I Hate This Thing I Live With!!!!

I have been reading some of the stories on here and OMG I am wondering if they are all from the same spawn of satan.
I was married for 31 years to the best man that God ever created. I lost him in a motorcycle accident in 2007. When I met this THING, I was really leary at first because he is an ex felon, Damn I should have stayed away like I wanted to but, he was nice and courteous and generous. He said he knew he had screwed up and wanted to have a life with a loving family. He said he was a Christian man and so sex was out of the question. We went through the ceremony and on our first night NOTHING!!! So now a year down the road we have slept together 3 times and each time was about 3 seconds long, when he gets satisfied he laughs so of course no chance of me feeling anything.. The SOB has a job that during the week keeps him gone most of the day, lousy pay but, between the both of us we keep the house going. He sleeps holding onto his less then a man part, and he sleeps ALL the time.. He yells, screams, and thinks he is the man of the house when this THING is so stupid that my damn dog outsmarts him and hes just a pup. He brought nothing in to the relationship except a broken down car he gave away. Me, I came in with EVERYTHING, why? Cuz I was married to the greatest man in the world who would work, and had a future!!! My family thinks that he is a great guy, that he SAVED me.. OMG I wanna yell and say are you joking?? He is nothing and I hate him with a passion.. I cant think of anyone I have ever hated more in my life.. How do you leave when you are 50 and have horses and a pup and bills and no way of making it financially on my own?? He says if I leave him he will kill me and right now that sounds better then this.. I am afraid of him retaliating on my family, I am afraid for them.. I want out!!!!! How can I learn to deal with him until I can get out...
ineedloved ineedloved
2 Responses Dec 31, 2012

Your life is SO similar to my life....well more like our men. I too am with an ex-felon who claimed that was his past and he had learned from his mistakes. Our sex life is the same as yours....only we have sex 6 or 7 times a year and it lasts 30 seconds. My bf sleeps the same way and all the time as well. He works from home so if he isn't sleeping he is on the phone, computer and watches tv all the same time... He yells, is angry, and acts unhappy all the time. My bf moved in and brought a car load of crap into our relationship and I too had everything because I was with the same man for 21 years. Most of the time I hate him because he is mean spirited and can turn any positive situation into something negative...We just had a baby ten months ago so I'm trying hard to make this work and I do make good money but have three children from my previous marriage so I'm afraid I don't make enough to support us all. He has never threatened to kill me but he does threaten to do things to my life to ruin me. I can't believe there are so many a**ho*e men from the same mold....

Wow I am so glad that I am NOT the only one. Your fairly young if you just had a baby 10 months ago.. It is scary especially when you have young ones and I dont care what people say or think, sometimes we do things and accept things because of our children. I hate not being able to talk and have a conversation, I totally dislike the fact that I don't feel like a woman because he doesnt touch me even outside of not having sex. Everything about his life even though its not bad he makes it a negative and in doing so it brings me down. I fear the longer that I stay here the more I will get used to it always wanting to leave but, wont. I even thought about cheating just so that I could keep that part of me that longs to be held but, I wont out of fear. Sweetie I wish that there was something that I could say to you but, I will be here if you want to talk.. I am finding that it helps some to be able to say what it is that I am thinking on here without to much judgement!!!

I'm not young...lol... I had the baby when I was 40...but I will tell you having 4 kids keeps me young. I too don't get touched unless I start it....and well that does get old always being the one to start it....He has actually pushed me away when I tried to hug him, kiss him, or try to start something sexual between us... I gave up trying to be touchy at all with him because being pushed away hurts FAR worse than not being touched at all. I would totally take this all very personnel if it weren't for the fact that my ex of 21 years couldn't EVER get enough of me and if it we're up to my ex we would have done it every day. I have no clue how I happen to find two men on the complete opposite of the spectrum. This relationship is SO cold. I feel like he truly thinks I'm his enemy.....it's so crazy. This man has had a driver's license for 3 months out of the four years that we've been together and it looks as though he won't be getting it for at least 3 more years. I keep kissing this man's a** in hopes that some day he will snap out of his anger. His entire family thinks that he is a different better person since we've been together.... but really he can be very charming when he needs to be his family has

no clue how he makes my life a living hell. I have told them things here and there but if his brother says anything to him he freaks out on me because I'm telling people our personal business.... I won't talk to his family anymore because it makes matters worse. I often wonder at times if he is so mad and cold towards me because spending time in prison here and there years ago has made him that way.

Wow bet they are brothers from another mother.. It's like looking in the mirror and it's also nice to know that I share the same experience as someone else although I have to say that I am sorry. I woke up this morning saying I just cant do this anymore. I put the horses up on craigslist, better for them since its gonna be hard being on my own. I refuse to live with kids!! I am only 50 and I want to know what it feels like to truly kiss someone again, to sit and cuddle and hold hands and to actually make love. I know that I am going to have to explain to my family and some of them will not believe that he is that kind of person and I dont care if they understand or not, this is my life and I have to start living it before I die. I understand where you said that you went from one kind of man to an ex-felon I am the same way he is totally opposite of what I was once blessed with I thought God was punishing me. So will keep my faith as tight as I can and hope that within the next few months I will make the break from my prison. Thank you for writing..

Good luck with everything I will pray that everything works out for you....keep me updated. I agree that it definitely helps knowing that there are other women out there dealing with the same issues. One thing about my bf and I, is we still do have some really goods times together but when it's bad...it's really bad. Glad I found this site it seems to help reading other women's stories and venting my own... thank YOU for writing as well!!!

2 More Responses

Record him saying he will kill you, then hire an attorney. File a police restraining order, get s friend you help move you and your pup out
This man is psychotic.

Yes I think I will sure is scary pushing him to that point though.. Thank you!!