I Am Married With A Guy Who Ruins My Life Without Any Excuse

hi.. today i just found myself googling the words : ' i hate my husband' and here i am..
i have been married almost 4 years with my husband who is a clean freak.. i hate everthing about cleanning ceremony of him. he has OCD about cleaning and he thinks everything in this world is dirty. he does not allow my parents to visit us and any of friends are not allowed to come to home.. actually for last years; i noticed that i also hate my home..i do not call the place as my home. i work very late on dailiy basis and trying to come home late.. you must see my home.. everythins is isolated according to their dirty levels..sound crazy?? yes.. when i go out, i have to have a shower when i am back to home. i am not allowed to touch anything before i had a shower. when i visit my mother's home , i have to take a long-detailed shower ( not a simple quick one ) cuz; my mother's home dirtiness level is higher according to him, same holds for his parents home.. also they are not allowed to visit us..he works with his father and he sometimes goes to works sometimes not...he has his own room which he calls ' dirty room '. if you enter his room, you have to clean yourself before you use the other parts of the house..it kills me more than driving me crazy.. i argue with him , i try to help him to overcome but it does not work. i am a woman, i do have some needs, i want my husband next to me. let me explain you my one simple 24 hours. i wake up very early and go to work, i work in a very stressful position in a healthcare company and i earn money for our living and back to home. i have to take a shower before i touch any place in the home. i take a shower, i cook and i watch tv. during of my activies, he comes from work to home, he enters his dirty room and he stays there. he sleeps there, he eats there..
when i say, i feel lonely, he only says; he will fix everything.. 4 years.. same bullshit. now today is sunday. i just want to go out and have a window shooping in hand in hand with my husband but do you know what he is doing? he is sleeping in his dirty room.. everyday is same.. evry day i start with a hope and end with my tears.. just wanted to have a warm and peacefull familiy life................
doddles82 doddles82
31-35, F
12 Responses Dec 30, 2012

He has to get therapy for OCD, there was a woman in the paper who was doing the same things, who got help and takes it a day at a time.

If it's any consolation, when my husband has been in a room, about 5 minutes later, I can tell he's been in there by the stench. He's turned beige couches dark grey, same with carpet. He NEVER takes a shower, or does anything when he's at home, except eat, sleep, read paper, tv/laptop. He literally crapped his pants one time, I could tell by the stench, he's that lazy. Needless to say, I don't sleep with him. It's really bad when he uses the bathroom, doesn't wash his hands, goes in the kitchen, sticks his hands in the bread bag, and touches the clean dishes. That's only a bit of it all.

It's good to have Lysol.

My husband has a similar issue with "one track mind" thinking. I introduce him to one thing/event we finally enjoy together but after that I get to hear about it everyday for weeks with no end. I can't cope with it any longer. I can not help but wonder if I would have known then what I know now would I have ever married?

Before you divorce try to make things better. Go into his room& suggestedly say "Look Fred, I am sick of having to constantly shower when I come home or come into this damned room just to speak with you! I dont feel its fair that for one, YOU are allowed to have a dirty room but I am not. I feel as if you use the dirty room as a wall between us, hoping that everytime I walk in here to speak with you, you can shoo me out where I have to shower. I am lonely I have needs, I would like to hang out with you.. I would like to do things but you are to stuck on your OCD to help me help you! I also dont feel its fair that you put more work into cleaning everything than in our relationship. I am tired of feeling like a prisoner & not being able to bring OUR family over just because of your issues. I am giving you an ultimatum.

You either get dressed right now & come & do (so & so) or I will seriously be reconsidering this marriage."

There is no point in continuing in a relationship that has nothing more to offer and enjoy. If all forms of retrieving the marriage has failed or there is no love in the marriage it is time to say good bye.

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I know the feeling, what if you invited some friends over?

i do not know.. probably he would throw himself from window :)

problem solved :)

It's your home too,

i do not feel in that way..this house seems like my prison.

I'm sorry. I assume he wasn't always like this?

i assumed he would not like this in his own house..

i do not know what shoul i do in.. (yes i know i need a divorce!!! ) but i am scared to death of making everybody upset about me.. i do not speak about this with any of my familiy members. my mother has a hearth disease and i do not want to upset her about my stuff.. i do not know.. maybe i do not have enough coverage.........................

if your mom isn't even allowed to come over your house...she probably knows something is wrong. It might be helpful if you admitted what has been going on to someone. You could see a therapist if you are worried about someone keeping what you say to themselves. Perhaps they might even be able to give you some tools for dealing with your hubby's behavior.

Thx jeanemae.. you are right about my mum.. the thing is i am saying now Enough...i do not want to deal with his stupid annoying things.. just need some peace.. a place where i call 'home'.. someone whom i call 'lover'...i need this and he does not help me.. he never tried actually.. i cried and i figured out by myself.. i need some coverage maybe.. i do not know.. the only thing is l do not want to live rest of my life like this..

no, it does sound like it would be torturous to continue on this path. Action does seem called for. If you are "done" trying you should leave. If you want to give it one more chance, perhaps you should try the ultimatum of therapy for the both of you and require him to make and effort...or you will be gone. You have to mean whatever you choose though...because follow-through is very important.

he need help not a normal behavior................geez I should let him loose in my SIL or even
Brothers house both hoarders with stuff everywhere he would freak...

going along with his whims doesn't seemed to have done anything but allow him to control you. He he won't get help...you need to leave. It sounds like he's too far into his obsessions for him really to take note of your needs anyway.

yes.. maybe i should call him 'selfish more than sick'

He's sick...don't get me wrong...but if he's unwilling to do anything about it... that doesn't mean you should just accept being imprisoned by his impulses.