I Am So Depressed

i've been married to my husband for 9 years now, we have three kids together.  For the past 7 years i've been on a roller coaster ride with him.  he goes out drinking, doesn't answer his phone, and not come home till the next morning. when i try to talk to him he says he doesn't want to talk about it.  he is so controlling and jealous and doesnt want me to do anything or go anywhere. i always take him back and forgive him.  i have been so depressed lately and everytime i try to talk to him about it he says i'm being dramas.  i am so sick of this, sick of feeling this way and sick of crying my eyes out every night. my kids see me crying al the time and i just don't know what to do anymore.  sometimes i wish i never met him.  the only thing good that came out of this marriage is our kids....i would never want my daughter to be with someone like him, but i just don't know how to leave him.  he threatens he would kill himself if i leave him...i just want to be me again and be happy!!!!!!!!

rokki05 rokki05
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 28, 2010

You need to make a plan to leave. This is bad for you and bad for your kids. Just having a plan and working toward it a little each day will make you feel better. If you have someone outside the marriage you can trust, bring them into the loop. Someone who you could stay with, who could help you get a job if you need one, someone who can help you squirrel away money. No question, the divorce part will be wrenching, but think how strong you'll know you are when you get to the other side. I feel for you.