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NOT Worth It

I too hated my husband for a very long time, fell into a deep depression over 10 years, thought this poor marriage had to be my fault. Contrire...It was him..Still hate him, he makes my life hell in little ways still, left 8 months ago, and could not be happier..I left money , stability, and signed up for a new day, new life, and smiles I forgot about.. Regret? Of coarse. I regret I waited 20 years to wake up.....
RAINBOW RAINBOW 41-45, F 65 Responses May 10, 2007

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For almost 12 years I was this kind of a husband. To all the wives and to my wife who went through miserable life with your marriage, I am terribly sorry. Please forgive my self-indulgence, immaturity, un-mindfulness, insensitivity to your feelings and selfishness. I was complacent that I assumed everything is OK. Now she really pissed off that she shouted: ENOUGH. Then I realized everything I did to her that made her miserable. I regret the chances that I missed to make her happy. She's all of my life and I love her. Now, my realization doesn't make sense to her. Should she decide to go free, I need the courage and strength to face the consequence of my actions. She deserved to be happy

Its tough because often tolerant, accepting people don't scream ENOUGH until it is too late to fix things. When I left my ex he tried in many ways to fix things and get me back, but it was too late. I am the kind of person who doesn't say "its over" until it really is and there is no going back. I let him know I was unhappy with our life many times, I wasn't mean and aggressive about it. Maybe I should have been because after going to therapy he realized that because I was still kind, accepting, and loving toward him, even though I hated our lifestyle, he just didn't take it seriously. Maybe if I had been angry and screamed and yelled and thrown things and walked out on him a few times he would have changed. Oh well. To be quite honest I don't regret leaving because the man I am with now is my true love and the man of my dreams. Maybe things happened the way they did for a reason. I still feel sorry for my ex though because he regularly tells me he regrets his behavior and wishes he had changed things before it was too late. I hope it isn't too late for you and you can make changes that will make your wife happy and result in a good marriage for both of you. Good luck.

This is me

*high fiver* congrats for leaving. Now's better to wake up than never! :-D

I hate my husband aswell. Im happy for you to have left. I havent had the strength or guts to do it yet. Im trying to work out a plan on how to do it. Having 3 teenager kids with no money, no support means its going to take alittle longer then i thought.. I hate who i am. A weak women that let her husband .change the person shee is

I did the same. I didn't hate my ex. I loved him, but I didn't like him and I hated the life I had with him. Eventually I stopped loving him in the way that made me want to stay with him. When I finally couldn't take it any more and got the courage to leave, like you, I just walked away. I didn't ask for support, and let him keep the house while my kids and I moved into an apartment. I just wanted out and didn't want to have to deal with any more of his crap. Even though my life became harder for a while, I was much happier. I felt like I was floating on air sometimes because that giant weight I always felt when I was with him was finally off my shoulders. <br />
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Its been over ten years, and I am now with the love of my life and we have a great life together. I can't imagine being happier, and so are my kids. My ex has gone through extensive therapy and realizes the mistakes he made and has told me several times he regrets losing the love of his life because of his selfish, narcissistic behavior. I hold no grudges. I hope that one day he will find a new love and become happy like I am.

When I read your experience, I cried. My wife is just as objective as you. Strong and been very good to me. If I can make her happy again, I am preparing the strength and courage to take her terms.

I feel for you and commend you! I didn't hate my husband too much until my parents died within 3 weeks of each other and then he filed for divorce 6 months later. He said it was because "I had changed". Gee, ya think??? I hate him now and I love hating him! He ruined our family, we have 3 girls, 2 of whom will not speak to me now, he's become a born again "hypocrite" and I LOVE to hate him! He's a fat, ignorant joke and even though he caused me a nervous breakdown after the divorce, I now, couldn't be happier to be on my own. I've been through hell and back and he thinks he's GOD. I can't wait for judgement day! Hate is the only emotion that can purge your soul. Go ahead and hate him as much as you want. It feels so good.

at least youre awakeincanada now, right? LOL coudent pass it up

you all sound the same. strap thathelmet tight, here comes the shorty for ya...BEEP!!!BEEP!!!

I have known your husband for years, he to is happy, now!!

I wish I had your strength!!! I married a selfish, vicious, abusive, egotistical, belittling man. I have been in counseling for over a year because you emotionally and verbally abused me so bad I thought I was at fault for all our problems. And yet, I'm still to chicken to leave. Reading your post brought me some hope. I forgot what it means to be happy...I forgot what it feels like to smile.

I admire you, I am very unhappy with my marriage.

It doesn't matter how long it took it matters you are happy and at peace with yourself.<br />
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I just want mine to croak about the time I am ready to retire t hat would be a blessing!!!

It doesn't matter how long it took it matters you are happy and at peace with yourself.<br />
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I just want mine to croak about the time I am ready to retire t hat would be a blessing!!!

I'm a 32 year old woman, married to my Greek husband for five years but been with him for almost 11. I should have left after I seen all the signs. But instead of thinking with my brain..I thought with my heart.He has no respect for me, to the point when I'm crying because of the awfulk things he does, he gets pissed off and says I have issues. We have two very bueatiful daughters , and i tell them everyday to never have children and grow up to just get married. It's a prison term. I stay at home expected to do everything like his mother did when he was growing up, without needs, without consideration, while like his dad he goes out to the bar twice and sometimes three times a week. I tried buying a slip the other day, just to feel somewhat sexy..and was told why would i need that! " You are a mother!" I feel so old, and undisired. And while I had a row with him earlier, sitting here ready to down a few sleeping pills and a glass of wine writing this and crying; he is down stairs playing video games. The last thing i have ever boughten myself, such as clothing was about a year ago..everything is worn out. I just want to feel like...a woman. Not a slave. I want to be adored and loved upon.I'm so tired of being alone. I have had chances to have an affair...however...he wants to know about everything i'm doing. I don;t get it,, it's not like he gives me any attention, or anything for that matter..never has taken me out. Twice in one year. There are horrific things he has done to me, and because he works eight hours a day at a desk he feels like he can just do what ever he wants.<br />
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What has happened to our society? What has happened to the men in it? Where do they get this idea that because they work for eight hours it's okay to treat us women like complete crap? I remember being young and watching my grandfather working in a ditch for 14 hours a day, come home , kiss my grandmother on the cheek and still find time to take her ball room dancing.<br />
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He wants me to work. As a waitress for the fast cash. He says it's for me..however...he has proven to me over and over again when he takes my entire check. I'm really wondering if dying isnt such a bad idea.

I feel your sadness through the words on the screen. I will pray for you. You are a woman and you dont need him to validate that. I know sometimes you want someone to say something nice or show you some attention, especially from your husband but if he doesnt and you solely rely on him to make you feel worth anything, you will never feel good. Buy yourself a new outfit, fix your her up, take your daughter to a movie cause if you dont present yourself differently than what you have been doing sadly, your daughters will do the same. Children follow by example. Teach them to not need a man to "make" them feel special. you can email me and chat if you would like.

The first thing that comes to my mind is: ''Divorce his sorry a**!!!''. Unfortunately it is not an easy thing to do with this type of man. Scumbags like him are likely to pull some cr*p like threatening to take the children away from you, threatening to get you financially broke, refusing to pay child support, or even becoming violent. So you have to be very smart about this if you ever think about getting out. Do not ever let him know you're thinking about leaving him if such thoughts pass through your mind.

You DO deserve love and happiness and to be treated with kindness and respect. But you won't get it from him, he won't change. Maybe try standing up for yourself a little the next time he says something insulting to you... Maybe go see a counsellor by yourself, at least once, so they can give you advice about what to do in your difficult situation. If he ever lays a hand on you, call the police, get a restraining order so he can't come near you or the children, and get a divorce.

To those of you who have been married 20+, I'm right there with you; too just googled the same thing "I hate my husband"...and it makes me sad and I can't believe i'm sitting here typing on this site or typing those hateful words..I'm frustrated,tired, depressed and like lorimac1008, I've always been such a happy, happy person, but not so much lately. Curious, do your husbands play xbox? My husband is 48, plays all the time and I feel so lonely and so damn frustrated. I've asked and asked for him to just at least tone it down a bit to no avail. Ugh, I don't feel like doing a thing; my house is in disarray, my bills aren't being paid, etc...i'd definitely say i'm a depressed person. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and I feel some comfort knowing there is somewhere I can come to type out my frustrations without having to really discuss it with friends or family.

yes infact right after a row with mine...I'm in tears hurting because of the lack of attention. He is playing Mortal Kombat Live on 360.

To those of you who have been married 20+, I'm right there with you; too just googled the same thing "I hate my husband"...and it makes me sad and I can't believe i'm sitting here typing on this site or typing those hateful words..I'm frustrated,tired, depressed and like lorimac1008, I've always been such a happy, happy person, but not so much lately. Curious, do your husbands play xbox? My husband is 48, plays all the time and I feel so lonely and so damn frustrated. I've asked and asked for him to just at least tone it down a bit to no avail. Ugh, I don't feel like doing a thing; my house is in disarray, my bills aren't being paid, etc...i'd definitely say i'm a depressed person. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and I feel some comfort knowing there is somewhere I can come to type out my frustrations without having to really discuss it with friends or family.

Googling "I hate my husband" brought me to this website and I feel like I found home. Thank you for telling us you left. I'm watching your example. I've been profoundly miserable for more than 20 years and am starting to wonder if maybe it's too late to do anything. I've always been open with my husband about how much I can't stand him but now my anger's showing up in places beyond the marriage: church, friends, the check-out counter, and so on. That's really worrying.

I googled the same thing only with an added expletive. I can relate to the concern you now have for your anger spilling into other areas of your life. It's weird, I am the kind of person who each day wakes up with a smile despite very hard times lately. I put music on. I start pleasant conversation. I know that I am suppose to make a conscious decision to choose to be happy and I do it. By the end of the day, all the effort is for naught. I will have been made miserable by the hateful, sideways comments made by my husband all day long. I choose to ignore the first twenty or thirty and let them roll off my back with the hope of a change in his mood. If there were a Nobel prize for tolerance, I'd be in the running. But sadly, each and every day ends in disappointment. My general happiness is changed to being depressed, and angry. If I get a phone call, I don't take it. If my grandbaby tries to talk to me, I go in my room. If I had a plan to be productive, nothing gets done. Like you, I have become worried. I don't know what's going to happen. But I have a strong feeling something will and very soon. Thanks for letting me share this with you and let me know if things are looking up for you. I'm interested. -LoriMac

I am the same 13 years, my youth is fleeting, my heart is heavy and now his affecting my children.

your success story is music to my ears and encouragement to my soul after 25 years with a disgusting sociopath. Happy days on the horizon.

Good for you ! You only live once. I will leave someday too !

congrats....I am next...

Good for you. Wish I had the funds to leave. <br />
Tried calling lawyers, they only want $$. <br />
Called the police, they can't do anything. <br />
So I'm stuck. <br />
Need to win the lottery.

$14 fill out the paper work yourself.

atleast u had the courage many of us just drop the very idea of giving up hell for heaven coz of family presurre n society presurres... i hate seeing noone else but myself in this situation ... the thing i hated the most today m gong through it... getting married in the age of 21 isnt a wise decision... hes 5 years elder to me but wht ... his family never loved me or accepted me.. n he just acts tht nothing happened... i hv been humiliated by him n his family and i dont think i can take it anymore... i will start working asap.... i feel insecure.. i could hv left this pittyful lonely life... its been 2 years now.. just because i hv my moments wid him... keeps it going.. but i dont till when .... i feel lonely , noone undertsnads me.. i just want independence and right to breathe on my own terms... mty husband says he loves me.. but seriously hes a chicken whose just a man wid words and not a man of words.. he hasnt done anything for me just once took care of me when i got hospitalised... i loved him for tht... but there have been issues i cant tolerate... i just want peace ... i want to reborn as a man... i think thts how one gets freedom in india....ppl say women are free now... but thts not true we r burdened and the most burdened of them all... i love my parents and thats wht keeps me chained... i cant see them going through a deal of emotional trauma coz of me leaving my husband...

atleast u had the courage many of us just drop the very idea of giving up hell for heaven coz of family presurre n society presurres... i hate seeing noone else but myself in this situation ... the thing i hated the most today m gong through it... getting married in the age of 21 isnt a wise decision... hes 5 years elder to me but wht ... his family never loved me or accepted me.. n he just acts tht nothing happened... i hv been humiliated by him n his family and i dont think i can take it anymore... i will start working asap.... i feel insecure.. i could hv left this pittyful lonely life... its been 2 years now.. just because i hv my moments wid him... keeps it going.. but i dont till when .... i feel lonely , noone undertsnads me.. i just want independence and right to breathe on my own terms... mty husband says he loves me.. but seriously hes a chicken whose just a man wid words and not a man of words.. he hasnt done anything for me just once took care of me when i got hospitalised... i loved him for tht... but there have been issues i cant tolerate... i just want peace ... i want to reborn as a man... i think thts how one gets freedom in india....ppl say women are free now... but thts not true we r burdened and the most burdened of them all... i love my parents and thats wht keeps me chained... i cant see them going through a deal of emotional trauma coz of me leaving my husband...

atleast u had the courage many of us just drop the very idea of giving up hell for heaven coz of family presurre n society presurres... i hate seeing noone else but myself in this situation ... the thing i hated the most today m gong through it... getting married in the age of 21 isnt a wise decision... hes 5 years elder to me but wht ... his family never loved me or accepted me.. n he just acts tht nothing happened... i hv been humiliated by him n his family and i dont think i can take it anymore... i will start working asap.... i feel insecure.. i could hv left this pittyful lonely life... its been 2 years now.. just because i hv my moments wid him... keeps it going.. but i dont till when .... i feel lonely , noone undertsnads me.. i just want independence and right to breathe on my own terms... mty husband says he loves me.. but seriously hes a chicken whose just a man wid words and not a man of words.. he hasnt done anything for me just once took care of me when i got hospitalised... i loved him for tht... but there have been issues i cant tolerate... i just want peace ... i want to reborn as a man... i think thts how one gets freedom in india....ppl say women are free now... but thts not true we r burdened and the most burdened of them all... i love my parents and thats wht keeps me chained... i cant see them going through a deal of emotional trauma coz of me leaving my husband...

Don't have kids and if u do run, it gets worse! My husband has never stuck up for me ever. Open your eyes is he selfish and never listens to you? Then run.

Awesome! That takes a lot of courage. May I ask, do you have kids? I find the whole having kids together complicates the divorce angle. Although of course I was with my husbando for years before we had kids and should have left him when it was much easier to do so.

I keep thinking... if I finally make him leave, I will have the joy, energy and motivation to earn the $2K more I will need per month because of having two households...

I hope some day I find the courage and strength to do the same. I am very happy for you.

Hurray! U go gal ! and better b late than never :p

congratulations ..on a new and better life

oh my goodness. Congratulations.