I'm Losing It!!!

I got pregnant at 19 and had my twin daughters.  3 Years later,I was a single parent and so delighted when my new boss took me under his wing at work and after a few months we fell in love. We got married a year later. While we were on honeymoon I bought some jewellery and my husband thought I got ripped off on the price. He called me a stupid **** and a thick  fat moron. I was shocked he had never spoken to me like that in the year we wre together. I should have taken it as a sign and left him there and then. 12 years on and I am still a fat **** and a stupid idiot according to him anyway. We now have 3 kids, the twins are nearly 16 and a boy who is 9. And what do u know after 10 years of being told I'm a fat ***** I became one. After 3 years of being called a **** if I looked in a mans direction. I started to eat and eat and eat I gain 100lbs having been 130lbs all my adult life. My husband has made my life hell I have lost friends because of him, I have changed from a popular outgoing person to a fat sad one. We work together in my business, he doesn't have any friends, we rarely go out. He says he is too embarrassed to be seen with me. I am waiting till my son is 17 to leave him as my kid loves his dad. I decided last November to change my life. I have lost 45lbs so far and although I have been like a faithful dog for the last 12 years. This yyear I am going to lose 100lb and embark on an affair to remember. I am sick of my husbands emotional and sometimes physical and sexual abuse. We live in a nice house in a nice suburb and I have been so worried about what everyone will say if i'm on my own that I have been dying a slow death. My best friend got married last Oct and is loved up and cant understand my situation. She says if I lose the weight he will love me again, but I'mm passed all that to much bullying under the bridge. I cant believe I've found this site and can rant in peace. 2010 is our year girls I can feel it. Peace out:) Michelle.

michelle99 michelle99
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 3, 2010

weight can play a big part on your self esteem.. I know how you feel.<br />
im nineteen and i got married.. and i honestly feel like it was a mistake.. I was supposed to join the military but something got in the way now im stuck living with him and his grandma and i feel like **** because just the other day my husband told me to go back to my moms because his grandma dosent want me here anymore.. how nice of him.. he cnt even provide me with security.. all he wants to do is play video games ALL DAY!! he is gaining weight and turning into a major fatass ...i cnt wait until i get a new contract so i can drop his ***.. effing hate being married.. hate it!! he only comes to me or is nice to me when he wants something in return.. he is such a pig.. stupid crippled pig.. uggghhh!!

Don't let anyone tell you if you lose the weight he'll love you again! Love should never be based on things like that. I'm glad you're losing weight for yourself, and that you have a plan in place for leaving. You will be your old self again someday soon. I feel the same way about 2010. New year, new decade, new life for me, best of luck to all of us in his boat.