20 Years Later.....

i met my husband in 1986.  We  married in 1994.  Everything was good until about 2 years ago.  I believe he is the root of my depression.  I really think he tries to upset me.  Right now I am not working and most  men can "step up" and support the family.  He has to complain every morning.  Oh yeah, did I mention I thinkhe has something going on with his dead brothers wife?  When he goes over there, he never complains, when i say something about that he calls me CRAZY!!!  I am so scared.  I really think when I find  a job I have to get out!! I love him, but he does not know how to love me.   
josie josie
36-40, F
21 Responses Jun 14, 2007

I've been married over 20 years. The gov force himto retire and he is now homee with me. I feel like he expects me to jump at his every comand. I can't think of even one day since Thanksgiving that he hasn't put me down, insult my backing, cooking and cleaning. I can never do anything ever good enough for him... He's changed, and not for the better. Can't take any more

Start squirreling away money in your underwear drawer. And try your best to get a job so that it's not what keeps you there. Stay because you want to, not because you think you have no other choice.

If someone does not deserve your love, need not care about them.

Get out of there girl ur mental health is way more important than dealing with that!!

get proof of him cheating,and take everything from him!!!!

i feel the reason why u r with him is cuz u cant take care of urself. and u r a burden on him. love is not conditional. ill get a job ill be out of here sort. its liberating not confining. but yes a lot of times our fears, insecurties and logics make us do wat we do... marriage is a covenant ... u need to know why u r in it. and liberate urself if the reasons arent right.

I recently got out of a abusive relationship of over 20 years. And truthfully my abuser ended it. I hoping this time he will really stay gone. Many times he has bullied me into taking him back. He cheats, lies, abuses and breaks me down. I feel like I wasted so much of my life on him. i need to get stronger before I can truly move on. I am wishing you the best and hope you find your strength to move on and heal. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Don't let him depress you, if you do then you are giving him too much importance in your life and less to yourself. Happy to hear you are looking to get a job and get out, keep us posted.

If you can, find a job and save up to leave the man. Boy, I sure wish I could!

I wish you the best. If you are able to escape, please post- it will be encouragement to many. I understand exactly how controlling, desperate and depressing a situation like this can be.

im not good on romantic advice. they all leave my *** or are being stalked by like 5 women. thank god for my stuffed animal.

You're not crazy, whether he's having an affair or not, and what needs to happen is for you to find a full-time job and start looking for a place to live. I know it's scary, but when is enough really enough.

I've been unhappily married for 38yrs......7yr into it had 4 children.<br />
Kept thinking my feelings would change. Boys have grown, successful and beautiful wives.<br />
Now they are going to have children and think I can't leave because of grandchildren.<br />
I've lived my whole life thinking............what if...<br />
Don't do that!! Get out now while you are young.............It doesn't get better!

This is me at 25 yrs. unhappily married. I am praying for a miracle to get away from him too someday, but the children keep me stuck and feeling guilty if I divorce the man. Thanks for sharing, I don't feel like the only one in the world in this situation now.

so depresing ... but get out , look for a help if you can , but leave him he is making you sick and man who complaines about supporting his own wife is not man at all...

i would make a plan ...get a job or two if you can ..save your money ..and get out

It is so easy to pass judgment--or offer advice--when we are not emotionally attached. Most likely he does have something on the side, but is that even a factor after 20 years? Who cares about him or what he is doing. What is right for you? Find yourself a job, get out and feel better about yourself.

I've been married almost 19 years and I can honestly say I have regretted it since day one. I suffer depression too and I'm convinced that he is the cause of it. Don't stay with your husband, if you feel this way now the chances are you will feel even worse in years to come. Look at me, living regretfully.

I've been married almost 19 years and I can honestly say I have regretted it since day one. I suffer depression too and I'm convinced that he is the cause of it. Don't stay with your husband, if you feel this way now the chances are you will feel even worse in years to come. Look at me, living regretfully.

get out now before you get to the stage were you keep putting it off, i left my first husband with nothing i walked out myself with no clothes just what i was wearing and it was the best thing i ever did i forgot how independent i was>

Get out while you can and before you find yourself, years down the road, still unfulfilled in a marriage that wasn't worth all the heartache, and wind up being alone for the rest of your life as I'm sure that's what will happen to me. I will never be able to trust a man again.<br />
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I've been married 25 long yrs. It was good for the first 15 until one day I catch him in an affair with co-worker. Later he confesses he had been cheating on me all along. <br />
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Yeah, get a job and get out. Get out while you can an more years go by and you find yourself trapped like me. If you need to, take a full year to prepare yourself, get your ducks in a row and then leave. I want to leave my sorryass cheating husband so bad but I'm waiting 3 years for reasons to long post here. I have a plan. I will follow through.<br />
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Make a plan, don't do leave him on an impulse. Set yourself up right for it. I went back to school and am trying to get a higher paying job so that when I leave him, I won't need any money or anything else from his lying arse.

thats horrible! I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. Being years away from the legal marriage age and a possible wedding, I'm not sure how I can help you. It doesnt sound like you are on terms with him where you are able to talk about your feelings and sort things out. Perhaps if you went for marriage counseling? I hope things work out for you :)