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Would Like Some Feedback Please...

Hi Ladies.....I just stumbled upon this site. I hate my husband with every fiber of my being. A little about me, I'm in my mid 40's and have a 9 and 7 year old who are the loves of my life. My husband is a completely different person than the one I married 11 years ago. He is the most angry, selfish, socially retarded, vindictive and malicious bastard I have ever had the displeasure to be around. While there is no physical abuse, I just cant deal with the stress of the emotional abuse any longer. Several years into our marriage he began to change and as much as I hate to admit it, I ignored the warning signs. I was too afraid of being alone. Now, there is nothing I would like better.

I am preparing to hit him with a divorce and I have quite a few fears about that. Three years ago I reached my breaking point and told him to pack his **** and get the hell out. He was so angered by that, in response, he called the police to our home and accused me of physical assault. The police could see that  nothing happened and they told him to leave the home and cool off for a while. No sooner were they gone than he grabbed my daughter and picked up my son and stormed down to the county courthouse and managed somehow to obtain a temporary restraining order against me by telling a judge that I assaulted him and I was physically abusing our children. I was tossed out of my own home for a week pending the court date, at which time I had gotten the police officer who responded to his call to testify to what actually happened (which was NOTHING), he was made to look like a lying fool and the restraining order was tossed out. I came back to the house, mistakenly thinking that he would not be able to hold his temper in check and I would be able to turn the tables on him with a legitmate charge. Unfortunately for me, he has been able to maintain and he knows just where to toe that line and not step over it. 

Anway....I've had enough. His rages, tantrums, attempting to embarass me in public, generally acting like a bully at home, not contributing sufficiently financially to the household. I"M DONE. I interviewed a few lawyers and the minimum I need to start proceedings is $5,000. I do work but things are so financially tight around here that there is just nothing left over to put away. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that the good credit that I have worked so hard to build up is going to be shot to hell because the bulk of it will have to go on my credit cards, which are very close to being maxed out because I have had to use them for the past few years to pick up the slack on household bills when he doesnt contribute his share so I can keep the house afloat. The state I live in has an extremely high cost of living and housing is sky-high. I couldnt even get an apartment for what I pay for my mortgage, I just dont know if I can swing it alone. And we owe more on the house than its worth at this point. I want to stay in my house which is not a great house but its MY house and my kids' home. I have a great support network of wonderful girlfriends and I hate the thought of having to move away. I am heavily involved in my kids' school and their activities and we have ties here. He has family in the area who would take him in no problem if he would only MOVE OUT. But he has made it clear that he will not be the one to leave. So I find myself in this dilemma. I KNOW that although I do not want this to be an ugly divorce for the sake of my kids, he is very malicious and he is going to try and make it as dirty and ugly as possible. Which means it will also be very expensive.   

I came to the conclusion recently that I need to stop being afraid, that I have to either take the risk of the divorce and pray that most of it will shake out in my favor, or I can be miserable for the rest of my life. I have to take the risk for happiness. 

And to the women who wish for that phone call saying their husband has been in an accident, or that he dies in his sleep....you are not alone. I think those thoughts every single day. 

bluemarlin1 bluemarlin1 46-50, F 8 Responses Jan 3, 2010

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men r shite!!!

Goodluck and God bless, i think it's just time to move forward. Alone.

I want to add that I have made my decision. I'm done. In the words of Anais Nin, "the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom". I'm ready to blossom. I've talked to an attorney who I really connected with (and after many consults, one who is compassionate to my financial situation) and I am DOING IT. Wish me Godspeed and luck. And if I can do it, YOU can do it. Life is so short, do not waste one single more minute. The way I figure, can it be any worse than it is right now? I think not.

And ladies...know you are stronger than you think you are. If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT.

Thank you for your comments. Tonight solidifies my decision. My husband was angry with me and ended up telling my 9 year old that he would not help him with his cub scout Pinewood Derby car, which absolutely crushed my son to tears. For no reason at all. I'm so done. No one hurts my child like that. I will not wait. I will not subject my children to one more freaking day of this toxicity. Divorce proceedings will start within the next week. I will keep you updated.

My husband is a lying, backstabbing coward and I too, hate him with every fiber of my being...I want out and there is nothing preventing that....except me

wow i felt so guilty that i thought like that, thanks

To heck with the credit! Get the divorce and rebuild your credit later. He's a real a-hole with that restraining order b.s.!!!!