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So Unhappy

Hi, I'm new here I'm married 2 1/2 years and so unhappy!! My husband is selfish, and teases me. He says things to make me so mad on purpose like push my buttons. He and I are constantly arguing. I really want to divorce him but nervous how life would be as a single mom. I have one baby. Any advice would be very helpful. We went to counseling, I am just at a point that I really hate him and want out.
Notworkingout Notworkingout 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 9, 2013

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Trust me again that good looks doesnt stay beacuse he does not have respect for you or yourself, my husband was a stunner national team rugby player and SWA amateur wrestler, looks lated for a few years but then it faded rapidly, he is 44 and doesnt have any teeth left! If a man doesnt have respect for himself then he wont have any for you either!

Plumblossom3, it sounds like we are married to the same guy! My family wants us to work it out, and I hate him. They think he is a good guy who can "change" his ways, meanwhile I feel like you that he's emotionally abusive and it's so hard to explain to people how he is this way. He comes across like a charmer, and his good looks only make him seem all the more charming. Hes very handsome but I no longer care about that, I feel drained with him. I have one son, and my family wants me to try to work things out. How can you explain to people emotional abuse there's no scars so they don't get it. I too fight with him, and I know it's him and not me. This is his second marriage and his first wife too said he was emotionally abusive, controlling, jealous, and here I am now bec. I fell for him his model looks, and what I thought was a sweet nice guy, and I am miserable.

Omg. It's like I'm reading my own story I hate my husband so much too. I can totally relate especially the pushing the buttons stuff. He constantly does that and I get so angry and frustrated at not bring able to get through to him I end up hitting him and we get into physical fights. He's definitely not the same guy before we were married. I was so stupid to believe his fake persona. The worst thing is that he comes across as such a paragon of goodness that nobody believes me when I say he abuses me mentally and emotionally. Even my family is on his side. I hate him so much.

Like you I have kids also. 2. One 2 and half year old toddler and a 7 month old baby. I'm a SAHM. So I'm also worried if I divorce him, will I be able to bring up the two kids on my own. But I really really want out. There's no love anymore. I really hate him so much.

Though I can't offer any advise hole that you know that you are not alone.

Thank-you both for your replies. I am so miserable gained a lot of weight and feel so depressed. I feel my husband is emotionally abusive- he constantly picks fights and told me in the past "Im annoying you on purpose" In the beginning of the marriage, I looked away but now I just can't take it any more. It's so hard though to make that move to being alone and a single mother. I wish you both the best whatever direction you choose, and thank-you for sharing your stories and replying.

If you really hate him and want out then do it! In time it doesn't get any better trust me, I've been married for 24 years and have a 15 year old daughter, tried to hold on and tried to love him but in time just resented and hated him more, now we've became a dis-functional family I have never been so unhappy as now my child resents me for staying married to him and none of us are close because of this negative vibe in our relationships, I've lost my daughter because of him and cant get rid of him hes like a piece of **** on a wool blanket!!

I understand exactly where you're coming from. When children are involved, all options become a little more complicated. I would say, if you have the means and ability to leave now, then go for it. It will only get more difficult over time. I considered leaving my husband sometime after our first child was born but couldn't bear the idea of being a single mom. I knew that I 'could' do it but hesitated when thinking about if I 'should' do it.

I would often see glimpses of the man that I had fallen in love with. We had ups and downs; good times and bad times. I thought that maybe things/he could change. I gave him chance after chance and believed his many apologies. I always hoped that things would just kind of work out. I rationalized my staying by saying that in all marriages, the first year (or two) would be the hardest

Well, fast forward to my 7th year of marriage and he is worse than before. I not only don't love him anymore- I loathe him, I resent him. I realize that his attitude will never change. I desire to leave him so badly but now it would be so much more difficult. The variables are numerous. (Children settled into routines & school and accustomed to having daddy around. Shared properties aquired over the years. Lack of finances, etc). I look about and realize hindsight is 20/20. I absolutely SHOULD HAVE left when I had the chance. I was foolish to stay and now (for now) I am stuck.

Please, don't let your situation get to a place like I am at. You may end up feeling all of the regret, anger and resentment that I do. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy. Get out while you can.