Frustrated Newlywed

I never thought in a million years that I would be in the position that I am in. If someone would have told me I wouldn't have believe them. But here I am, I am a newlywed. I have been married for 4 mos. and 7 days and I have a horrible sex life. My husband seems to have ED and claims that it just started in 2012 with me and he has never had this problem before. Sadly to say is I DON'T BELIEVE HIM. I don't believe my husband because it's so severe. I don't believe my husband because it took for me to make him an appointment to find out what it wrong. I don't believe my husband because his nonchalant actions shows otherwise. For example, if I was a man and my stuff has been working and I have never had any problems the minute it stops working I'M CALLING IN THE ARMED FORCES, because we have a problem that needs to get fixed ASAP. He doesn't even get erections when laying in the bed with me and im naked. Which I don't understand because strangers screw all the time without emotional attachment let alone affection needing to take place. I have been telling him to go see a Primary care physician for over 6 mos and he just now made an appointment. I guess what I am trying to express is that with his slowness of trying to get things fixed it seems as though he has been dealing with this issue and it's no biggie to him. Over the course of us dating I expressed deeply that sex is a major deal to me. Now we chose to do things the right way and not engage in pre-marital sex of course I tested it out to make sure the package was good and it was. But I did find it strange how he was okay with the fact of not engaging in sex, some men after testing it out is like oh well we have already done the deed LOL. It's almost as if he was hiding behind the whole idea of doing things the right way. So here we are 4 mos and 7 days in and I am contemplating leaving! I don't think that I can live like this. Our sex life is based on how he's feeling and when and if he can perform. I was celibate for almost 2 years, met him and now that I have said I do I feel like I am being punished. I was getting more **** (excuse the language) when I was single. I feel like my conjugal rights have been ******** of me. But don't be confused because I know it's not me my Stuff works and is alive. I'm so horny I think my Va G G has a heartbeat. We are newlyweds we should be going at it like jackrabbits but im lucky if I get some once in a week. I think what really ****** me off is while doing some reading and research there are a lot of stereotypical articles out there that paint a picture as if "US WIVES" don't like sex?? That is such a LIE! I love sex, Sex is a beautiful thing between a married man and woman. But when you don't have that connection your relationship is being set up for failure because growth as a couple can not take place. The bond can't grow, and becoming "One Flesh" isn't taking place either. I figure writing about it will be a good outlet because I am sexually frustrated in so many ways and I am thinking things a married woman should not be thinking. Is there anyone else going through this? I am opened to your thoughts!
InquiringMinds247 InquiringMinds247
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 17, 2013

I wouldn't believe it either. Too often men try and save face by saying "But I swear this has *never* happened before!" It probably has, more than once, and he's trying to save HIS feelings only....yours don't matter (as evidenced by the fact that he tells you it just started and he isn't trying to fix it.). Drop him like a used kleenex and then run fast and far. Let him fix his own problems on his own.

I do support you and believe there are grounds for divorce-- Withholding sex and intimacy is grounds for divorce. Your relationship will not recovery unless he does a 180 degree turn and takes action soon!

Is he a virgin?. I'm asking because he may be worried about pleasing you and its had the opposite effect. Also, and this is in no way a criticism but if you're frustrated you might be putting pressure on him that will also make the problem worse. Try pleasuring yourself while he watches...does he get aroused?....I know that you want him inside you...try if you can to slow it down and take the pressure off you both

Good luck honey

No he's no virgin let him tell it he use to be "The Man" go figure!! Getting aroused is not easy for him neither is lasting...I'm Doomed!!

I personally never understood how or why men state the number of sexual conquest is higher than the truth . I think it was a movie I heard this from " men multiply by 3 and women divide by 3 when stating the number of people the have been with." I laughed my butt off so true. I am a guy know that to be true in most cases. But always found myself when asked never wanting a high number. I also do not have a high number that I believe is. But that's why you usually state that quick number and go with it. And any additional that you think of later you keep to yourself . Hopefully you got a laugh thought you could use a "truth" chuckle. I wish you the best .

Thank you that was a good laugh!! I never heard of the divide by 3 for men..too funny!!

Do you believe he might be cheating? If he can not have sex with you then he should be more than happy to service his wife in other ways to keep her happy.

I donl't think he's cheating, and he does try to please me in other ways but you get tired of oral when you want is the..well you know!

I do know. It's the way our brains are wired. We look for that emotional as well as pleasure to having sex. We want to be held and passionately made love to. Take this from a married woman with a husband who has a high sex drive and was taken care of daily but still cheated, go see a marriage counselor and talk about the problem with your husband and how it frustrates you how he acts about the situation. Mediation does help in some cases... Good luck lovely.

We went to see a sex therapist and she told him it sounds like it's all in his head? So that's letting me know that if he doesn't get it together I'm screwed because there is nothing I can do if he lacks confidence, low self esteem whatever the case may be he has to find the light himself especially if you dont believe when one is praising you!

You have to try and get him to tell you what the REAL issue is. I can't help but wonder if he was molested or had some other traumatic event that has happened to him...

I asked him if he was molested he said no...

2 More Responses

Grounds for an annulment.

From what I am hearing annulments are not that easy...Divorce is easier :(