I've been married for 7 years, hence the 7yearsin member name. Just realized that it also reads as 7 year sin, which is ironic because I feel like I must have committed some horrible sin to be punished with such an inconsiderate, absent husband. He hates to watch our children. When he does, he spends the entire time on his smartphone. He doesn't packs lunches, work on homework or even bother to talk to the kids about their day. I either have to repeatedly urge him to do so (which comes off as nagging) or I have to blow up about his lack of initiative. Then he does something... for a day. I worked for 10 years prior to having a child with my husband. Then I became a stay at home mom. He now believes that since he is the only one who earns a steady paycheck, that he is exempt from doing things around the house. Yet, he has no problem sitting on the couches that I payed for to watch movies on a TV that I paid for while surfing the net in a cell that is in my name. Not to mention the fact that he now drives my car (since his broke down) back and forth to work- one I have paid off and continue to pay insurance on and registration fees. Aside from physical things, he is emotionally absent. He doesn't care if I'm crying from being so frustrated in an argument- he mocks me. He get offended nearly anytime I try to address an issue with him. He starts to repeat what I say, make false statements and take cheap shots, such as claiming that I resent our children. No dear, I resent you and your lack of involvement in their lives. When I call out something that he said, as in accurate, he denies it then admits it but dismisses it by saying "so what?" as if it doesn't matter. Particularly since he bases half of his argument on these ridiculous statements. I get so irritated with him that I just want to divorce him and go. As a matter of fact, this is the advice that I would give my girlfriends who were in turbulent relationships. Ya know, back when I was carefree and single and wasn't aware of all of the dynamics of marriage and the complications of leaving out of one, especially when children, property and finances are involved. I am so completely fed up with his behavior. I could add more but I'd be writing for about a month before I got it all down. Edit: Sent him this text message yesterday: I absolutely hate you. You are the most childish, overly sensitive, defensive person I have ever known. You hate for anyone to say anything that opposes what you say. You consistently try to provoke me or incite me whenever I call you out on your childish behavior. You make everything about you. You love to resort to childish behavior whenever any kind of confrontation occurs. Any thing oppositional said to you, you take offense to. You love to take cheap shots and get off of the subject. You are the king of '*** for tat' type actions. It is impossible to get you to use reason on an argument or any kind of discussion. You lie about your intent in saying certain things (which makes you cowardly) and deny that you are being inciting when are obviously are. If you wonder why I am so angry 'all the time' it's because I loathe being around you. I feel extra depressed when you are around. You represent the biggest negative energy in my life. If I could, I would take the kids and leave you here. I despise your indirectness, and resent your being. I wish that I could wash my hands of you. You argue unrelated issues during specific arguments. You make inferences and mumble under your breathe. Then want to say something that I said bothered you... A week later!! You drain my energy; mentally and physically. I have no connection to you anymore, whatsoever. I don't love you. I'm not IN love with you and I never will be again. Ever. You can have your rings back, maybe you can get some money for them. I despise you and your complete lack of rational interaction. The things that should matte to you don't. And the things that don't matter are the ones you pay the most attention to. You just don't care. I'm sick and tired of trying to get you to see your utter lack of regard. It is pointless talking to you.
7yearsin 7yearsin
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 3, 2013

Sounds like he may have been the spoiled kid in the family or a mommas boy. Did mom stay at home and endure the same you are? Some men think their job is to just bring in a paycheck and take care of financial monetary things and the women takes care of EVERYTHING else. So sorry I hope you got through to him.

Maybe he will do the right thing and jump off a building for you!

Tht is horrible how absent he is and how he has no regard for his family's happiness and wel being.
i would say your's is not repairable but that is from an outsider looking in.
I wish you the best and feel for you.

Thank you for the well wishes, justeasygoing. You're dead on- it is indeed not reparable.

Well I am very sorry but there is so much life to live and making a move will open up so man opportunities for you.

Sorry your husband sucks. Mine does too. The difference is I bust my azz working 40 hours a week in a demanding job, and STILL do Everything housework and child care related. He just sits back and runs the show. Money, kids activities, what shelf I leave the peanut butter on in the pantry....people who have no idea what it's like to be married to someone who is truly a ***** will say "you are only treated that way because u allow it" yeah I have fought and fought with him. I am drained out and run down. My health is suffering now because of him. At nite after work, I come home make dinner feed kids clean up do homework, at some point during all this he takes his lazy *** upstairs (usually without lifting a finger to help though sometimes he gives the boys a shower) and lays waiting for me to come upstairs and give him sex. I am so over him. I pray every day that he doesn't return from work. Life would be better

I understand what you mean. I feel so drained around him. It's different when he is not around. If there is stuff that needs to be done, I have no problem doing it since I am the only one who is able to do it at the time. The whole dynamic changes once he is at home because then there is another fully capable person who can do their part but doesn't. The fact that he realizes this, sees me doing all of the work and still has the nerve to sit in his duff and troll Facebook drives me crazy. I feel so drained and overworked. And this is from a woman who spent many years in the military and deployed to Iraq. I would rather be there again than suffering here with a lazy, inconsiderate spouse.