Fed Up Finally!

I met my husband 10 years ago after a bad 1st marriage to a physically abusive man. It has now taken me this long to figure out that I once again married an abuser (but a different type.) This one is worse and I can tell you that even with all of the physical abuse from my 1st marriage that I never hated that man- It was difficult to leave the first husband because I loved him.

This tyrant- DH #2 just happened to be loyal and quiet at the time I met him. I did not know that he was living off his"rich" mother and step father and he appeared to have his life together. I knew he would be loyal and he appeared to be good with my sons and children which really is the reason I fell in love with him in the first place.

I moved in with him after a few months of courting, and although I saw a few signs of quirks he had- I thought anything could be better than what I had had- BOY was I wrong. It almost started immediately after we moved in together- the control, the abuse on my sons emotionally, physically, and mentally. I got pregnant about 2 years in but was still blindly giving everything hope- she was born and he we had a decent year (he was not working- but living off unemployment then) something he loves to do.

I married him- thats when it all changed- He has allowed me to work profusely to keep up his lifestyle- I work, Im the breadwinner, I clean, I cook, I take care of the bills, stresses, and everything. I cook well- but he likes gourmet food so if its not what he likes I get punished like a child- he pitches tantrums daily as he stomps around and throws things around if one thing out of place, if something is missing of his someone stole it, or it is my boys fault, he doesnt talk to me, he talks at me, and let u know he is not intelligent the man cant spell or do much of anything that requires thinking BUT he will be the first to remind you for being humanly flawed "to use your head"

I live alone as my daughter still sleeps in bed with us, we have no intimate life, and never really have from the get go (sometimes I wonder if he is gay) I am an attractive woman who has now secluded herself in this home to take care of his every need, and make sure that everything is to his standards and expectations. Does he expect this out of himself (no) The biggest hypocrite you ever met. All he does is eat, *****, scream, nag, torment, play video games, watch TV, and sleep. He must live to make everyone miserable,

He never smiles, laughs- nothing. He does not show any other emotion other than contempt, rage, anger, and entitlement that everything is about him, I, me, my, mine- Hes like a 2 year old when it comes to these things. Everything is his- but he works for nothing. He procrastinates and I also believe he is passive aggressive, but- more aggressive than anything.

He does not speak to any of his family at all. Hes hit me punched me, broke my sons arm over an iPod, threatened to kick my teeth in, and believe you me - I am easy going and submissive. I live in fear that the kids will forget the proper protocol or my oldest son will stick up for me and my husband will again assault him. He ignores me, doesn't listen when I am speaking, and others have seen his rudeness and neighbors are aware of his behaviors as they tell me to leave that they hear him screaming at me all the time.

He threatens to leave- (wish he would) but never does- why should he- he can make our lives hell, live off me easy, get his way, run the dictatorship, keep me in submission and in fear and never ever answer to his behaviors...EVER.

I cry all the time, dont have time to do much of anything because I work 60-70 hours a week on top of keeping everything else straight and free of conflict.

Oh and did I mention I have cancer ( 5 surgeries last year and still managed to keep up with everything ( u think I got any support from him- no he didnt even go to one surgery with me ) I need chemo- but if i get treatment we will lose everything- when i asked him what I should do he said well I am not going to work- he said guess we will lose everything. so I have not followed through on any other doctors appointments because I have to take care of my family before me.

I know I am valuable- I know I am smart, pretty and worthy, so although he has crushed my spirit and I feel to blame all the time- I realize that he is just miserable and he will be for the rest of his life-- people dont change- I cant fix him, love it out of him, nothing- even if i were perfect- he would not be happy- I miss the flawed, bubbly, happy, ambitious, girl I was before he came in my life.

Its a matter of a week or two and Im gone. I have to do it "Katie Holmes" or else he will punish me- I cant just sit down and tell him or everything will be destroyed in his fit of rage and violence so right now- Im playing house in hell for a little while longer--then its going to be awesome from there....

Im fed up and Im really leaving and he is not even seeing it coming-

An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 27, 2013

I hate my wife been married 8 yrs cant breathe anymore I run round everywhere for her I do the housework I dont go out and she is like a teenager towels on the floor stuff like that and she does nothing but criticize last year I snapped was nearly section ed after trying to kill myself im better now but ive changed ive woke up and I want to live x

you are very strong woman and i'm sorry you have to go to through this horror go and save your well being and children it will get worse , i ran too and now i have my courage back and peace , be brave and go ! your children ~ you do not deserve the abuse

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. Especially that you are sick, you need to take care of yourself first! and yes you should leave him Katie Holmes style, but please take care of yourself !! I wish you a complete recovery, and after a very happy life with a guy who will treat you like a queen!