leave. Honestly i fear for my life.
nella04 nella04
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 23, 2012

Thanks to everyone for reading my story. Even though I live with a monster they ate still some good people out there that are willing to help and support people in need. The title of my story says I hate myself but I had to learn how to love myself again and realize my self worth. I have found god and through him I have found the strength and courage to set my plan in motion. I deserve happiness. I'm more than a worthless ***** more than a punching bag. I'm a person a human being and above all I'm a mother and damn good one at that. (Sorry just venting). I love my kids and I want to live for them. And again I thank all who has read my story and appreciate the support. :)

Nella, I feel so badly for you and your children. Please tell me that you do not fear for your life anymore! As a mother, they need you! They have no one else who loves them more! Hopefully, you can confide in your boss to tell them that your infidelity was "payback" and that you will never do that again! Try to stay on the right path, it's awful, but you may need to tell your husband that he needs to support the children and you and get a divorce. Unfortunately, my experience is that men can be very immature and self centered! It's their nature and mom may never have told you that! If you love your husband, then for your children's sake, you may be able to keep it going until your husband matures. I'm saying that because I don't believe that men are capable of true love if they haven't found it early, until they are much older and wiser. Unfortunately, based upon my understanding and experience with men, if they don't have the "love gene", it may be a lost cause. God bless!

I got a transfer to another location. I was humiliated. I could no longer work there because it got too uncomfortable. But thank u for ur response. I'm not even that kind of person. I admit I've made a mistake but I only apologize to myself. I'm not saying 2 wrongs make it right though. (

Abuse in any form is not good for you. First you need to devise a plan. If you have family that can take you and the children in, do that first. Confide in people you trust about what you are going through. If you have a job, you are already off to a good start. Use any local domestic violence resources you can. Always think safety first. I have been here and you can go on without him. You will no longer live in fear or fear his abuse. This is no way for you to live or your children to live. If you can't find the strength to do it for you, do it for them. You can do this.

He hasn't hit me in a few months and no this is not an excuse. But if we get into and argument about something he says "The only reason ur talking back is because I changed. If I was my old self u wouldn't have much to say." What does that tell u? Is that a threat? As I'm typing this I find myself tearing up because I don't know what I've done in my past life to make me have to go through such pain. Sorry I'm so emotional.

Omg! Itz so hard :( I wish these idiots could read our minds!!

This one that I have is more than an idiot.

Sorry to hear what you are going through.. If things dont improve then you need leave with your kids. It is not a good environment for kids to grow up in. Devise a plan of action.. Build your support system and exit fast. Otherwise try marraige counseling. Is he still with that women?? This is wrong and desrespectful to you on all levels. Next time if he gets violent with you and if he hurts you then keep evidence like pictures, audio recordings and medical reports. Later if needed you can use it as evidence and prosecute him!. Hope this advice helps. Take care