I Think It Is Far Worse Than Hate
If I could describe the way I feel about my husband it would be a whole bunch of words like disgusted, annoyed, disturbed, grose, dislike, hate, and so much more that I cannot write them all down. When we first met, things were great, just like any new romance, but I think I settled when I said yes to marrying him. I just wanted to experience that love that people talk about and truly want to spend the rest of their life with that person. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life with my husband though. Just the very thought of him being home, annoys me. He travels alot for work and when he is gone - I am so happy, full of life, cheerful, but as soon as he is home, I am depressed, pissed off, annoyed and I can't stand to be in the same room as him. I don't even get mad if he doesn't call when he is gone - I actually hope that he doesn't. Last night, he wanted to have sex and I had such a hard time with the fact that I can't stand him, that I had to think of him as being someone else. I love sex and I don't want to have it anymore, at least not with him. I work full time and take care of the kids the rest of the time. Very rairly do I ever get time to myself, but if I do - then he surely points it out. The fact that he is over weight, doesn't do anything around the house when he is there or spend anytime with the kids or myself (although I don't mind that part), has put me to the point of I don't really care about him anymore. I don't think I am in love with him anymore, because if I was than I would be mad and fight with him about these things. But I am not mad and I don't fight with him anymore about anything. I just expect these things from him and try to stay away from him. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and a son with him, so I worry what I would do to them, if we did get divorced. I think I am only staying for the kids right now. I need to do what is best for them. My happiness is that he is gone a lot and that gives me some peace. Thanks for listening - I just needed to vent for a while.