Post

This Morning I Wanted To Stab Him To Death

I've already wrote a story about my idiot husband who does nothing at all but I felt compelled to write about what he did (didn't do) this morning. As usual, he always does nothing to assure that the kids get breakfast in the morning. Every Saturday, I get stuck making the pancakes, waffles, eggs or even just prepping cold cereal for our children.

Well, today just really rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. I have vocalized to him, written down, emailed, etc. my anger about him not doing his parental duty in this regard. I've even got into heated arguments (screaming, yelling, throwing things) about this do he can not continue to play dumb like he doesn't know how much this upsets me. It isn't that I don't want to make their breakfast, I already do it Monday through Friday anyway when he us at work. The issue is that he IS HERE on the weekends and completely free to/capable of throwing some pancakes together or poring cereal into a bowl. He doesn't even do that!

I woke up this morning around 7:00 while he slept. I made up my bed and went to brush my teeth and wash my face. After that I set the table for the kids. He had no excuse not to make breakfast. I sat in the couch and watched a little TV. He woke up, put his cell on charge, went to the bathroom, made coffee then sat on the couch.

We both were watching TV for about 30 minutes before the kids started to wake up. Once they were up, I sent the older to go wash up, while I brushed hair and monitored tooth brushing of the younger. This takes about 20 or do minutes. They also made up their beds. My husband could have been making breakfast then. I get back to the living room to find him with a second cup of coffee and watching TV. Watching all of my hard work like it was a spectator event. When the kids were done in the bathroom, he then goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. He hadn't done this already?! This is just his way if killing time so that he doesn't have to make breakfast.

So, I put dishes away and prepared to make breakfast. When he was finally done in the bathroom (he took longer than I did when I washed up earlier) he goes straight to check his phone, then plops down onto the couch. I hadn't cooked anything yet do he still could have come into the kitchen to make breakfast. Instead he watches me put up the dishes and gets a third cup of coffee.

I go ahead and make breakfast. I set the stopwatch on my cell and sat it on the couch next to my husband. From the moment I entered the kitchen, it took a total of 15 minutes and 46 seconds to make pancakes and have them in the table along with yogurt and bananas, orange juice & water.

Once the kids were seated and starting their meal he magically rises and goes into the kitchen. There, he prepares himself three eggs over easy, sausage gravy, toast some more coffee. I am livid!!!!!!!!!!!

His excuses for not making breakfast for the kids in the morning are always one if the following: I didn't know what they wanted to eat. Or I didn't want to get in your way. Or I wasn't sure if you were going to cook or not. Or I forgot about breakfast. (Yes, he had used this one several times). Or you didn't give me a chance to do anything. (Yeah, clearly I should just sit on my butt like you while the kids go hungry, in order to provide an AMPLE OPPORTUNITY for YOU to demonstrate that you will cook... eventually).

I am so sick of him sitting on his butt and WATCHING me do all of the work. I could just wait him out on it, at the kids expense. It's a lose, lose situation.

I am so fed up with him not doing his part. The bad thing is, he is fully aware of his inaction and just doesn't care. I absolutely hate him!
7yearsin 7yearsin 31-35, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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what a JERK!!!!!!!!!......"I say that from someone who's married to one! and (WalkingOnSunshells) is right! it is passive aggresive behavior! that would make ayone want to (well) harm someone.....just saying!

I have just two words: Passive Aggressive (look it up, I think you will find it quite an eye opener).

Bingo! Thanks.

One thing I have learnt with men is that you have to tell them what you want. Yes it's frustrating, and yes I know you feel like they should just do it (as I have), but that is not the case with many men. If, rather than silently getting angrier and angrier, you had just told hubby to make brekky for the kids, would he have done it? My guess is yes. It may be that he wants to please you but genuinely doesn't know how. He was most likely being honest with you in his answer about why he didn't get breakfast. Men and women think very differently.
Do you think you could try telling him what you want him to do, even for a week as a trial, rather than just hoping he will do what you want and then getting upset about it when he doesn't?
I do note you have said you have asked him repeatedly to do his part. The problem may be that you are not being specific enough about what you want him to do. For example, rather than saying you want him to help you more with the housework, tell him that you want him to vacuum the house.
Anyway, I may be wrong and you may have tried this already, but it's a suggestion because I have felt similarly to you, and I wasn't aware of how directional I had to be when wanting him to do stuff.
If this is not something that would help, I strongly believe you should either do couples counseling or end it, because aside from being damaging to you and hubby, this is causing trauma to your children.

That is a very good suggestion. I have tried that. Specific, right down to what he could make for them. I've even told him that I wouldn't mind if it was a bowl of cold cereal. He says 'okay' but then still does nothing. I remind him at the next opportunity and he says 'okay' and says he doesn't need me to tell him. So I don't. Then when a couple weekends of him not doing anything go by I say something again and he says I'm nagging and then we have an argument/fight about it.

Tried counseling but we are just not in love anymore. I just wish that he would not be so lacking in initiative and participation in household tasks.

I already know that the only option for us is divorce. There are more issues than this that I haven't mentioned. In the meantime it helps to be able to vent about what is going on.

Fair enough, it sounds like you have really tried to fix this, but he is not making any effort. It actually seems like he is just waiting for you to do all the hard work and end it, so that you are the one who has to feel the guilt towards your kids and whoever else for ending it, and he can do the whole woe is me thing. He clearly doesn't place much value on the relationship - it takes two to tango and he's not dancing.

Vent away, it's always helpful to write down how you feel!

It really irks me when men talk about nagging. It's so sexist! We don't like having to repeat ourselves, it's frustrating and boring. If they did things that they are supposed to, we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves! It's not rocket science!

When you feel you can, boot him out on his *** and let him see how much he likes fending for himself. Your life will be so much easier when he is gone, even looking after the kids on your own, you have no idea!

xxoo

You know I didn't finish reading your post, actually i only read about 4 or 5 sentences into it because well my eyes are tired, and also i got the gist of your post very quickly. It made me think of well this woman has enough of her own time to write this long post and i also saw you answered to responses you got, so therefore she has some more time for herself. Thus it just makes me think you are a lunatic, but an overstressed one that is in need of something to make herself feel special and appreciated for all the work you do at your home. i understand that it happens to housewives, lol, i was one long ago. I suggest you let your husband read your post, he is not a mind reader, he may not know that you feel as you do, and maybe he will pitch in more after he reads it, or he will move out very quickly! Either one your problem will be solved! Keep looking on the bright side because your next post could be from jail!, only jokeing with ya there.

it will be nice if you read the post!! Obvious you have a lot of time in your hands too to reply to this post... But you seem to me a person that's not being truthful about who you are... if you don't have a kind word to say its best to keep it to yourself.... very sad that still people like you around with such unkind heart!!!! ..even though you had nothing nice to say i will wish you a fabulous day!!!!

You didn't read my whole post but decide to call me a lunatic? I guess you also didn't read the little part that says "Please reply with Authenticity, support and respect" either.

Just so you know, my husband is well aware if how I feel. I would ask you to read my other post 'Ha!' which clearly emphasizes that but it's pretty long so I doubt you'd get through the first paragraph.

Anyhow, I'm glad you realize they I have/make time for myself. I guess I shouldn't actually take any time for myself , especially if its to vent my frustrations with my situation and to get (and give) a little much needed support from my fellow 'hate my husband' comrades.

I hope you have a great day. Really.

I appreciate you coming to my defense. Thanks! It's amazing how inconsiderate people can be to those in a tough situation.

I don't think it's only the breakfast... I think you just fed up of doing everything while he cares only for himself.... Its seems that you guys lost all the love long a ago... with that the respect too. How can you love a guy who doesn't respect what you are feeling? If he can make breakfast for himself, he can make breakfast for everybody.. No excuses! I wish you love, patience and most of all to find in your heart the real problem what's make you fell this way... An hun if a man makes you feel bad, lonely, angry, unworthy, unappreciated, unwanted that means its time for him to go.... but before that you must tell him i want some help with things around the house and kids.... From now one you making Breakfast the days you are home..... Good luck stay beautiful inside and out... and i'am sure better days will come <3

Thank you, Angelav. You're right, it isn't just the breakfast, it's a culmination of things. I've asked him repeatedly to do his part. When I confront him about it he makes excuses or says in nagging. Then when I don't say anything he still doesn't do anything. He knows what he can do, he just chooses not to do it. He did the same thing this morning. Hid in the bathroom until I was done cooking then popped his head out to make himself breakfast. He is useless.

He's stupid, I dont know why i feel you are nothing for him.. but dont do a crazy thing :) you live for your children <3 good luck dear.. dont worry, everything becomes alright xoxo <3

Thank you Sarah. I was just so angry- kind of straw that breaks the camels back type thing. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement. Sometimes people just don't understand the struggle.