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Constant Criticism

Hello everyone,

I am new to these pages, and have never written a blog like this before, however I am so fed up I feel I need to vent my frustration.

My family and my husband's family were long time friends, and when I was growing up I worshipped him from afar - there is an 11 year age gap. When I was 20 he asked me out to which I agreed, and we got married 2 years later. I had a stepson, and almost from the word go if I told him off my husband called me the "evil stepmother." That's when the first drips of anger started against my husband. He always took my stepson's side and wouldn't have him reprimanded for anything - at the time I doubted myself and thought maybe I was being overly parental, however we now have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and guess what, he tells them I am a nasty mother who hates them and I don't want them, etc, etc, and this is me just being a normal mum with normal children who have tantrums and want their own way - however in his book children should never need to cry!

On top of that, before I had the children I worked full time in a bank which I gave up to look after the children, and I now want to return to work part time. He started his own business 4 years ago and he doesn't want me to go out to work, he wants me to work for the business which I can't stand. He uses the argument that it is him who has kept a roof over our heads for the past 7 years, if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have the car, food, clothes for children,blah, blah, blah.

I decided I would do a college course 3 hours a week for 10 weeks - he has stopped that as well, just with his constanst negative comments eg, "yeah, you find childcare and go off on your little college course - you won't get any help from me." (there are loads I could mention however don't want to go on too much.

I just feel so weak - I can't stand arguing or standing up for myself - WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

He criticises the work I do for the business, he criticises the way I keep the house, the way I treat the children, what I cook for tea, the TV programmes I watch, the magazines I read. I used to really enjoy doing gardening and odd jobs around the house - he criticized me for wasting my time farting about when I should be earning money. Everything that comes out of his mouth is about earning money.

I hate him. I have recently had visions of being violent towards him - is this concerning?

I just feel so trapped and unloved and alone.

Off to do the school run now. Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 

Sewandsew Sewandsew 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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YOU KNOW WHAT? DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH HIM. YOU ARE HUMAN BEING AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST. PLEASE DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT.

IMHO it sounds to me like your husband is very insecure, maybe its the 10 year age difference and he is feeling inadequate? Putting you down constantly, and keeping you 100% dependent on him (ie no work, no school....) is his way of controlling a seemingly dangerous situation, well dangerous for him. If you are out working away from him u might find someone else, if you go to school you might pal up with a schoolmate..see where im going with this. And by bashing you to the kids and beating down your confidence in your mothering abilities he hopes this will keep you from taking off with the kids, hoping that you will be too insecure to try it on your own. My advice would be go out and get your education, whatever you have to do to get it do it. Secure a job outside of your home. Once you do and see how capable of a person you are without him, u will be suprised how little of an effect his catty comments have on you. Good luck hun

! Let us know how it is goin!

My husband used to be like that before I went out on him, by kissing someone. I was on anti-depressants because of the way he treated me and I didn't want to give up on the marriage, but should have. It would have been easier to leave when he wanted me to, instead of insisting that I keep our marriage together by not leaving him. I ended up going nut's and was put in a mental hospital for 2 weeks because of the extreme stress and taking generic Prozac. He came to visit me everyday and I thought he had the heart to change his ways. But, he just started drinking more. I moved in with family, and when to college for dental assisting and got straight A's without him around while he was in rehab. He came out and started the same crap of drinking to much. He went to another rehab came out and started it up again. The thing is you can want your marriage to work all you want but it will not work if he's not willing to honor and respect you, and you might even end up in a mental hospital, and be dreaming about the nerd that liked you in high school like me. I'm an idiot for giving him a chance, over and over again, and wish he wasn't here now. He's here in my house because I believed he had enough brains to keep his family in tact by becoming a sober person. He's lied to me so many times it makes me sick. He does kiss my *** now which is nice, but only does so I don't divorce him. He doesn't care about getting any education, and doesn't even have a GED. He has no license so I have to take him to his 9 dollar and hour job. I have to stay home with the kids and not work because his hours are always changing and because I can't trust him to take care of them in case he get's to drunk. I'm getting a BA online through Ashford University, and should be teaching my own special education class in 3 years tops. I can get work easily, and know I can make it on my own with help from the state with daycare, and food stamps if I need it. I've got so fed up with mine, because I've tried being understanding and encouraging to the alcoholic. Now I've just done telling him this weekend that I will be getting divorce papers and be getting them served to you if you drink one more drop. I've become so hard hearted that I told him where a party was and told him to go so I could get the papers this last monday. I've told him there is money in my purse if your wanting some alcohol go ahead and get it so I can divorce you. If you know you can do it on your own you get the guts to tell them off. Now he's in the position I was, and he's hoping I'll become nicer and asking me to tell him I'm sorry. All he's got to do is get some education so he can support his family better (this can be done online after work). I'd have more respect for him if he said, take me to AA I know I really need to go on a regular basis. It's just seems like leaving things done half way is his motto. I wish I wasn't so stupid when I was younger and wanted to have so much fun. There were many chances I pasted up to have a secure relationship with a nice down to earth boring guy. Instead of feeling sorry for a lowlife that was going know where, and trying to love someone that you had your first baby with. I did this to have a family for my daughter but man has it been hell. I feel for you. Look up assertive and find some free classes online. I did and they are helpful. You can look up sociopath to and see if it fit's your husbands description too. Those two might give you some motivation. Work on yourself and you'll get strong.