Mental Breakdown

My husband and I love each other but I just can't take the financial stress of his Construction business that has put us in financial ciaos for years because he is too pig headed to ever listen to anyone including me.  He is a hard worker but he has no clue how to run the financial aspect of a company.  He still insists that I do his books (his way of course).  My husbands bookkeeping 101 consists of not always billing people especially friends and if they can't pay us...oh well!  As the bookkeeper I have to do my job and keep my mouth shut.  I am not allowed to bill anyone (even though they owe us the money) unless he says.

He does not charge interest to those he does decide to bill, so they can take as long as they want to finally pay us.  We not only lost our first house to the IRS for payroll taxes but now our second home is ready to be foreclosed on.  This does not need to be happening right now because he is doing a $150,000.  job that he has been working on for 4 weeks without one single draw.  He had to borrow money from a friend just to make payroll.

We have been married for 21 years and for 21 years I have been saving his sorry *** by some how finagling our way out of his money messes.  Don't get me wrong he knows how to make money but he does not know how to run a business or collect on the invoices.

Other then the financial issues our marriage is not too bad and sometimes it can be rather pleasant.  We have allot in common and do so much together with our three grown children and actually enjoy each others company. 

So, I love my husband but I hate (such a strong and negative word) him too!  I just do not have the energy or the strength to fight him any more.  I have already had two mental breakdowns where I had to be hospitalized for a total of 10 days.  The second was horrific and I though I would die and I could not even get him to drive me to the emergency room because he was tired from working all day so I had no choice but to call 911.

Over the years I have resorted to drinking on and off because it really helps me to not have to deal with the bill collectors and collection agencies harassment.  The last time I had  my blood work done my liver was compromised.  That was a kick in the pants to stop drinking and work on my health.  I have now been sober for 4 months this time and I feel much better!  In some sick way I truly believe my husband liked me to drink.  I have lost 30 pounds and I walk 2.5 miles 4-5 days a week and work out with weights 1 hour a day 5 days a week.  I now really see the light and how sick my relationship is.  I am so controlled by him.  I try so hard to keep harmony and be the peacemaker and I hardly ever fight with him.  He loves to have a good fight.  I used to fight with him but it made me way more unhappy and got me nowhere.  Because you cannot win with him.

He does not cheat on me and is a good father just not a very good provider but he could be if he would not be so stubborn and just listen to people. 

I have already tried hiring accountants and bookkeepers and they find him utterly impossible to work for.

Other then the financial aspects he is not all bad.  I just feel like sometimes I am on the verge of another breakdown and thank goodness for my work outs and not drinking.

We almost got a mutual divorce about 5 years ago after losing our first home.  He promised me he would dissolve his construction company and go to work for a big company as a project manager partner.  This only lasted 3 months because he cannot have anyone tell him what to do. 

We have tried marriage counseling over the years and he thought they were wrong.

It could be worse he could be a drunk (like me) or a drug addict or a cheater or lay on the couch all day right?

Your input would be most appreciated about what you would do? tia

squiggy squiggy
56-60, F
1 Response Sep 10, 2008

I can't believe this story was written in 2008 and no one commented on it...........Why?<br />
Did anyone ever comment on it?<br />
Is this person still around??