Trapped In A Marriage

I met my husband 12 years ago in my country. we have been married for 10 and have a 8 year old son. Back then, I thought I loved him but it wasn´t long before I realised I had made a fatal mistake. My husband is unromantic, untidy, greedy and thinks just about himself.
I cook, clean after him, and do all the housework. My husband has never even touched the vacuum cleaner since we started living together. I feel like am a slave in my own home. What I get at the end of the day is´´ I earn the daily bread and your job is here in the house ´´
We havent had sex for the last six months and I dont even desire it. The sex was a 3 minute affair that ended up in a disappointment! I think my husband has kind of sorted himself out and I honestly dont care.
I consider leaving him daily but there is so much at stake. I would not be able to give my son the kind of life he deserves if I left and I dont think I would ever forgive myself if my son ever blamed me for messing up his life. I have been a homemaker all the ten years so my chances out there as a jobless single mum dont look so glossy.
All I have is my son and I basically live for him. On the other hand I feel like my son is to blame coz without him I wouldn´t be trapped here.
We dont even have mutual friends apart from my husbands loser friends who are either divorced or alcoholics. On my part, I haven´t made any friends either because I´m black in a white dominated suburb. The only friends I have are parents from my son´s classmates who just come over to see how we ´´ live´´.
Im so lonely, I fear going back to my country and start all over. I never disclose my problems to anyone for fear of being branded a ´´go-getter´´ which I really am not. So i just sit in this corner at home and cry myself out till I get out of breath. I hate myself and everything around me..... I
lilmush lilmush
2 Responses Feb 4, 2013

Your son is 8 years old. There is no reson to continue being a "stay at home mom" your son is in school all day. During those in school hours you need to be doing more than just cleaning and cooking. You need to get a part time job and if no one in the house will help you with the chores hire someone to do it for you ( trust me this will get your husband going) Trying getting out of the house more with your son. Get him into some after school activities that you can attend and afterwards take him to dinner ( no husband) and come home and relax. You will have more bonding time with your kid and you won't have to be home all day looking at your dead beat husband. Good luck.

Perhaps you should look for a part time job. You may be more able to support yourself than you think. Even beyond that it might make you feel better.