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NOT Worth It

I too hated my husband for a very long time, fell into a deep depression over 10 years, thought this poor marriage had to be my fault. Contrire...It was him..Still hate him, he makes my life hell in little ways still, left 8 months ago, and could not be happier..I left money , stability, and signed up for a new day, new life, and smiles I forgot about.. Regret? Of coarse. I regret I waited 20 years to wake up.....
RAINBOW RAINBOW 41-45, F 65 Responses May 10, 2007

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i hate my husband even though he has tried to be nice to be an occasional outburst would show how much s*** he has in his heart against me. He's very needy, and is always suspicious. But i cant quit because of my F***** up culture.

Congratulations! Seriously, I'm really glad you're happy. I hate my husband right now. I might love him again tomorrow morning, but if I don't love him again my October 31, he's GONE!!!

Woke up and still hate him.......!!!

Haha :)

good job

Thanks for this story. It really, really touched me. I don't know if I will ever get the courage to do what I know I must, but I will think of your last words every day.

You GO girl!!! Been there Done that!!

Oh God, how I needed to read this right now.

You showed him, sister! Now you are free to have the life you deserve!

Has everyone totally given up on their vows? I mean seriously!! Hate is such a strong word. Sounds like I wouldn't even mind killing your husband if given that chance! Shame on you guys!!

I have not given up on soon to be ex-husband has. Successful marriage healthy marriage takes two. If one gives up, the other is wasting their time. And life, as we all know, is short.

Shut the hell up!

Since this was written in 2007, some six years ago. I wonder if she ever found a better life for herself. She has not been on here since that time.

ı just wonder what happened or what made you take the first step ? in between: good luck in your new life ! ı wish ı can do the same !!!

i'm glad you got your life back. Being cheated on is no way to live. I'm glad you're standing on your own two now :) Congratulations on that :))

Absolutely. Own boss.

I m very happy for you finally you re free, you have to take you re life in your hand. .. beware to not falling in the same trap. least you're free now.

You are my hero!

There is just no point in continuing in a relationship that is hurtful. Sooner or later you had to make up your mind. Later does not mean it was too late.
Well done

I agree with hardingphill119... it was awesome that you took a deep breath and fought your way out of that depression and out of that "go no where life" with your ex.

Kudos to you

I hate my husband ive been married 12yrs and dont know how to get out

i really hate my husband he always puts me in awkward position in front of other people especially his my mother in law complained to him about me that was the worst thing coz i always tell her everything and she in turn did that.feeling bad but deep down i know he created my image like that

It took me 14 years to wake up.I hated my husband and his kids more.I know it doesnt seem like a great thing to say but they made my life hell .He didn't work more than 4 weeks at a time he stunk uo the house ,he didnt clean cut the grass take out the garbage etc. his kids constantly lied the last straw was when CPS came to my home and said my son was touching his 11 year old and they questioned him at his school ,I was hell hot angry. He had the nerves to say "It's not that serious ". we constantly have knock down drag out verbal fights over his kids who was supposed to stay with us a wek and it was 3 years before I left..I decided to hell with this and I saved up every penney didn't pay one bill purchased a cheap $800 car .Viewed several apartments that seemed safe and liveable rented a U-Haul and moved out everything in 1 hour I didnt even pack I just tssed things on the trucl.Guess what??/I am now very Happy..No man is worth any woman losing value. can tell you I waited ,I cried ,I prayed ,I forgave and continued to love and give .ow the only giving is for me and my son..You can do it pre-plan and say your gonna do it and just make the 1st step.Once you have you will not believe how light your steps will become as you unload all your stress.

If I was still working (been laid off but job hunting like crazy), I'd be out of here - I was happy when I was single. I've been unhappy for about 10 years (all of my money is tied up in this god-forsaken hose) and downright miserable for the last 1 - 2 years. I'm glad (jealous is more like it!) you got out with your sanity and are able to enjoy life again!

I am happy for you

Wow! It's hard to find strength to even think that a relationship might not be working. I am in one and it's scarey! We have been married for 4 1/2 years and are currently pregnant with our first child (after years if wanting one). We have gone through councelling numerous times but the only time that really worked was when he went by himself, before we married and it helped him "see the light", and that living without me was not an option. After we married, he reverted back to his old ways of silence, lack of interest in me, both physically and emotionally, and lack of respect. I have told myself time and time again that the man who proposed and married me is still there but he refuses to come out, despite councelling, infertility (and getting through it), and me pouring my heart out time and again. It's getting exhausting and depressing and now that we are expecting a child, I am more scared than ever and upset that he still treats me with as little respect as he does. I know he loves me but he doesn't understand how he makes me feel when he leaves me a public events for no reason, when he refuses to talk to me or to be intimate with me in any way, when he shows such a lack of interest in the planning of the arrival of our child, when he refuses to discuss issues of concern, when he never compilimemts me nor tells me I'm beautiful (instead he agrees with me when I say that I look like a "Plump" in my pregnancy) and when he refuses to be involved in many areas of my life. I know hate is a strong word but sometimes I look at him and feel that .... And the funny thing is, he knows it but he doesn't care :(

I had to reply to you because I felt like I wrote this back in 1995 to myself. Get out now. Don't put you and your child through it. I am you...20 years later. I am now miserable. Go read some of my stories. He doesn't hit me, beat me, cheat on me, gamble, drink....nothing. But we are both miserable and hate our lives. It's been detrimental to both of us and our children. Please, please, please. If you love yourself and this baby. Be happy. He's not going to change. Feel free to message me any time you like. I have been there. Hell, I am still there. But I am changing. Good luck, honey.

Mine doesn't hit, beat, gamble, drink, etc either, but I am still miserable. Making me miserable has made him miserable. So much ****** me off that I started a blog to write down every little thing. It feels good to get it out. What really makes me mad is people telling me I should be thrilled that he's a decent man. Like I should be happy that he just pays the bills. I can pay them myself. Might have to get a roommate who hates men now too or work two jobs, but it will be worth it. I hate being this lonely and unhappy when I thought I married someone else.

The baby will only make you regret staying even more. I'm laying by my baby now wishing I had chosen a better father with every breath I take and wondering if divorce is really worse than staying.

@Laura159, When there is no love but just emptiness and there is no connection. He could just be another man on the train as it were. I know what you mean. Coming in to a home that hates you. The walls hate you, the vibes are negative, everything in the home tells you to get lost...
But, you have your life that you ought to live out for yourself too.

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How does one move on? Hatred from my end is the only truth. But I still can't get out of this relationship and leave him.

less than 1 year of marriage. i dont know why we are married..... i knew it wouldnt get any better... just worse.

In the same boat. We had relationship issues early on. Do not know what the heck I was thinking when he told me, yes TOLD ME, we were getting married. Wishing you the best.

Don't be like the rest of us...get on with your life and stop wasting it go out get a life and enjoy it without him. W all deserve it but your are still on time to regret only one year and not ten or twenty.

I think this is the best post I ever read!!!!

I am so glad I found this site. I just googled and all of you are here feeling the same way I feel about my husband of 9 years now. I had a good sincere laugh at one of the post because I thought I posted it. All the similarities are here and gives me hope to follow through with my divorce. I will be filling out the papers tomorrow for sure. I have 2 adult children and we have a 6 year old together. I finally hit my rock bottom and I know I am much stronger than what I was 1 year ago. I did not know his behavior had a name (narcissist). I felt relieved to know I am not the trouble maker in this relationship. I found a picture of a nude woman on his computer 3 weeks ago and he said she was only a friend. I tried to make it up to him by being a little more sexier because I thought it was what he was looking for...wrong!!! This man is just crazy and wants me to believe I am crazy. Thanks to the person that talks about how she left after so many years. No one really wants a divorce, I just want to be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves, respects me, and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. By the way, I knew he was an addict before we married, but I was hoping he could see that I loved him inspite of his faults. I thought I could help to change him into this wonderful person I felt he was on the inside. I assumed he needed a good woman like me to bring him back to life, after all everyone else kicked him to the curve and I didn't want to be so cruel. That was then and thank God I am fully awake now!!!!!

Guess what? I did the same thing. Left him and got my smile back. I was gone for two years and guess what? I came back. Guess what? I am miserble and planning on leaving again. It sucks so bad. I thought I was careful coming back. I thought he really had changed. But the past three months since I have been back he has progressively gone back to his poor me attitude and I am still alone in the house with him. I regret giving it another shot. The stress and disappointment are horrible. I had watched our relationship begin to go back to the way it was, but this week was the straw that broke the camels back. I had a hysterectomy on Monday. Interestingly HE didnt feel good Monday morning. I told him I would go to surgery myself, he pulled the martyr act and pulled himself out of bed to go with me but acted miserable at the hospital. I was the one scared to death. Scared of surgery, scared to lose my uterus, scared of cancer, scared of pain, scared of dying and here he was in a wheelchair tired with a headache and complaining to me like he expected me to baby him. All it did was **** me off. After surgery in my room if I made a comment about pain or not feeling good, it was always countered by him with his problems. The kicker was coming home from the hospital. He dropped off my presc<x>riptions, I told him I needed an abdominal binder and cough medicine. He came back with nothing, said they didnt have it and we were going home he wold come back for my meds. We got home, I asked him to get my purse and flowers from the car, he screamed at me that he would but for me to wait he had to go in and have diarrhea first. It was urgent for him, but he stood there explaining it to me for longer than it would have taken to get the stuff and help me into the house. He came back out and held the dogs back while I made my way up the stairs. He could have put the dogs up and helped me, but he didnt. He came in with me, handed me two pillows and told me to wake him up in 45 min and he would go get my meds. Well he wouldnt get back up. Finally my oldest son came home and I sent him to get it. He didnt realize that I hadnt had pain meds since 6am and he ran around town and didnt come back for a few hours. Husband slept through the whole thing. I was pissed and at one point ask my husband if later he would take care of dinner for us (I was even pissed that I had to ask). My son had to go to work and husb said he would get up later and go get us something to eat. Around 6pm, I asked if he was still planning on getting us something, he said yes. At 8 I asked if he was planning on getting up and going, he said yes. Needless to say he didnt and my son brought home frozen pizza after his shift. It was midnight. Husband still not out of bed today and still has not even asked me how I feel. Honestly I think he is mad at me for not giving him attn for not feeling well. So I hate him again. I really did think maybe we could make it work. But he will never let go of his selfishness and I know I will not be able to deal with that for the rest of my life. I am now angry at myself for even giving him an opportunity. I am even surprised that he wont even try to help me after such a major surgery. It hurts me so much, really hurts. And for the record he is not sick at all. He might have the runs, but there is nothing new wrong with him. If a friend called him and wanted to come over or go to a music show somehow he would be fine. I need to post this in my stories, I started writing about hating him a few years ago and this long post needs to be there too. My husband is selfish and I hate him. You all are right IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

keepgoing, I wonder if you are married to a man I used to date. Your story sounds crazy, but I know that this is exactly the kind of crazy way some men behave. I hope you have found your way free of this man.

My husband is not quite as bad as the ex-boyfriend I mentioned, but is bad enough. I've been with him years after I've desired a divorce :-( Don't have a job, trying to get myself in a place where I can support myself. (sigh)

It's hard not to slip into despair. I think I'm going to scan craigslist for jobs, now!

Im going to take a page out of ur book and just leave.

But HOW...... did you leave???

Yeh for you!

How did you do it? Please shre THAT story for thse of us who want to follow you.

I wish I can do that!