I Love Him So Much. And I Hate Him.I hate that he drinks too much. I hate that he is a nice drunk. I hate that I smell or sense that he has been drinking and even though he gives me no reason other than that. I can't stand him. Then I'm the *******.
I hate that he drinks alone. I hate his personality when drinking even when he is sweet. I hate that he can't stop. I hate that his health is suffering. I hate that smell. I am repulsed by that smell. I hate that he is sad. I hate that he is losing his gorgeous looks.
I hate that in embarrassed to introduce him to co workers. I hate that his grooming is lacking. I hate that he can't keep him mind still and needs alcohol or drugs to calm himself.
Most of all, I hate how much I love him. If I only hated and despised and was repulsed alone, iI could save myself from growing frown and worry lines. I could save myself from frustration, heart ache. Sadness. Desperation.
But he is all I've ever wanted. No one has ever treated me better, loved me more.
I've never loved anyone like this. I hate him. And I think this will grow. 10 years and I still want him. But I don't think I can do this for long. I'm growing. He is still the 19 year old I met in 1999. But not as beautiful. To others. I still see him as he was. But it's fading.