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I Cannot Trust Him At All.

Now, 2 years later I feel like someone stole the optimistic girl I used to be. When I met my husband he seemed like the most perfect man on Earth. Handsome, so incredibly charming, and very stable in his career. It was the Jackpot. Then, we moved in rather quickly (3 months later) our leases were ending at the same time, and well, really, how could I not? Prince charming only comes once. At that time I graduated, and started spending more time around our house, instead of leaving at the crack of dawn for school. That's when I realized that he looked at ****, all the time, every morning. Which was the reason that we could never have morning sex. He always said that he was too busy with work (his works from home). Several times, I asked him to stop because he could never perform in the bedroom anymore. It was especially disheartening because he told me that in order for us to have a relationship he was comfortable with I would have to leave the job I had (when we first met, I had a job that was in the adult field, but was not how we met at all). But, he never stopped, time after time, it would be just sitting there on his screen. Girls, that look the complete opposite of me. He always tells me he would stop. Or that he isn't doing it anymore, but my instincts told me he was. Then I found HUNDREDS of naked pictures, that he made some excuse up for, but I said enough! I want to know the truth, and he said it was a long time ago and he didn't know it was there anymore. But, the file was sitting there. He always makes me feel like I am the crazy one. On my birthday, he messaged his ex, who is a model (blonde hair, blue eyes, grossly skinny.) I let it go. But it hurt, and later his employee was in the side office, and my husband had his door closed, because he was looking at ****. This was the last time anything happened, and it was last month. I still think he is looking at it, our romance is passionless, he is like a robot in bed. He even told me that he was deleting specific history pages, to make it look like he wasn't doing anything. It's a month later, now I haven't seen anything, but I still can't trust him. I just hope he slips up one more time, so I can just get out of this mess without feeling like I didn't try.
ThroughWithIt ThroughWithIt 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 18, 2013

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Without trust you have no marriage..... Its seems to me you have your answers!! You don't need him to make another mistake in order for you to leave...... He is an addict and he will always be..... Its time to find someone who deserves your love, trust ,but most of all your respect...... you can't keep making love to a man who keeps hurting you!!!! Good luck to you.... <3

Wow, your response makes me think he may have some bigger issues than just **** to deal with and of course unless he is ready to look at them head on there is not alot you are going to be able to do. Have you tried talking to him about how his actions are making you feel when the mood is good between you? What do you think his reaction to suggesting councelling would be? I am going to assume that he loves you and so he should be willing to try to explain why he is behaving as he is. Changing the situation sounds like it could take sometime and a lot of patience on your part, if indeed he wants to change. Have you asked yourself if you are truly ready and willing to take that journey? If you are, you are going to have some very tough times ahead. On the other hand, if you don't truly feel you can travel that long and difficult road then you may need to consider how you move on. Only you know the answer but please don't be afraid to admit what that is to yourself. If you have spent time on this site you know how many people have stayed in relationships that aren't working and then regret the time they lost. In the words of the Rolling Stones "We can't always get what we want but we usually get what we need" - this lyric has always resinated with me as I believe some of the biggest issues we face in life are bought about to help us grow. Be strong and trust yourself no matter how hard that may turn out to be.

if you work in the adult industry I am surprised to read that you have an issue with your partner looking at ****. Is it that you think he prefers **** to you? It sounds like you are focusing your attention on this area when maybe their are other issues that are leading to his lack of interest in the bedroom. Have you considered that he is just not happy overall? Maybe he feels he shouldn't have moved in with you so quickly now? You need to communicate your feelings with him and if he doesn't, can't or simply won't communicate back in a way that helps you understand and work on whatever the issues are then move on. You had a life before this man so don't let him hold you back from finding someone who will give you all you need.

Yes, the problem is I really am positive he prefers it to me. The very morning that the last time it happened, I tried to have sex with him, and he didn't want to. With the moving in to fast thing, if anything I feel that way, before we were married I said that I thought we had moved in too quickly, and maybe I should get another place, he begged and begged me to stay. He refuses to tell me what he wants in the bedroom, I have tried for months to get him to open up about it. The one thing that I know he really loves, I have tried to do for him, but he said that he didn't like that I knew about it, and that he supposed it was probably a turn on, because it was a secret taboo thing. Even though he told me he used to love it when his ex did it.

..I left one thing out, I am not sure if it means anything or not, but he only ******* with ********, or if he isn't looking at me. It makes me feel like I am a monster. We have never made love, it's always been so mechanical.