I Feel Like I'm Married to a Totally Narcasistic Little Boy

I really dislike my husband and every day he becomes that much more-so less attractive and I dislike him that much more.  My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married 8 years ago.  We have a seven year old and a five -year old son.  When I was pregnant with the first-born he left me when I was six months pregnant (yeah, I know what a scum).  On top of it though, six weeks after moving out he started up with a girlfriend because after all (poor him, he was SO lonely).  I called him from the delivery room and he didn't answer my phone calls, probably because he was with his *****.  We reconciled after a year of him being out of the house, to try to get along for our son.  I consider him extremely verbally abusive and he considers me physically abusive.  He screams and says thing to me that I consider abusive.  He used to get in my face like he was a drill Sargent screaming at me at the top of his lungs and has spit in my face on a number of occasions.  He says things to intentionally hurt me and then when he angers me so much I end up losing it and hitting him.  He then of course has ammunition on me and calls the "abuse card" on me.   I'm not saying that's it's OK for me to hit him.  I know it's not and it's against the law, but from my point of view he does everything to me BUT hit me and it feels like he's hitting me with a baseball bat.   He is high-ranking military person and so he is well-aware of what the laws are and what he can get away with.  (When I pregnant with our first-born son he pushed himself against my stomach and spat in my face).   He does and says everything EXCEPT strike me, because he knows what the laws are and what he can get away with.  Being with such a controlled and manipulative person I often wonder what kind of psychopath I'm married to.  I consider him dangerous, not that he would ever hurt me, but that some times I feel that he would love it if I just offed myself.  Isn't that horrible to think that of your spouse?  One time last year I threw a glass of water (not the glass just the water) in his face and I couldn't believe it when he called the police on me.  After everything he's done to me and put me through he called the police because I hit him with water.  (He always wants to have control of me).  He did end up telling the police that he was mistaken so I didn't go to jail, but had he not lied they would have taken me away.  He of course thinks I should be grateful that he lied for me and I didn't have to go to jail because I'm so "physically abusive".  He doesn't consider himself abusive and believes that I'm the only abusive one in the relationship.  I've told him on a number of occasions that I feel like I'm beaten with a baseball bat, which I really do and unless you've been through what I'm describing, you probably can't relate.  In addition, he is constantly "preparing" for our divorce by saving voice mail messages and emails.  Last time we were separated his attorney told him that I would have to file for bankruptcy and he was OK with it.  Even though we bought the house with two incomes, he only gave me what he was required to give me by the military.  He also had his first wife declare bankruptcy because she couldn't afford the house by herself.  I used to get these really nasty emails from him telling me everything he hates about me.  Now just over the last few weeks those emails have stopped, I believe because he is saving up ammunition against me because I've already been through this once with him and understand how dangerous he is.  I really can't stand him and have no respect for him and he knows it, which is why he will make me pay and destroy my credit if we ever chose to end the relationship.  Whenever he gets angry he screams at me at the top of his lungs and it's incredibly embarrassing to me that I'm married to a low-class loser that doesn't care what any of our neighbors think.  I'm sure they believe that he's beating me up all the time because he demonstrates no self-control whatsoever and also wants the neighbors to know that I hit him and will scream so that everybody can hear that I hit him.  When I try to talk to him about his yelling he blames me and tells me that if I don't want the neighbors to know anything then I shouldn't hit him.   I know it sounds like I hit him all the time, but I don't.  I know it's against the law.  I probably end up hitting him about 4 times a year.  I guess you don't or can't understand when I state that I do very abused and feel like if he could get away with it he would kill me and get rid of the body.  I realize this sounds melodramatic, but I'm just to have you understand how dangerous I feel he is.  The only reason he doesn't kill me is because he can't get away with it.  Does that make sense?  Even though he isn't hitting me it really feels like he is beating me with a baseball bat.  Whenever he gets mad at me he tells me he wants a divorce.  He constantly has temper tantrums and says horrible things to me, just to hurt me, like no one likes me, I'm terrible in bed, etc.  (because I don't trust him I also can't relax in bed with him and HATE it.  On top of it, he thinks he's so well-endowed and he's not).  He has no self-control and whatever he thinks comes flying out of his mouth.  It seems that he finds things to try and hurt me and then uses them against me in an argument.  How can I live with or love someone like that?  Since I feel like I'm married to a 8-year old little boy who has no self-control, I have lost all respect for this "man" and I can't stand to be around him.  Then because I don't have sex with him that often (gee I wonder why) he constantly accuses me of having an affair.  I recently started telling him how pathetic his rationale is.  After all, it couldn't possibly be that he treats me like an enemy.  Rather than recognizing his part in all of this he chooses to believe I'm "doing" someone else.  He also never apologizes for anything that he says or does, not only to me, but to our sons.  Last year he started screaming at me in front of the kids and they have witnessed some horrible, absolutely horrible fights between us.  He usually starts arguments after I'm in my pajamas and so it doesn't occur to me to leave the house.  He views that everything is always my fault and nothing is ever his fault.  Even when I apologize he doesn't apologize because nothing is ever his fault.  He is an angry low-class little boy.  

Can anybody relate to this story?


suzieq12345 suzieq12345
5 Responses Feb 9, 2009

I can totally relate to this type of abuse. My husband is never at fault for anything. He knows exactly what to say and do to push my buttons and then I get angered to the point where I want to hit him. Oh, then I am the abusive one. I absolutely hate the person that he turns me into. I don't know what the answer is. It's amazing that there are so many men out there with the same issues.<br />
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Rock on!

By the way, I called a mental health line last night because my husband started his beligerant b.s. again. What I was told is that he is insecure and threatened with me and that he is fighting demons from his past, so he continues to fight with me because I'm the closest one to him. I have lost all respect for him because he exhibits no self-control whatsoever. I was also told he wants to control me. This counselor also told me that this is a common problem with some men. So, for what it's worth, your not going insane. It just freaks me out. I don't know what the best thing to do is. I'd love to leave him, but we have two kids together. I'm not sure which one will do more damage.

Do your spouses tell you every time they get mad at you that they are "leaving you" or want a divorce too? Today we went away for the weekend and he started yelling at me in the car about something. When I reacted and started yelling back at him, he told me to "watch my tone". Is he kidding me? If I give him directions and tell him to turn left, then he'll turn right and accuse me of giving him wrong directions. I think the guy is truly a luney. I am so sick of being married to a pathetic "man". I think I understand that he uses the anger to try to control me. I have no respect for him and I certainly don't even like the guy.

I would love to kick your husband's ***! It would give me a sense of accomplishment in a world gone mad. The anger you are feeling is normal. Who wouldn't want to slap the **** out of that loser. Don't let him get to you! The minute you stop letting him control your emotions, you'll win! I know it's hard to turn someone off, but you can do it. My husband did horrible things to me for years. But I learned to turn off my emotion regarding him. I have become to soul of indifference. Last night I was in the bathroom and I felt happy for the first time in a long time because I have dedided to consult a lawyer this week to divorce. I'm tired of being afraid. Afraid of being alone, broke, with two kids. I deserve some happiness and I will make it on my own and so will you.

Similar, but not quite that bad. We had horrible fights in front of the kids. I did hit him for the same reasons you did, just couldn't take the abuse and I'd lose it. I could keep my cool most of the time but every now and then, I would feel like I was pushed too far and explode and all the crap would hit the fan. It isn't good to hold your rage inside. It makes you a powder keg. It makes you sick in your mind and heart.<BR><BR>I finally found out he was having an affair. I won't bore you with the details in between. Lets just say when he saw that he was losing me, his kids, the only stability he ever knew, that is when he went for help. He had 2 years therapy. His relationship with our kids has gotten alot better, but he still has his f*ing childish rages now and then. Much less than before though. <BR><BR>Wish I cared. I'm done with the mofukker and have been for a long time.<BR><BR>He no longer treats me badly because I QUIT TAKING HIS CRAP. I kicked his a$$ out and left him in the cold. I let him come back home ONLY for the kids and I regret it. <BR><BR>He hates women. He always will. I am a woman. He has no business being married. WE have no business being married.<BR><BR>I can't wait to leave. 3 more years 'til my kids are grown and then I will burn rubber in the driveway on my way out. FUKKING LOSER. I hate him every day.