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My Husband Is Arrogant and We Don't Have the Same Rules!!!!

I hate my husband of 4 years I've known him for 22 years. He is arrogant, selfish, self centered and self serving and VERY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE..... He is in Special Forces so he thinks he's even more important. I am breastfeeding a 5 month old and today I had enough...so instead of fighting with him in front of everyone I got in the car and left...yes we have bottles and formula for back up... unfortunately my baby hates bottles. Any how as you can see I can't even collect my thoughts to write this...I am all over the place. Long story short I was gone a little less than 5 hours, he called my friends house and told me that if I didn't come home he was taking the baby to the hospital to tell them I had abandoned my kids. Ummm he is the father!!! Then he proceeded to call the advice nurse and tell her I abandoned the baby and he hadn't eaten in 6 hours...and mind you he was sitting in a wet diaper. He doesn't sleep through the night...he feeds more at night sometimes than during the day. He didn't try to give him any food. Yes, I feed him baby food. He is always yelling and screaming at me outside so neighbors can hear. They all can't stand him or the way he treats me. It's obvious. I can hardly wait until he needs a new security clearance. He yells at me outside and tells me I'm a ***** and horrible mother at least once a week. He tells me I'm worthless and do nothing for our family. Ah because I stay home to raise our children. I work on his divorce/chil support case with his ex....we pay her almost $2000 a month. Yet I do nothing for our family???!!! I don't have any clothes at this point that fit or even look decent, don't get my hair or nails done and have anxiety attacks when I go grocery shopping....yet he can buy beer, chew, car parts, nice equipment which he says is for work, guns...etc.... When I was pregnant he registered at adult friend finder under a name.... the name of his favorite car...which he has 2 of...so I am reminded everyday of that when I pull in the drive way!!!! Am I nuts to hate him???? Oh so when I came home today after he says I "abandoned my kids... he took off!!! We definately don't have the same rules... God help me I hate him SOOOOOOO much!!!!

thewifeofasfsoldier thewifeofasfsoldier 36-40 12 Responses Oct 11, 2008

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Leave the bastard! He doesn't deserve you. And he knows he can get away with being an ******* to you because he has in the past. I would seek counselling first.

Oh how sad....this is a old thread but wherever you are I hope life is good. I too was married to a SF man for 17 yrs. Although he doesn't deserve the title of man. He was very abusive. I can say most of the men I had met over the years on the ODA's were abusers in one way or another. Cheating. alcoholics and such. I had a neighbor who was so abusive to his wife we would all hear him yelling and screaming at her all the time. Horrible things....his daddy was a high ranking officer so he got away with everything! I know my husband reported him and so did many neighbors and friends....and nothing! I don't even think he got a slap on the hand. <br />
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@ exSASguy?! Seriously? YOUR SAS? Yeaaaaaa.....suje had a point! And since I'VE lived on the shoes of the SF life and you, well, you're SAS.......I've been between 5th and 1st. I've seen in the last 20 years how much SF has changed. It is younger men. What do you mean they can't be full of themselves?! Serioulsly?! They are full of themselves. And WTH is a rear personality? You mean A**es? I've seen plenty of men in SF who don't have much going for them other than SF....it's their claim to fame! And when I say the majority of the guys I knew weren't smart...I mean they ain't cooking with all burners!!!!<br />
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To the wife of a sf soldier...I hope wherever you are you have peace!<br />
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@manublore....yes, you can leave him! Your children will thank you!

i am going thro this after 22yrs of marriage, we have children 21yrs and 16 yrs old..............cant leave him for the sake of kids

@suje sorry i meant to say you don't understand not ''****.... you are stupid

@suje Are you saying they are stupid? ****.... If anything you are... to get in SF you need to be smart... so that rules out that you said them being dumb. <br />
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they need to be young not too young but around mind 20's.<br />
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they can't be full of themselves otherwise they wouldn't get in.<br />
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a breed of their own ''gag'', huh? they are well above average in fitness, mental attitude and must have a rear personality... they are special breed of men.<br />
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but @ thewifeofasfsoldier he does seem like a **** and i hope you find someone better then him.

To be honest Women are one track thinkers. That man have to go overseas and his life is in danger just to provide for you. How you think he feels. BUt, most women are a bunch of complainers and really are kids that rely on self pity. Everybody have a responsibility. His Job is not your job. Go and help him with his missions in Iraq or Aghganistan. Do that. You won't? your scared. BUt, you will judge that man for what he does. Raising kids are hard and guess what so are relationships. Wake up and smell the coffee Life is not tv. It's life

WOW! That could have been me! Special Forces and everything. Those special forces guys are a breed of their own....GAG!!!!! My husband is now out and a contractor, thank the Lord, he is a different person now. His PTSD is under control and he is able to talk about it, which in SF you're considered a ***** if you have any emotion about things. Most of the guys in SF now are young and dumb and full of themselves, not old school men! "Hate my husband" hang in there...and don't listen to peons like "pennydollar" who probably haven't walked a day in your shoes. <br />
Thinking of you<br />
suje

your story sounds oddly familiar, only wish I would of known what a Narcissist was before I got married 20 loooong years ago, copy and paste the link below and go read the article on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, if the link dosn't work go to MayoClinic.com and look up Narcissistic Personality disorder. <br />
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http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

They all suck...I think the female of the species should just get rid of all the stupid fu*kers, maybe keep a select few for reproduction and do away with the rest. As you have probably guessed I'm not to happy with the dumbass I've got right now either!!

Sunflower is right, I think your comment will be very helpful to thewifeof, regarding pennydollar, well, I know wives that hate therir husbands after knowing him for many many years, others after onlya few months , it doesn't matter, really, some husbands pretend they are another person after years of dating and maybe instead of judging her your comment can be helpful, the point is not what should I've done BEFORE marryng him or having kids with him, but how to help to solve the problem regarding hating him, asking her why did she marry him is worhtless, she just had a baby, she's breastfeeding , she's exhausted, tired, sensible, instead of havving his husband help emotionally she does not have it and it's vvery difficult.... she needs to rest, take a nap while the baby sleep, don't do anything else, so you can feel better and try to ignor him... well, it's easy to say but believe me it's very difficult to do it...

I just wanted to comment on the fact that you said you had known your husband for 22 years. (but only been married 4 years). If you knew him for 22 years, didn't you see how his personality was all those years and why did you marry him after knowing him this long?<br />
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My suitation is completely different because I only knew my husband 7 months before I married him (I regret this because I should have took more time, then I would have never married him!) Anyway, I have been married for 13 years and I hate my husband. My husband is the nastiest, meanest person I know, but I only found this out after I married him.<br />
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It was stupid for me to date a man for 7 months and marry him, but for 7 months he was nice to me. He only got mean after I married him. But my question to you, if you knew a man for 22 years, you should have known what you were doing when you married him? I don't think your husband could hide his "real" personality for 22 years, maybe he could hide his "real" personality for 7 months, like my husband did.<br />
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What do you think about this?

Wow I wish I would have read your post when you wrote it. You sound like me about two years ago when I had just had my second child. Having a baby, caring for the baby and breastfeedin him/her can definitely take a toll on you physically and mentally. And you are having to deal with your husband's bagage and bad attititude. It sounds like you have a very large load and very little support. I am wondering if you have any one out there you can reach out too. At this moment it is important that you take care of you and your child first. So when the time comes you are better able to make a decision on whether you should stay or leave. I was in a similar situation. What helped me was to first seek counseling which helped put things in perspective for me and served as an outlet. Then I built a support net work for my self. You know got involved in mom's groups etc. There are supprt groups for military family and spouses. And I started to work out. I guess what i am saying is that in order for you to be able to take care of your child and find out what steps to take in you current relationship you have to take care of yourself. I would say definitely find a network of people you can truly trust to help you cope and help you with your baby, or when ever you need a break to recollect your self.