The Nice Drunk Who Works.

My husband has come a long way. He doesn't put me down and he's no lo longer the boss of all outcomes. I'm in charge of the money. I am aloud to tell him what to do and what not to do. Things like put away your shoes, do some laundry, feed the dog, wash the van. I ask nicely and he's willing to help with things now.. But he also wants nothing to do with me in bed unless he's drunk. A drunk that works is not any better than a drunk that doesn't work, he's only worked four months in the past 3 years, and his family thinks I should be happy he's working. I want to see progress. I kicked him out of my room months ago because I have woke up at night and can't get back to sleep because I'm thinking about how much I hate the dude. He's only been back in our bed for 3 days and it's driving me nuts. We haven't had sex for 7 months and he doesn't seem to care. He hasn't had a license in 12 years, he's such a stupid lowlife. He has no High School diploma or GED, I think he's stupid and doesn't care enough about his family to get it. When he drinks he doesn't do anything crazy like beat people up or call people names. He just turns into someone with an IQ OF 13 and passes out sometimes for more than two days he's made himself so sick I've had to take him to the hospital. Point is, this idiot would rather go to work and let me hate him more and end up divorced than go into a three month program to get healthy. Dumb***! He gets drunk like this once a month, and misses family functions and let's down our kids when he tells them he's going to do something with them and decides to get drunk instead. And guess who looks like a fool for marrying the idiot. I'll be getting a BA degree and plan to keep going to get a masters because I am doing so well at being a student. I have no job because I'm taking him to work. Another reason I don't work anymore is I do not want him alone with the kids while I'm at work, just in case he decides to be irresponsibly drunk around them and pass out. He's come a long way because his heart is softened and the kids love him, but I still think he's a dumb*** for not doing what it takes to become sober. When I divorce him, not if but when, he will have no way to get to work and will have no place to live. He knows this and still continues to drink. I know what he deserves, he thinks it's Vodka. I act nice to him most of the time just because I know I should, but he also knows everything is far from okay between us. He's ignored my ultimatum to go into rehab, so he's choosing divorce, what an ***hole! So I guess I'd better go through with the divorce. He thinks if he kisses my *** and is nice to me I will not do it. That selfish idiot thinks he shouldn't have to stop drinking, like he's got a right to. I hate drunks.

summers5 summers5
31-35, F
7 Responses Mar 10, 2009

He thinks it's okay, and not that big a deal since he doesn't hit me, or call me names. <br />
I'm still showing my children it's okay to be with a drunk. They can't trust that he'll be sober enough to see a movie with him if he tells them he will. I can't count on him to watch our kids, pay bills, or be sober for us when we plan a family outing. What's he good for anyway....I say to myself. My new baby is now two weeks old and it's coming up to our one year anniversary from him moving back in from being separated for a year before that. You'd think it would have waken him up. Well he made that idea fail along with many others. It looks like he'll be getting served papers. I can't stand thinking about being with him for another 14 years. It makes me want to throw up thinking about it. I'm glad he hasn't wanted sex the last 9 months or been loving at all, that has made it easier to make this decision. June of this year is the month our families life will change forever. 14 years is long enough, I've tried and tried to make things work. He's just no good and not smart enough to do something about his sorry self.....

I'm sooooooooooo done with my husband and he knows it!!<br />
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When he takes ONE drink I will be headed to the court house with my mother TO make sure his get papers served. I kept thinking he was smarter than this and thought if I gave him a reason to get better he'd want to. Well, he's made me look like a fool far to many times. Now it's his his turn!!!!!!!!<br />
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I can't wait tell he starts it up again. I tell him to go ahead and do it. The sooner the better. I tell him it's up to him to loose his family, his job and his dignity. Go ahead and drink again, there's money in my purse, there is a party down the street. Do it, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS I TELL HIM. If your not scared shitless you should be I tell him. <br />
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He's such a screwed up mess, it's just a matter of time before I'm done with him for good. I tell him I know he's a jackass and it might just be better that you didn't go to rehab. It would just prolong the divorce process anyway, it should happen all the sooner now.<br />
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If he thought I was upset before he had another thing coming. He had know idea I could be the tough *** ***** I am now. I'M TELLING HIM TO BE THE DUMB *** I KNOW HE IS.... WHO BROUGHT IT ON....I say it's the idiot who thought he was doing nothing wrong. And he act's so surprised. WHAT A MOTHER FUNKEN LOOSER...and none of it is my fault because he's had many chances to make a difference to be someone other than a drunk, but he has made the choice to go this far, to get to the place he is now. He has made the decision to end the marriage, even if he didn't know what the funk he was doing.<br />
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To bad, I'm so done feeling sorry for the *******. <br />
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WAITING FOR HIS NEXT DRINK TO END IT....FOR GOOD....FOREVER......AND EVER................................amen. <br />

I hate drunks too! My husband loves his beer bottle more than me. He refuses to cut back or get help. How do smart women fall for uneducated drunk men.

Alonon has given the the feeling I shouldn't take things personal. It's personal when your children will have not have a good father figure in the life because he chooses to not take his marriage serious. Only 1/4 of all who file for divorce are men for this plain and simple reason. 3/4 of the others are wife's who feel they deserve better and have tried to make there marriage work with men that disregard reality. The reality being they could be next, and don't believe it could happen to them. That's why we wife's get so angry, because they don't seem to take marriage serious. If they did there would only be 1/2 the divorces there are now. Why must they ask for a divorce like they do? Don't they get it by now?

He should not be surprised when I divorce him. The thing is it does feel like I can help make him change for the better. He's going to church and AA. And he's also reading about the effects of alcoholism on children and me, as well as watching videos about it. I have educated myself on all the effects and read many books about co dependence. I have become assertive and tell him like it is. I care about myself and my children more than making him happy and comfortable. I actually work at making him uncomfortable so he understands what life is, and what he should do to keep his family in tacked, not around the kids of course.. He doesn't argue with me any longer and asks nicely for the things he needs. He's got a lot a more respect for me than he used to because I have stood up to him and told him like it is. In this way are marriage has got better. It's in his hands not mine, the marriage is in his hands, he will be the one to end it by showing me he can't do what it takes, he's been getting better but not better enough. I tell him he'd better understand, or he's going to be a whimpering baby crying for his family before long. I'm sure it will not be long tell he's out on his ***. Thanks for your comment. <br />
I wonder how many of the stories are read by men. Or if it would just **** them off so they stay away from the idea of finding out why some are hated. I like to here from any of them. I know I'm interested in why men hate there wife's and have commented in there stories about what they might do to help make there marriage better because man they just seem so clueless.. There point of view is interesting to me, we as females are very different from them in childhood, are they all just that hard headed I ask myself?

As an alcoholic he sees only the path that is infront of him, the next drink and that is a path of distruction and devistation for all included. He is not seeking rehab or help because he is still active in his drinking and does not see this a big problem. Loosing his license, his jobs and respect will not be enough to make him stop. Yes he needs to go to rehab, get sober and make changes in his life, but as you stated he won't. So now it is time for you to take care of yourself. You will never be able to make him change, or make him go to rehab and get sober. It just won't happen. It is more important to get help for yourself, and a great way to do that is to go to Al Anon. This is a great and free support group for the families caught in the middle of alcoholism. They will teach you how to stay out of the middle of the road and to stay on your side of the road. If you try to go over to help him or force him, you will end up getting hurt. If you stay in the middle of the road you will get hurt. If you work on yourself, which it sounds like you are (education, and taking care of your needs) then you will get better and leave when the time is right. Best wishes it is hard to be in that situation.

Sorry about looking like I don't respect my husband. Maybe I should just vent like this to a counselor instead of stressing others out. Who can hate there husband and still respect them? He deserves a divorce, not to be killed. I'm looking into getting some legal paperwork done so I no longer have to put up with him. I'm mad and sad because it seems like he just doesn't care enough to get it dealt with properly with a professional. He could have a good life, we could be good together if he'd just wake up, it hurts.