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Hopeful

My husband is no good, he treats me worse than a dog, my kids also, he told our oldest daughter today we don't want you, your a fat ( size 5) worthless piece of crap.
He calls my son the re---- word, my son has special needs, he tells the kids he never wanted any of them all 3 the youngest is 7 month and is a absolute doll, I hate him, he talks about my mom who passed away. He's very mentally abusive, I want out I've been with him over 22 years, 2 months after the baby I had to have surgery, I had to drive myself there and back home after recovery, I couldn't even walk when I came home he said make me something to eat, I'm alone both my parents are gone and I have no siblings, I have 1 friend I talk to, he made sure I lost all my friends, I have no one to turn to. He told me he hopes I die a painful death like your mother did. I'm going back to work soon.
KrissyX KrissyX 36-40, F 13 Responses Feb 2, 2013

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That's such a shame that mental abuse isn't recognised! I have lived through both with my husband of 8 years!! Started becoming physical after the birth of our children. I pressed charges he was ordered to attend domestic violence classes I then stupidly took him back! Now he no longer hits me but the mental abuse is horrendous! The name calling, put downs - I would honestly prefer big bruises then this emotional scarring.. At least they heal! As long as I stay with him I will have no quality of life (took me this long to realise) I am currently in the stage of making an action plan! Setting aside money etc away bit by bit in order to get out for good! I can't wait until this nightmare is over!! I wish you all the success on getting you and your children out also - we deserve better!

You commented on my last story, and I went on your profile and saw this. I feel I have to comment. The issues I have with my Mother all pretty much stem from the fact that my Step-Dad was abusive. Verbally with me, physically with her. We got out. There is a lot of unresolved issues between us, but she left. Sometimes the idea that we escaped makes me so happy I feel dizzy, it seems impossible.
The truth is that there is a lot of pressure. Financially, emotionally. I wouldn't trade it for being back there with him though.
I've always felt angry on some level that she didn't leave, that I was a child then and I had to go through it. Tonight we talked about a lot of this for the first time, how we really felt.
She said she never left before because she truly thought there was nowhere to go, and all the options seemed so horrible. Tearing me out of school to go live in a women's shelter or something like that. But I would have given anything in the world for her to have left him then! I would have loved it if she'd done that! I thought she didn't care, and in her mind she was in that situation because she did care.
In the end when we left we ended up in a single room cabin in a holiday park at the other side of the state. We had to walk a great distance to go to a bathroom, it was cramped and terrible. She was stressed and in shock, but I (as the child in the situation) was happier than I had been in years. I had my Mum back.
It's over. Completely over. We have some tension between us, but the wounds are healing. She's become so strong. Please don't let the fear of where to go put you off. As long as there is love, you will be so much happier. And if your kids are younger then don't let the fear of seeming like the villain put you off, they will understand one day and forgive you.
It will be hard, really hard, but only for a short amount of time. It's so worth it, for you and your children.

Thanks for your reply, I'm glad things are working out for you, I was thinking about you,
I'm a strong person, It will be hard but, I think we will be fine, once we get out. Thanks so much, good luck to you.

Thank you everyone for your responses and kind words, I'm working on getting out, the women's shelters here are for physically abused with proof, verbal abuse is not a crime, so I'm told, well it should be. sometimes its mentally worse than physical abuse. It digs deeper and the scars remain, if I had somewhere to go I would be long gone, he was a good person for many years,he was a good father then when he had a affair with a married woman it all changed, his personality, behavior, I gave him another chance and it was good for awhile, then the last 9 months or so he started acting like that again, Another affair? I don't know, at this point they can have him if that's what it is, I had enough I have be to good to him. My kids deserve better and now I finally realize that I do too. He plays mind games, he knows what hurts me. And he's good at it.
I'm working on it, and hopefully soon our nightmare will be over.

Ouch.. again, it's always easier said than done, but I think deep down if it came to my kids & they were being mistreated in that way, I'd walk & fast. Their future is in YOUR hands... I always say my kids are the ONLY thing I don't want to F up. PLEASE, if you can't go for yourself, do it for the kids- he sounds horrible. Ugh. My heart aches for you & the children.

Krissy please take the steps to help yourself and the kids. I grew up in that enviroment and then married the same kind of guy. It took me awhile to realize what I had done and find a way to get out. I don't know where you live, but please seek some counselling through your closest women shelter and they will know all the resoourses available in your area. Be strong. I found some great freinds while going to group therapy through my women's shelter. We are like family and support each other and help each other on our path to healing. Take care.

HI. I hope since you're written this that you have done something towards getting out. It's very clear to me that you're dealing with a Narcissist. It won't get better EVER you need to get out. I am willing to talk with you if you want anyone to talk to. I've been there. As someone advised, save up money, don't let him know and start working on a plan to get out. If you have to go to a women's shelter. any way you can GET HELP! I truly feel for you and your kids.....and prayer can't hurt. hugs

He would wake up to a burning bed. Or he would have a pot of hot grits thrown in his face.
Only you know what to do when to do it. I can say leave him but if that was the case you would have been gone a long time ago.
You are still having kids with him so it must be something there for you to stay and still have sex with him.
He is very abusive toward you and the kids and if you don't get out now, you will not know what true love is when it comes your way. The kids will grow up to be just a evil as the dad maybe even worse.
I see a lifetime of heartache and pain for you and the kids if you continue to stay and let the kids get mistreated like they are doing.
Take care of your kids.
If you don't get out for yourself at least do it for the kids.
REMEMBER: he is doing this because you allow him to do it!!!

I'm sorry you are going through this, no one should. I hope you find the strength and the means to divorce him. It's better for you and the kids. Go and be happy, you deserve to be!

What sux is that you want to do the best for your kid but it's hard bc you get stuck. If you can find a place to go that would be best but I know that isn't always possible. Just hold on and pray bc that's the only way you can get through it. There is a book I suggest reading "battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer. It's great....you won't want to put it down. God bless and good luck!

Thanks for the advise I use to watch Joyce all the time in the morning.

This really bugs me. Do you know why? Because I was your daughter, however most of the abuse was from my stepfather. My advise is right along with everyone elses but what I really would like to ask is if you have talked to your son or daughter about the way they are talked to? If you haven't please consider finding the right words to tell them how much they mean to you. If you don't they may resent you for having them in that environment. These are the best years of their lives. Don' t let him ruin it for you or them. Also, you have to keep in mind that children find a way to blaim themselves. I am 33 and still wonder why I am not good enough for my parents. They barely like me. I can tell. Because actions speak louder then words. Please protect the children from this hurt and they will love you for eternity. I promise. xoxo if not they may end up like me.... bitter and angry
Best of luck to you

Thanks for replying, I do talk to them, I explain he is an angry person, he must not be happy with his own life, so he make everyone's life hell, they know I love them more than anything, and they always have me, and they know I'm doing my best to get out of the situation.
I'm sorry for what you experienced going up, I never endured that my family was loving, my parents split when I was a baby and I was raised by my step father and he raised me like his own, very good to me, so to live like this, my hearts breaks for my kids. I wish I could leave today. I'm sure your mother loves you, how can a mother not love her child, maybe she doesn't know how to express it.
Thanks for listening and I'm here for you if you need me to listen.

Yeah go back to work as soon as you can and save save save! Just make an action plan before you leave him. But you will need money. Good luck

Thank you

Your husband sounds like he could be best friends with mine. I have similar problems with my husband and I also have no friends to turn to. I have been in my unhappy marriage for coming up on 15 years. I wish I could say we had some good years but I have been unhappy for probably 14 out of the 15 years. If you ever want to talk, you can send me messages as I check this site every night. I know you don't know me but sometimes it helps to talk to someone. I used to have many, many friends but moving around so much has made it difficult. To be honest, I'm too embarrassed to have anyone know how unhappy my marriage is. On social media sites I never talk of my marriage. I just go on and envy my friends that do have stable marriages. I'm sorry your husband talks down to you, believe me, I know how much that hurts. So again, if you ever want to talk please message me.

I too am embarrassed to talk to anyone, I've been unhappy for along time also, my biggest regret is not leaving sooner, hopefully I will be able to leave soon, I'm know I'm not alone when I read other posts, thanks for listening, I'm here if you need to talk also.

I just read your stories and omg you are right they can be best friends or twins, my husband hides thing on me too, yesterday he took my phone today it was to keys, he is very controlling, says I have no rights because I'm not working now, had baby and surgery but always did work, I feel trapped and need to get out also, your life is like clone, I know I'm not alone now, thanks for sharing, feel free to talk, I'm a good listener ,good luck

You need to get away from him. He sounds like a really horrible, hateful man. It's not good for you or your kids to be around him.

I am planning on leaving him soon, I need to save some money, since I have no family to stay with I'm on my own, I'm starting to plan.

I wish you the best of luck ^_^

Thank you very much.