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Incompatible At 30 Years And Counting

Another day, another try at making this work. It never worked great, but the kids are great, he is fit, smart, nice and now after ignoring them for 20 years actually a great parent. Unfortunately, I find we are incompatible and I just want to be without a partner. Is it the hormonal swings? (I am on Prempro), but after 30 years of a strong physical attraction I am just not interested and guess what? Nothing about him interests me. There is a long line of women waiting in the wings, he is known far and wide as a nice guy, we are wealthy, he drives several sports cars, he is smart, he is good looking, he is fit, he has all his hair (at 50+ it's hardly grey) and is extremely virile.

What is wrong with me.....everything that comes out of his mouth drives me nuts. Oh, did I mention he does all the cooking, and does it very well!

I can't stand football, fantasy football, the food channel, would like to decorate without his input, don't care what we have for dinner and am just tired of the whole thing...marriage that is.

truthisoutthere truthisoutthere 51-55, F 9 Responses Oct 11, 2009

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Have you ever tried walking into the room with your robe on with nothing else; or joining him in the shower. It's so easy to give up after so many years. Have you ever sat down and asked him what's up., what is going on. I bet if you planted yourself naked in front of the TV you'd get a chance to find out.

Have you seen the movie Hope Springs, great movie except I cried all through it, why because I could have written the book. Sad how others see us living the dream, when in reality we are trying to just get through each day. We have been married 30 years, my husband acts like we are 30 years older than what we are. I have raised my kids and ready to live, if we go out its only because I want to. last year he made a comment that he went on vacation with me like one week out of the year was suppose to be fulfill his duties of a husband. It hurts so badly to be in this relationship. He is very aware of my feelings, I think the most lonely someone can be is when they are lonely in their relationship. This will surprise you it was his idea to go see Hope Springs, ironically firwst movie he has taken me to in over a year. After the movie on our drive home, he made a comment that it was a good movie, I said yeah I could have written the book. There was only silence, its been almost 2 weeks now since we saw the movie, he has to know that this is so much us. I am nearing the crossroads.

I feel the same about mine. I cannot stand being around him anymore as he has made dozens and dozens od promises and yet never sticks to them for more than a week. Everyday I find myself regretting this marriage. He is a complete a**hole and bully. A complete emotional retard. I wish he would agree to a divorce and I hate the very sight of him.

I can totally agree, been married 26 years to a world class control freak~ He lost his job several yrs. ago and has been working out of town. I have been living at home by myself since then and I have never enjoyed my life more. I am gonna talk to a lawyer because I just cannot live woth his incessant bossyness He has told me sp many lies.

Wow, these comments are so refreshing I've been married to my husband for 30 years together 35. It's so sad we have nothing in common anymore other than gardening *yawn. He was an *** in the beginning of our marriage a complete ***. He had affairs, treated me poorly, stole money from my family but with 3 kids what was I supposed to do. I've drug him through life he's been an unhappy slob, miserable the whole time and has made sure I understand he's miserable because he married me. This man asked me to marry him on his knees numerous times before I said yes, then once he got me treated me like I trapped him. What an asswipe a real asswipe. He ignored the kids felt tortured to go to their games and now in front of the kids pretends to like me what a liar fake bag o poo! i want to live alone and as soon as I can I will!

LOL! Oh my goodness ... Sickahim, you rock! This story line is so educational for me. I've never married and don't plan to unless it's right. And I really mean RIGHT. Besides, there may not be anyone who wants to marry me. Anyway, thank you all for sharing. :)

Like wishhewouldcroak (love the name!), the thing that jumped out at me when reading your post was that you mentioned he was not a good dad until he got older. I"ve been married 27 years so I know about the long-term marriage boredom stuck in a rat trap feeling.<br />
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Was your H ALWAYS this wonderful? I mean, it IS true what Wishhewouldcroak says that frequently, when the babies are little, men treat their wives badly, are a-holes, and ignore their children and throw way too much of the parenting chores on their wives. This plants seeds of resentment in the woman and when the kids are older and she plain just doesn't need his money as he probably makes a good living by then and she'd get half anyway if they split up -- maybe she has a career of her own, the kids are pretty much grown so she senses she has some freedom, sex with him is boring because you just don't feel it for him anymore after having put up with him for all those years, all his annoying habits - of which men have many -- seem magnified 10,000 fold. You wonder where he gets off thinking he's god's gift to womankind.<br />
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Men slow down and become so fricken boring. They get funky as they get old. TV occupies 90% of their spare time (in my H's case, 100%). Their brains rot from lack of use or something so they aren't interesting to talk to. Most of them look like hell, but even in the event they happen to keep their looks, by the time you'be been married 25 years or so, their feet stink or they've got funkly skin conditions or sinus allergies, they're minute men in bed, they snore, any number of old man funky stuff. Who needs it?<br />
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Finally, after all the years of raising the children nearly single-handedly, managing the house, etc., catering to his sexual desires, we have room to breathe. We haven't got the kids and we haven't got sex, either our sexual needs or his, to think about all the frigging time. We can finally think about other things. For once. And the last thing we want to think about his HIM. We have spent too many years thinking about HIM.<br />
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It feels good to finally be able to put ourselves first. REAL GOOD.<br />
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Doctors say it's hormones. People say it's mid-life crisis. I guess we're supposed to feel like anomalies because we want ourselves back. Like over-the-hill freaks of nature because we have a chance now to catch our breath and realize how much of ourselves we have let fall by the wayside over the years. Dried up crones because sex with a grumpy, fat, saggy butt, bag o'wind, thinks he's a prince stinky breath man is as appealing as two day old Chicken McNuggets.<br />
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For those of us taken for granted, abused, ignored, mistreated by our husbands in previous years -- in the later years -- we have to seriously weigh whether we want to keep him around.<br />
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There's nothing wrong with you.

I can sort of relate. Everyone thinks that I have it perfect and shouldnt complain. I dont know if yours is a case like mine. But it sounds like he at least wasnt a very hands on dad until the kids were grown which sucks. When they arent there emotionally for us while we are raising the kids we grow resentful and bitter. If you were once attracted to him maybe it is partly hormonal for you. But either way...if you are unhappy ..you are unhappy.

Holy **** ... your story is one of the most awesome and baffling things I've read on EP. It's like you've "got it all" but you're ready to walk. Wow - hope you stick around and continue to share.