Deciet

i met my husband of 1 year on line.....he claimed to want just what I was hunting for a person to marry that had the same goals & desires...he was a good fake.. ..he told me he didn't have a temper. never drank alcohol.....lived everyday to the fullest.....wanted to be one in Christ like the Bible explains.....in my profile I claimed I wanted it all....love, honesty ,giving 100% always uplifting a mate....I wanted someone who wanted the same....he claimed he was wanting exactly the same thing...we wanted to have a Christian marriage....I found out he had trouble with alcohol...struggled with anger problems...he even claimed to not smoke.....but after we dated for a while he said he recently gave it up ...& asked permission to have one....I understood...after all he was quitting...but that wasn't true either.....Im not judging him....its the lies I don't like...pretending to be something he wasn't.....I feel he took away my choice...of whether to date him or not..I married a person I didn't even know...& we all do....but this was a planned deception..it was a preconceived plan...why I don't know...???? I don't like the word hate....this isn't Christian...God wants us to love our enemies.....I feel so guilty sometimes fro feeling this strong dislike for him...I tell myself its the things he does I hate.....not him....its hard to separate the 2.....I pray for him for God to bless him like the Bible tells us to do......& he is doing better..since he "accidentally" fractured my nose....hes tryed to explain it away...he didn't remember he did it....now its he meant to push me away on my shoulders not m face...or maybe it was the tape that hit my face he grabbed out of my hand...he said he's sorry he accidently did it....& it won't happen again....hes being an angel now...used tone it was just emotional abuse...I said Id walk if it was ever physical...Im still here cause it happened fast & Im giving him benefit of doubt...my faith in God to change him is what Im waiting on..if he changes back its over..I feel strong dislike sometimes toward him...& I don't want these feelings...how can I make them go away?
heartbrokenmanytimesover heartbrokenmanytimesover
46-50, F
Dec 5, 2012