If Every Time He Leaves the House I Wish He'd Get Into An Accident....would that equate to hatred?
What I feel is pure, unadulterated hatred. I hate the very fibers of his soul. I seriously hope that every phone call I get during the day is a call saying he's been in an accident. I know that's horrible, but I feel it anyway.
I don't even love him a little bit. I used to get excited when it was time for him to get home. Now? I just get knots way down deep in the pit of my stomach. I hate the thought of kissing him hello. I try not to. I hate the thought of him acting like we're a perfect family, knowing that the *** chewing and the name calling isn't all that far off.
I hate him! I wish he were dead. This isn't healthy. We aren't healthy. Of course, with no access to bank accounts, I have no way to get the hell out of here. He has me hostage. If I go, I give up a vehicle, a roof over our heads (I have three children and another on the way), food in our stomachs, etc. I know that sounds like a lame reason to stay, but seriously. If I leave and have no where to go, I will lose my children. I can't let that happen. They are the only thing that makes me actually smile about this pathetic life. They give me a reason to wake up. Without them, I'm certain that I would just lie in bed and die.
I bet you didn't know that a woman who stays home with three children could sleep all day, huh? ******* jack ***. That's one of the worst insults. He called me a lazy ***** and said all I do is sleep all day! Give me a break! He can't keep up with our 16 month old for five minutes, but I do it ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY! And I am the only one to change diapers, give baths, etc. How dare he ******* say that I don't do anything? Just because things aren't as clean as his OCD *** would like them? **** him. Things used to be spotless back when I had more time (IE: less children!).
I wish he were dead. That's what it boils down to. He wouldn't be around to **** up my daughters' views in relationships if he were to just die. I can always hope. Always....