How Did This Become My Life?

We have been married 14 years. I don't know how it came to this. He used to be a different person. I am not sure how he became what he is today. He is mean and emotionally abusive. About every three months he really loses it and for a week or more will yell at me and call me names like F*&ing *****, and F*&ing stupid. The f*^%ing ***** name calling came about because I disagreed with him about throwing trash away without a trash bag and asked him not to throw trash in the trash can without a trash bag. He criticizes everything I do and tells me the way I could do everything better. The other day he told me how to mop the floor in a better way. He is an alcoholic and smokes pot every evening. We can't even go anywhere because he has to start drinking and and smoking by 5 at the latest, as soon as he gets off work. Why don't I leave? I live in Idaho and they tend to split custody 50/50 no matter what and I am terrified he would get my boys half time. He presents so well to everyone else, they don't know any of this and think he is the nicest guy. No one sees how he really is. Would they even believe me? I have two little boys and I can't imagine how they would fare with him. He is a pig and cleans nothing. He is so lazy, he urinates in bottles during the night just so he doesn't have to get up. Needless to say we sleep in different rooms. I just don't know how to survive this but I am terrified to leave because how could I leave my kids with this person. In Idaho they would never consider him unfit. In Idaho they will give fathers custody and just tell them not to drink in front of children if they are alcoholics. I don't know what to do but this is not a life. I guess I just need to know I am not alone. That somehow I can get out of this. I am just so sad and lonely. Second guessing every word that comes out of m mouth so I don't set him off or get him started on ranting about all the ways I should do things differently is miserable.
fizzgig9 fizzgig9
3 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I know its hard to leave believe me because if it was simple i would already be gone. But i would rather be unhappy and always where our son is than happy and not having any idea whats going on when he has our 2 year old. Im sorry your going through this. Its ridiculous that guys act the way they do

Please. You need to think about your children. I know its hard to make life changing decisions. Its so easy to remain in a familiar or comfortable spot. But look at what they are seeing as the family dynamic. Kids are perceptive, too. They probably pick up on a lot mote than you realize. But they are also resilient and adaptive. They know love from a parent. The greatest thing you can do for them is love them, protect them and show them that this is not how families operate. Be strong. You are not alone. =)

I feel very bad for you. Nobody deserves this. When the courts hear about his drug use I can't imagine that you would not get full custody. You should leave him now. Life is too short. I don't think that you will ever regret leaving. Take your kids out of this bad situation, reach out to friends, family and God for help and you will be happy again. It will be hard at first but you will be glad you did. I wish the best for you