I Feel Trapped!

I don't even know where to start. I hate my husband. I wish he would find someone else. I wish he would not come home from work somedays. He works for the Railroad and I have even wished he would die in some train accident. Should I be feeling this way? It's not healthy and not fair to our 4 children. I can't stand him touching me. It makes my skin crawl. He is the world's biggest jerk and I wish I would have listened to my Aunt before I married him because she sensed something was not right with him. My husband has a way of making me feel small. I need to apologize for every argument we have and take all the blame. Everytime we fight it is because I have voiced my opinion and he does not like it. He has even told me that he wishes things were like the old days when women obeyed their men or else. He has never hit me and never would. He just likes to deal out the verbal low blows and the mental mind games. I feel like a maid in my house. I make sure he has everything he needs and the way he likes it. I take care of our kids all day long. I have no time to myself and he doesn't think I need it because I don't work as hard as he does. He tells me when I break down and cry because of all the stress that I need to go tell Dr. Phil. He has no sympathy for me or my feelings. He is hot and cold. He can be real enjoyable and fun to be around and then he turns into this monster. Who doesn't want to talk to you. Walks around bitching about everything that needs to be done and how I need to go do it. He calls it his "Git R Done" mode. He is such an idiot. I want out of this marriage so freaking bad. But I don't know what to do. I am here only for the kids I keep telling myself. I don't even love him in the slightest way. I have a plan to leave when my 10 month old starts school. But I honestly don't feel like I am going to make it here six years. I can't keep going on like this, it is killing me.

ashtymorsy ashtymorsy
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I know how you feel, completely empty inside. I feel that way to sometimes. My husband liked to try to prove me wrong all the time. he likes to bring things up from the past that don't amount to a hill of beans. i guess this makes him feel like a big man. I have no respect left for him. Good luck to you .

i dont know if you believe in God or not but I would like to recommend this book that has helped million of wives out there same with your situation, I actually have it too :) the title is "Power of a praying wives".<br />
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Just a quick note to add: Don't depend to your husband when it comes to your happiness because he will just fail simply bec. he's not perfect.. But depend everything to our God who is perfect, the most important is your personal relationship with our God . Have a bless and nice day ahead ttyl