I Hate My Husband

I met my husband when I was fifteen and we have been together for twenty yrs! We have been married for thirteen with two great kids. My hsbnd is a great father. He is hard working generous person. The problem? He cannot tell you what is bothering him so he blames me usually and he gets very, very angry.

This summer we had a problem with his new friends which included a single girl. I hated it. He would not stop talking to this girl or seeing her. I almost left him. I don't know if he cheated or not but if left us on the outs for months.

What the hell do I do after being with this man for twenty yrs with two kids, I do not have my own job he has supported us for ten yrs now while I stay home. I have no where to go, no money and I am depressed. All this has left me feeling so ashamed and worthless. I love my husband with all my heart, if he said we could go for help because he really wants to work things out I would be on seventh heaven, but thre is no chance on that wehn he does even admit when he is in the wrong. Maybe i shoud just go for help. I just don't know anymore.

missmom2245 missmom2245
31-35, F
11 Responses Nov 8, 2007

He won't apologize because he has the upper hand. He doesn't think you will leave him because of your. financial situation. He holds all the cards. Secretly start stashing away every dime you can. If you can make extra money babysitting, etc. stash it. Look for any job that will hire you. When he sees you getting less financially dependant upon him, it might be a wake-up call for him. Who is this girl. She is way outta line. As long as you are living there, tell her she is not welcome in your home. Who cares whose toes you step on. No matter what your hubby will have to help you financially, unless he quits his job. Tell him to move out. That is your house as much as it is his. That way if bills don't get paid on time, that's his credit. Don't be the loser just cuz you married one.

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Damn I thought I had it bad!!!!!!!!!

I don't have children with my Husband but it sounds like mine has a lot in common with yours. He has an issue with admitting the way he is feeling, and we have also had a problem with him prioritizing other women before me. I still love my Husband as well, but I can't help but hate him at the same time. I understand what you're going through.

My husband is the type of man that would prefer to live under his retarded mommys roof and have her pay for food and rent and even his gas and car and insurance and utilities well the list goes on. Oh and also his sons things from his first marriage. I cant stand him, no balls whatsoever. Yes he works, but before me his money was going directly into his own account, he would always forget his wallet at home etc etc. I think im going to divorce him within the next two years because I really cant stand him.

Boo f***in hoo have you met other men? Get some job skills!!! How old are your children

hi, I'm new to the site and wanted to comment after reading the above story.<br />
I am currently going through the same thing although when I confronted my husband about it 3 weeks ago it ended up in a physical fight and the brusies are now just about faded. <br />
I don't have children as thats the one thing we can't have and I do earn my own money as I am the higher earner in the relationship. But this does not make it any easier to end the relationship or try and leave.<br />
My husband insists he never slept with anyone else but I read his txts, email and social networking sites that I coukd access (he has 2 he kept from me) and I don't think I'll ever be able to believe what he says but it still dosent make it easier to leave. <br />
I now have depression and have been signed off by my doctor from work for the last month<br />
I hope we can both sort our marriges out

hi there, same here found out my husband was cheating seven months ago he said it was over and to give him a chance that he still loved me but guess what two months later he still in touch with her and tells me that he was breaking it off slowly so she wont ger hurt and that things are over. three days ago I find out he still speaking to to her because she keeps calling him crying and depressed. what am I doing wrong, giving this man three chances. I must be insane, but enough is enough I am leaving and he can just go to hell.

Don't look back girl. You are in love with the man you thought he was, not this jerk.

You must b crazy to stay with him....
He may hurt You really bad one day ..push down the stairs ...leave
anything is better then to have a relationship like this...

I noticed that a lot of the women posting in this "Hate my husband" thread do not have their own income. I believe it's really important for a woman, even a married one with kids, to make her own money, have her own bank account, and never ever let the man take a cent. It's HIS responsability to provide, but he naturally thinks in numbers and probably has more respect for a woman with earning power. Also, having a job means having another world to retreat into when home life is stressful or dissatisfying. It means friends, coworkers, challenges, and personal growth. It also means an open door, a plan B, an alternative option when the marriage is oppressive and degrading to YOU. I mean "I", and the "You", "Us", "I" trisection of marriage. You need to give to all three parts of the marriage, each other, the relationship and sharing, and yourself. Work is good. Education is essential as well. Good luck!

You are sooo right...I needed to read this today
Thank You for these wonderful thoughts !!!!!!!

I agree totally! I wish I had never quit my job, yet I enjoyed being home w my girls. We loose ourselves when we have no outside interest and co workers and just a sense of independence.. I want so badly to get back in my field, but because of similar situation, I've been struggling w depression, anxiety, and there are times I just can't function. This is not who I was, I'm so ashamed of what of become.i need a miracle 🙏🏼

You could be reading my story. When the only recognition of our worth comes from our husband who refuses to appreciate us, we suffer from depression and self loathing. It's hard to find a job when we don't even like ourselves.

Personally, I think you should start working on getting the skills to support yourself. There is nothing more love-killing than a man who does not communicate (like mine). Without communication, the relationship cannot survive. <br />
<br />
Save some money. Go to school and get the skills to support yourself. Make an exit plan.

Well, it sounds as if your kids aren't teenagers, they will be soon. Delegate out some of your responsibility for their care to them, bits at a time, and start looking for local programs you could take advantage of. Something empowering. You might want to look at taking a single course at a time from the community college, or look for other less main-stream courses in your area. When you feel more comfortable, there are many agencies that will be willing to offer free help with a resume when you sit down and talk to them about it. By the time you've built yourself up to a stable confidence level, the kids should be ready to head off to college on their own, or close to it. Empower yourself by taking pride in what you've done and how far you've come. Don't make it hinge on your husband or your kids. If things go south in the meantime, at least you will be on your way to standing on your own.

Maybe he just doesn't want to burden you with his problems so he doesn't tell you. Don't ever assume someone cheated if you don't have proof. Just because he's talking to a girl whose single does not automatically mean somethings going on. :P If you start finding condoms around the house in strange places, you have a problem.

He should never put himself in a position where it could be misconstrued in the first place, if he is serious about his marriage.