Finally Getting Out!

It started 5 years ago when I was pregnant with our only child and I was reading my husband's profile on a raunchy dating (sex) website.  He was looking for someone to save him from his terrible marriage and to make him feel like a man.  When I confronted him he said that if I paid more attention to him and showed him more affection (ie. more sex) he wouldn't have to look for it somewhere else.  At this point I was 5 months pregnant and miserable.  This behavior continued over the next 3 1/2 years with wesites, ****, texting and emailing other woman.  I don't know if he ever had sex with any of these woman but from what I read the intention was there.  And as always if I was a more attentive wife he wouldn't have to do this.  A perfect example was on a miserable vacation we took with my in-laws and a 1 year old, on the first afternoon I had to myseld to relax without cooking, cleaning up or chasing our son he wanted to have sex.  When I said no I want to relax and read a book he went to the store to get coffee and met a women he texted for the next two days about how miserable his marriage is and maybe they could get together.   And once again it was my fault.  On each occasion he would tell me how sorry he is and he never meant to hurt me but deep down he was hoping to get caught so I would pay attention to him and realize that my actions or lack of were hurting our marriage and hurting him.  Well we were on our third marriage counselor when I found out once again he was calling another woman, adn the excuses started again and I told him I was done.  I contacted an attorney and was ready to start divorce proceedings but was bullied and sucked back in...biggest mistake of my life and one I will probably regret for a very long time.  At this point our son was 2 1/2 young enough to not be as affected as he is now.  So I stayed and as far as I knew he stopped talking to other woman but I also stopped checking his phone and computer.  I figured why make myself crazy, nothing would change if I found out anyway.  

At this point I had fallen out of love with him.  Besides all the other woman there was the way he treated me.  I was told that it was my job as his wife to have sex with him and take care of his needs.  His idea of foreplay was saying "are we going to have sex or what" and "if I don't have sex soon I'm going to explode"  Really put me in the mood.  That and the fact that he was able to come and go as he pleased,not a care in the world, while I worked full time and took care of a toddler and house.  And when that was done I was expected to put on the lingerie and stilettos to keep my man happy.  He was also very anxious to point out all the things I didn't do for him, I didn't tell him I love him enough, didn't hold his hand, wasn't involved in his activities, didn't dress sexy for him, didn't dye my hair blonde for him.  The list goes on.  Tell me why any woman would want to do anything for a man who treats her like that.

Now after all that and I stayed with him he was fired from 4 professional jobs...for questionable reasons, all of which were not his fault.  Each time my son and I lost health insurance.  He found jobs to help in paying the bills in between but the stress was unbearable.      Finally the fourth job and his actions after were the final straw.  Within days I was talking to an attorney.  Right now my life is miserable since we are still living in the same house, don't talk and can't agree on anything.  He was also recently diagnosed with a mental illness but at least is taking medication.  He keeps talking to me about how we can make this work but since all this happened he has posted profiles and paid for dating websites and has been out on dates.  Also has some male sex enhancements drugs in a baggie in his dresser.  Guess he's keeping his options open.

I know that it will get worse before it gets better.  But hopefully eventually I can get past this.  The only problem is he will always be my son's father.

angel1216 angel1216
36-40, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

Sweetie, go through with the divorce and get outta there. Even if you had greeted him at the door every night dressed in Saran wrap with dyed blond hair, he would still cheat and find some other reason to blame it all on you. Now that he has an inkling that you are actually thinking of leaving, he is going through half-hearted motions to keep you under his control, with booty options, of course.<br />
<br />
This behavior of his will also let his son know that women are worthless and not to be respected. You deserve better.<br />
<br />
You have my best.