Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

If Every Time He Leaves the House I Wish He'd Get Into An Accident....

would that equate to hatred?

What I feel is pure, unadulterated hatred.  I hate the very fibers of his soul.  I seriously hope that every phone call I get during the day is a call saying he's been in an accident.  I know that's horrible, but I feel it anyway.

I don't even love him a little bit.  I used to get excited when it was time for him to get home.  Now?  I just get knots way down deep in the pit of my stomach.  I hate the thought of kissing him hello.  I try not to.  I hate the thought of him acting like we're a perfect family, knowing that the *** chewing and the name calling isn't all that far off.

I hate him!  I wish he were dead.  This isn't healthy.  We aren't healthy.  Of course, with no access to bank accounts, I have no way to get the hell out of here.  He has me hostage.  If I go, I give up a vehicle, a roof over our heads (I have three children and another on the way), food in our stomachs, etc.  I know that sounds like a lame reason to stay, but seriously.  If I leave and have no where to go, I will lose my children.  I can't let that happen.  They are the only thing that makes me actually smile about this pathetic life.  They give me a reason to wake up.  Without them, I'm certain that I would just lie in bed and die. 

I bet you didn't know that a woman who stays home with three children could sleep all day, huh?  ******* jack ***.  That's one of the worst insults.  He called me a lazy ***** and said all I do is sleep all day!  Give me a break!  He can't keep up with our 16 month old for five minutes, but I do it ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY!  And I am the only one to change diapers, give baths, etc.  How dare he ******* say that I don't do anything?  Just because things aren't as clean as his OCD *** would like them?  **** him.  Things used to be spotless back when I had more time (IE: less children!).

I wish he were dead.  That's what it boils down to.  He wouldn't be around to **** up my daughters' views in relationships if he were to just die.  I can always hope.  Always....
mommyoffour mommyoffour 31-35, F 115 Responses Jun 19, 2007

Your Response


Sometimes I hope my queer, ****- loving man will die soon, as it will save me a **** load of problems.
As it is, I am married to his sorry ***. He can't get it up even tho I'm 12 years and 10s of pounds lighter than most beeYotches my age! Most men his age would LOVE to have me. He's a C0(k$u(ker,,,,he likes men.

Lousy Lying DI(k-$u(kIng Homophobic LIAR.
I hate him.
I hope he dies and leaves me completely free.
******' LIAR.

I hate my abusive husband, too and pray he will die because I KNOW I'd be better off. He has made my life torment for 30 years, and I keep praying for his death because thats the only way out. Unless he kills me. I feel somewhat better knowing I am not the only woman suffering like this. Misery loves company, right. God, I want a life so much, I have been living in this prison 30 years. He won't let me out of the house or take me anywhere--I have not been to Wal-mart or anywhere like that for over 20 years. The last time I was out of the house was in 2010 when he hit me on the head and I had to get it sewed up-20 stitches-at the hospital. I have suffered so much and nobody cares, not even my mom because I had a child out of wedlock 35 years ago and she still holds that against me. My parents disinherited me because of that 35 years ago, and my mom actually told me she hoped I married a man who would beat the crap out of me everyday. Her wish came true, and she actually is happy about it. Oh, God, when is that creep going to die so I can finally live?

All I have got to say to all of you is maybe you can convince your husband to hang himself or maybe u can get some one to accuse him of rape so he goes to jail and gets killed

Like the above poster, I googled I hate my husband and landed here. I hate this SOB with every fibre of my being. He gets drunk then denies it all while I'm watching him DO IT! He gets obnoxious and when I call him on his BS, he calls me a liar. He's an egotistical lunatic and has signs of severe narcissistic personality disorder. He calls me an A-hole, a C*nt, a liar and then flips me off. "F you!". I ask for apologies, he tells me "why? you never do". Which I apologize ALL THE TIME for the tiniest things! He says he doesn't like my "tone" when I answer questions (which I have to answer directly when he asks). If I have a "tone" I have to apologizie. Then I'm asked "What are you sorry for? I don't accept your apology unless you own up to your mistake and apologize correctly". If we start arguing, he will say "you need to make this need to do what is right". He means apologize. Whether anything is my fault or not. He's jealous of my 10 year old son (previous marriage). It's freaking ridiculous. If we argue he will follow me outside and start yelling at the top of his lungs "if you come near me I'm calling the police for assault" when I'm no where near him. He yells in the house "YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL STAY AWAY FROM ME" so my son will hear him. He's f'n crazy. I have to get away from this nutjob. He has ruined my credit, controls all of the money, has set rules for spending, for me, not him, and has made my life a living hell of stress since he walked in it 5 years ago. I need to end it, but he threatens me. To take my dogs (I would be devastated and he knows that), to take my house (I owned it before he came around, but he pays 1/2 mortgage, is NOT on the deed). He threatened me last night "we can end this but you better play nice or I will make things really miserable for you. You have a lot more to lose than I do". This coming from a piece of SH*T that didn't even own a fork when I met him. Had no furniture and was constantly overdrawing his bank account. Which he does to ours now. I could kick my own *** for getting involved with this loser. I need some confidence to get away. He tells me I'm fat, ugly, am full of hatred and incapable of love. I hate him.

A man threatening to take the kids is just dumb. Tell him if he wants to make it a fight, you will still win and he can pay your court fees. It is true in most cases. Even if it isn't true in your case, show him confidence that it is true in your case. Men fear the court system when it comes to divorce and he is trying to scare you away from it. Use his own tactics against him. If he truly is a d-bag, you most likely win freedom for you and your kids. <br />
<br />
Also, think about this: when you stay with a man that treats you like crap, you are teaching your male children that women will put up with abuse and you are teaching your female children that they should put up with this type of abuse. Do you really want your kids to grow up with that message?

I googled "I hate my husband" and this is where I landed. I hate him with a passion. I've been miserably married to him for 5 years now. Like most of you here, the reason that I've stayed is because of our 2 kids. I've been wanting to leave his sorry asss but whats held me back is the guilt and doubt if it will be best for our kids. I know better now. I have put up with so much bullshit from him (i.e. sleeping with prostitutes, spending a chunk of his time and money on golf, always telling me he doesnt have money to buy stuff like his kid's cough medicine and yet goes and spends for his golf game the next day, stays out late without checking in through a call or not even a text, spending a crapload of my own personal savings into his business that never thrived because of his laziness, the list goes on.) I know its wrong but I keep wishing that I would get that phonecall that says that he died in a car accident or got hit by a golf ball in the head. I even dream of slashing his brakes just to get it over with. The only thing that I am grateful for is his ***** that produced my two children. Other than that he is completely worthless to me. I hate him and I want out. My exit plan is already in my head. I just need a bit more time to save some money for a place of my own. Good luck to us husband haters. At least we are not alone, right?

hate my husband too. he wasted all our hard earned money on bad investments....i told him they were bad. he looked after his brothers and sisters that are nothing but takers. now we r living with my parents. He is horrid to them as well. he does not give me a break when am at home. i am the only provider my husband watchers the baby as he is too lazy to get an actual job. he says he wants to dash my son on the foor. I hate him so much.wish for his death so badly

I know exactly how you feel. We have kids to take care of and cannot risk jeopardizing their well-being by moving out. It is really, really hard. I suggest you start storing away cash/gift cards/federal bonds - slowly. Take a night class and do volunteer work to build some working skills and work your way out of there. As bad as things are, you are going to have to be strong for your kids. Your kids will see him for the rat bastard that he is and as sad as the whole situation is right now, you have to build for the future. For your kids and for yourself. There is always hope! Women like us will just have to suffer through the present. Stay out of his way and don't talk to him unless you really, really have to. Be a "father" to your kids since your crappy hubby will not be there for them. It's too bad none of us had a crystal ball to see how our marriage will unfold prior to walking down the isle.

I feel where you all are coming from. I have to say that I too hate my husband, we both have our faults but he has made my life hell. I have stood by him with so many wrongs that he has caused but when it is time for him to stand by me he leaves me to stand alone. There have been days when I wished him dead, when it rains I hope for the worst to fall upon him. I know it's not right but if he would just go away i would be so happy. Like so many he has everything and with children who I love dearly, I would be sad to just pick up and find myself homeless and with less than we have now. I hate knowing that he makes me sick and have to cook and clean for him. I have to look him in the face and pretend that all is well when it is not.

sorry .. this is intended for The Traveler316

I feel the same way sometimes.... It's been getting bad lately. I just to just get a fleeting thought when he'd go on a business trip to the west coast. Now I think about it every freaking day! This stress is doing more to kill me than him, though.<br />
<br />
Heck I know he hates me. In fact he told me he wanted a divorce a couple of months ago (He's Mr. Ultimatum... he's always saying he's going to leave if I don't do something or the other.). This time he said he never loved me. He just married me because I got pregnant over 11 years ago. (I remember telling him back then he doesn't have to ask me to marry him just because he felt he needed to.). <br />
<br />
lol I don't think he got the response he was looking for. I got angry and upset. Then I went upstairs and started to gather my stuff. I started feeling HAPPY... OMG... I could smell the freedom! I might have nothing, but, I would get my name back! (He always makes fun of my "Yankee" relatives that he's never met. **** him.. I'm proud of my Yankee and Kentucky Hillbilly heritage. I want my name back so badly!) <br />
<br />
The next day he texts me and tells me he doesn't want to break up our daughter's family and to please put my stuff back. Notice he never said he took back what he said. Damn it... I should have ran with the feelings I was having and left. <br />
<br />
It's been 11 years of his alcohol, drugs and just plain meanness.. and my depression and stress (I found out recently that my adrenal glands are shot. I) Back when I gave a **** about this marriage he would spend days away with his friends and not say anything to me. I was always alone with our daughter. <br />
<br />
Now I wish he would find friends again and be gone all the time. I would be in HEAVEN! <br />
<br />
I have all these plans on losing weight and leaving the day the scale hits my goal. It's become a major motivator. I want to look good while he watches my backside walk out that ******* door.

I am in the same situation,but i dont want him dead,he says same things to me and didt help me in anything,i wish to have money of my own i dont want to leave him either,but i guess if i start working i will have less time for him and my own money then he cannot say that i sleep all day at home and do nothing.

it's insane but our situation is exactly the same...everythin' except the expecting part which i hope is not true coz i'm late...oh gosh i hope not. <br />
i wish he would die 2. i never knew it would ever come to this but the reason u gave is the exact reason i can't leave. i can't believe somebody else is goin' thru the exact same thing.<br />
wish u luck and hope u find a way out!!

Hi, I am verbally and mentally abused as well. I have been with him for 20 years and we have a daughter who is now 20. Please, please do yourself a favor and GET OUT! I am still with mine, and just now looking into divorce. I have been called half a$$ b$tch, lazy fat a$$ and other things. He drops "F" bombs at me and our daughter like it is a normal thing to do. My very being has been crushed by this person that is supposed to love me. Fear kept me with him for so long. But I swear to you, if you can get out, don't waste your life as I have. Do it for you, do it for your kids. My daughter hates her dad now. All the years of yelling at for us for stupid little things has messed her up too. I seriously wish he was a one night stand.

I know where you are coming from. I am at the point now that since my husband won't even leave the house I wish that I would be the one to get into an accident every time I leave for work.

I actually can identify exactly how you feel. I too hate my husband with every fibre of my being. No-one would understand unless they have been through this torture. I too pray that I will hear the good news that something has happened to him. Yes it sounds very bad, but when you are trapped you can only hope for some way of getting freedom that does not involve you getting directly involved in their demise. I hope one day you get the help or freedom you deserve.

You all can leave- it is possible- no one needs to stay with that level of verbal and psychological abuse.That is what it is. It isnt right.And your children dont need to see it. See a lawyer and find out your options and plan before you do anything- photocopy all the financial papers available without him knowing and make an exit plan.When you're depressed and feeling stuck and powerless its easy to think you can do nothing. But you can.But you all need to get legal advice first then act.You all can do it. I know many who have. And their children are better off because of it.

Wow! This is my life! Everything was great until the very day that I married him...he told me I was embarrassing him not but 20min after we said our "I do's" and it went down hill from there. That was 16yrs ago and I'm still here for some stupid reason. I have sooo many stories over the years that I could probably write a book - all the mean and nasty things he has said to me to belittle me and make me feel like I'm worthless.. I've been called every name in the book - from Psycho to ***** to the "C" word, been told that he made a mistake marrying me and that he nor the kids need me. I tried to get out once, I met someone who happened to be a friend of both of ours and this person saw how absolutely horrible my husband is to me, he said he was unhappy too and we were both going to get out of our nasty marriages....he backed out after his wife found out we were talking and told my husband - **** hit the fan and all the sudden he wanted to go to counseling (something I had asked him to do for years!) It was fine for about 2yrs, but it's right back to the same crap. Now he likes to hold that over my head now too. I actually told him this Friday night that I hated him after he got so drunk by 8pm that he couldn't see straight (normal for him) Told him I hated him with every ounce of my being! He laughed and said "I know, what are you going to do about it" and proceeded to tell me he would never leave - that the house was his and that he would fight me for our 3 kids tooth and nail...Now I feel really stuck! I make more money than he does, and I could easily keep the house and kids, but he refuses to leave period. I hate him more today than I have over the last 16yrs - what did I get myself into and how the hell do I get him out!?! I have gone so many years wondering what I am doing wrong as a person, but I now through talking with my friends and seeing 'happy' couples that what I have is not normal and that I am not the one that is psycho or need 'help' as he tells me regularly. It's him... Again, I could go on and on, but I'm just so sad and glad to know I am not the only one who wished he would just disappear.

I am in the SAME situation! Reading this, i thought you were writing it about me! (but i have 2 kids)....i HATE the ******* i married and have been stuck with for 11 years!!!!!

I feel asthough I am in the same position with two children and my hated husband.<br />
I left my job stupidly to bring up my two - the eldest is now six, and from that time he controlled me through financial security.<br />
He started a business where I lost all of my 30k of savings. - stupid me!<br />
Ive lost my friends because I was never allowed to see them - If I did he would hurl abuse at me for days after.<br />
He never helps with the children, home. He does nothing but his supposed job that takes him out every minute the children are at home.<br />
He started slating me to his family, and even though he has had an affair they are all behind him<br />
Its been eight years I have been with him, and I have despised 6 of them. <br />
To be honest I never loved him from the start. He was believe it or not a really kind, nice friend to begin with until I got with him. Since then all he has wanted to do is destroy me. financially I have nothing, Im now mother to two children ( who I love dearly) and I really cant see any future for me.<br />
I look back on the days when I had my own home, money in the bank, socializing with friends and a job I loved and think If only I had told him then that I didnt need a man in my life.<br />
I didnt get one anyway. He is one lame excuse of a man.

Everytime i have a big fight ... wi wish the same....Honey is not going to happen...just get out of that relationship...He will not die and you will not manage his money.... You will get a job, you can get custody of your kids , child support....dont stay in that miserable marriage anymore

I left my husband and stayed with friends for a couple days and he stopped drinking but now we argue about everything..

My husband is a hateful, horrible man. He has called me a lazy maggot, *****, ****, useless and much much more. It is laughable considering we have four children, one of whom I homeschool. I clean, I cook (he cooks too though to be honest). I work in the evenings and weekend to supplement our income, I am also working towards my Masters degree. I don't have tie to be lazy. I am a well educated woman, I have a wonderful job as a midwife, I have lovely children, I own my own home. Why do I stay with such a bastard? I think I hate him. I have no respect for him. I don't know why I stay. Ths is the first time I have acknowledged these feelings. Who knew you could type the words 'I hate my husband 'into Google and find a website about it.

I too share the same feelings about my husband. I have been married for over 20 years and I feel nothing both hate, resentment, and hate(did I mention that all ready?). We got married when we were 21 and he 22. We have two children (22 and 17). The communication is the worse... it is non existant. The sex is infrequent and routine. He blames me for everything.. just everything. There hasn't been any physical abuse but we say awful things when we are angry. I dont have any feelings for love, respect, and compassion for him. I dont feel sorry for him. I stay because my daughter will be 18 and going to college this year. I think it would be quicker to get this divorce after she turns 18. I can be patient I have for many years I have been asking for a divorce. I think 2011 is going to be my year. I dont believe living with regrets but I now have accumilated many with him. Why didnt I get a divorce sooner? How could I have been so lazy not to clean this mess up years ago. Being complacent has hurt me and made my life a living hell. I too have such frequent dreams of being alone and he just dropping DEAD! <br />
<br />
I have lived with this hate for years... hating the way he walks, dresses, look, facial ex<x>pressions, conversations, the way he eats. I watch him eat and pray he chokes so I can pretend to call 911 and watch this miserable F... DIE! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! Sometimes waiting until my daughter turns 18 seems like an impossible task. This marriage is beyond repair. I know that I am not fooling my daughter by staying and trying to make this a tolerable living situation for her. While I live in this HELL. I pray to GOD that he is in a car accident..... I hate everything about him. <br />
<br />
We moved across the country to try to start over but it did not work. iT IS jANUARY 2011 and my daughter turns 18 in April, so if God doesnt answer my prayer and this miserable S... doesnt kick the bucket I will get that DIVORCE.

oh my god I think we are married to the same exact man. My husband says much worse to me. Much much worse. I hate him . The very look athim I feel disgust. He purpously intagonizes me and walks around with a smirk. He is contolling munipulative. And full of sh!t the list goes on and on. I too have four small children and nowhere to go. I have actually researched homeless shelters that's how fed up I am. I was young and stupid when I met him and very naive. He is ten years my senior and was looking for some ne easy to munipulate. I've caught on. Not as stupid as him but stupid enoug at the time.

I am so sad. I just really hate him. I feel inadequate writing this because so many of you seem to have it worse than me. but i really hate him and I am really hopeless. he has a good job goes to work everytday very early -- "entertains" often in the evening. We have four kids, they are difficult, special needs, and i know he loves them, but i don't believe he loves me. he is very mean to me but not in the way i read here. he is passive aggressive. doesn't hit me or really call me names, but he is VERY mean and very selfish and really wishes he was a bachelor. i even wonder if he is gay. Before we got married we had sex, but it got less and less each year. it was never great, but now if it happens ever it is so not.<br />
<br />
he lies all the time about everything. little things big things. can't ever tel when he's telling the truth. he is very well liked by everyone he knows, very social very fun. but he is mean to me and it is very painful to live in this house.<br />
<br />
i love my life and i would lose it all if i left. i love my house, my social life, our friends, my friends, our children, the money that lets me live this way. i would lose everything. i do not have any family other than his to support me. i would be all alone.<br />
<br />
i think he hates me too. i think he would rather be anywhere else, but he has it pretty good, he comes and goes and travels and does God knows what.<br />
<br />
I just hate him and I am once again hopeless. I have divorced friends with children and they sseem to have it even worse.

I'm in the same situation (mess) or whatever f'd up thing you want to call it. When you have young kids and stay home (while he's at work playing around with other women, texting, and who knows what else, its nearly impossible to leave. What will happen to the kids? These losers are never home and they don't even know the first thing about them. Would their lives possibly be in danger of neglect if you weren't there?? And what about the ****** and losers he would be bringing around after you've seperated?? Would they try to sexually assault your children?? I guess we will just have to endure an unfulfilling life so our kids can have a full one. :(

This is how I feel about my husband. He is always telling me I'm lazy, I stay at home with our daughter and our house is always fairly clean. We decided together when we had our daughter, I would stay at home with her. Now he keeps telling me I'm lazy for staying at home all day and not doing anything!! I clean, I cook, I drive him to school, I take care of our daughter. HOW IS THAT LAZY!?

im so glad to know im not the only one who hates my husband, after almost 3years of marriage a short courtship before that a 30month old baby and another on the way, i just can not stand the man i married.<br />
<br />
there has been one incidence of physical abuse which i reported to the authorites, left for 6weeks we had couples counselling and i went back, the verbal abuse only got worse, he lost his job and moved to his parents, im back with my mom.<br />
<br />
he smokes weed and drinks which always triggers the verbal abuse but hides under church and God when sober, i have been labelled a non supportive wife by his mother who expects me to move in with them and probably do their hause chores.<br />
<br />
on the otherhand im so relieved to be away from him, i feel so empowered and as joyful as i was before i married him, he is very controlling and wants me back, he stalks me and has disrespected my moms home a couple of times under the excuses of loving us and never letting go of his family.<br />
<br />
i plan to leave my moms after i have my baby but im scared of him moving in with me forcefully. i am capable of supporting myself and the kids and he finds no shame in not giving me a penny, that if we need support we move in with them.<br />
<br />
what should i do...... confused mother....<br />
the guilt of depriving the kids of their father etc

My husband is the exact same way. He refuses to help me with our son. He complains and moans and groans. It's emotionally exhausting for me to beg and plead with him to help me. I spend more energy begging him to help me than it would take for me to just do it myself. When he's not working he's sitting on his overweight butt playing his computer games. He calls me lazy when I ask that he help me with our toddler. <br />
<br />
I stay home with our son and I work from home AND I go to college. <br />
<br />
My husband thinks since he works 9 hours a day he does enough and that I need to stop complaining. <br />
<br />
I'm making a plan to save money, get a career when I graduate in 2 years, and leave him once and for all. <br />
<br />
I too am hostage like you. "Our" car is in his name, "our" home is living with his grandparents, I have nothing to call my own except my clothes and books. But I am making a plan to become independent. <br />
<br />
I should have known he was like this. He has a 9 yr old son from his first marriage and he does NOTHING for his kid except pay child support. <br />
<br />
I hope you and I are both able to get out of our hells. Just take one day at a time and work toward making yourself independent so you can leave with your babies.

I have read several comments and found that most of you girls say the financial factor that stops you to step out of your marrige and to leave.....BUT I belive that not this is the main reason of keeping ourselves in the marsh...<br />
In our marrige I am the person having a good job and high salary, fand or many years I pay the mortgage and the bills, I buy the cloths for the children. From financial point of view I am able to grow up my children alone. We live in a flat that is owned just by myself, so in case of a divorce my husband will leave without having any property....So what can I loose by divorcing from him?<br />
I really do not understand myself, I feel I am alone with my " I hate my husband" problem. I can not tell this to my mother or to my friends....<br />
Why am I so coward? How many years do I want to waste?<br />
Write me for this question something.....<br />
Thanks,<br />