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He's So Mean

I am sitting here hoping to read this story later and think its not happening to me. I loved him so much . There was nothing I would not do for him. I forgave him when I found out he cheated..(like a dummie). I accepted his entire family as my own , and put my own family and friends on the back burner.-That was the biggest mistake . I saw all the potential he had and helped him pursue his desires , while ignoring mine. Instead I focused my energies on building a family and investing time with my children. After my children were born i felt like I was not alone in the house anymore. Time and time again my mother advised me there was some serious emotional, verbal and mental abuse going on.When i creid over abusive things he laughed or just decided not to say anything AGAIN. When i fell he laughed with his family and friends. I made up my mind never to let him see me cry again.What hurt most when i did and still do everything to help him he finds a reason to hurt me and blames it on my character. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. I am a work in progress. One thing held true despite all of that .. I loved him .. Now the love is gone . I have learned alot. Never love anyone until you first love yourself ,because to love yourself you have to know yourself. That is something I did not know ME. I looked to him to help find me or to create a new me because the one I knew was so messed up , i thought that would fix (heal) me .. and it didnt , It actually made things alot worse. And lastly  I have stopped expecting things from him that I know he will never give me , the kind of things people with unconditional love for one another do, like I used to have for him. Whats so sad I dont know if anyone will ever be his Ms.Right , because I sure had a go at it , and i tried my best and lost myself in the process . No longer though . The race is over . I will never win his heart . Its his and his alone . Now my heart is mine.

yesihatehim yesihatehim 26-30 3 Responses Nov 14, 2008

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Wow. It's almost as if I wrote this. Except, I didn't. But one person could never relate more than I.

I just read this. It is like reading about my own life. Wow. Even the part about getting with him in the first place because you thought he could help find yourself or create a new you, because the one you knew was so messed up. SNAP, bigtime.
I hope you are happier now, 4 years on. I'm still stuck - yeah, with a guy whose heart is his and his alone. I wish you so much happiness and love. You deserve it.

My husband is a jack ***. He says the worst things to me. Like, if i get dressed up he tells me im trying to show off. Or, if were out dancing and i start to really get into it. Im a show off again. He be little's my job, how i speak, tells me im not perfect, or you think your an angel. the list goes on and on and on. All i do is work a full time job, and 2 part time on call jobs then go home to my 4 children. i cant take it anymore but i feel so sorry for the kids. Oh when it comes to affection. NEVER! Im not out of shape. Im in pretty good shape to have popped out 4 children and in mid 30's. i tried to leave. He just gets crazy. he makes up things and constantly accuses me of messing around with his sisters husband. I think he has some mental issues and needs some serious help. i just dont know how to approach him with the subject. Im not scared of him.