I Married A Loser!

My husband was wonderful until he quit his job in 2004 trying to become an entreprenuer.  Since then its been up and down.  Lately its been down and I wish I never married him.  He walked out on his last job in January, stays at home for 22 hours a day, never tries to find any friends, does not cook, does not clean the kitchen, just washes the clothes (does not fold them).  He borrows money to pay his portion of the bills and holds a grudge like a wuss by not speaking to me b/c I don't want to visit his mother after we've spent FOUR MONTHS staying with them from SEPTEMBER THROUGH DECEMBER.  I truly loathe his presence.  His idea of taking care of the kids is placing them in front of the tv while he's in the backroom on his computer.  I wish I NEVER MARRIED him.  I spend so much of my day wishing, "man if I would have just broke up with him when.... or if I would have divorced him before...."  I know its not christian like to divorce but I don't feel like God put us on this earth to be with someone who causes so much stress. 

ihatetlb ihatetlb
31-35, F
93 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Sorry, but if you stay with a loser that makes you a loser, too. Life is too short.

My parents abused me as a child and teenager, my dad was religious, extremely protective and I wasn't allowed to date. I kept my boyfriend a secret until we found out we were having a baby at 19, and I went to live with his family. I don't see my family anymore (I'm 21 now) and they don't speak to me anymore.
My boyfriend says he's going to the army to earn money and deferred his engineering course over a year ago. He only works 10 hours a week, he barely pays for anything, I have to use my whole fortnightly parenting payment from government to look after our daughter and ourselves. We live in a tiny community housing apartment where our neighbours are junkies, not fit to have kids. When he does help out he's always cranky and does a bad job but I still say thank you and try to appreciate him. He's just so lazy, all day he plays video games and ignores me and our 1yr old. He spends his money on things he wants instead of helping me out, I pay the rent while he pays the bills which are tiny in comparison. I have no support from my friends as I'm out of contact and at a different stage of life. None of them have partners or are parents yet so I don't have much in common and I feel too depressed to try and find more friends, I feel like I have too many things go wrong in my life and I don't want to be that negative person everyone hates. I want to run away from this place with my daughter but I have no money for a new place to live and as much as I want my boyfriend to change I don't think he will unless I leave him but he's my best friend and I'm so scared he won't want me back if I leave, but he leaves whenever he feels like it, and when he comes back he always acts like nothing even happened and expects me to be fine. I'm sick of taking all the responsibility for a child and a house with 3 people in it. i just want more help and support but he makes me feel like I'm just stressing too much and need to relax?? He constantly tells me to just relax, and then gets annoyed because I am not happy sitting around in a messy house that I didn't cause. I wanted to marry him but lately he's been making me really unproductive, unmotivated and depressed by his constant lazy presence. I feel like an unappreciated single parent because I do almost every single thing for our daughter. We fight more now that we moved out on our own and he breaks holes in the walls and yells and swears and if I put myself in his way in an attempt to stop him going he threatens me and throws or drags me out of his way. I feel like I will never be happy. I wish I had a mum to talk to or something, I don't know what to do.

I understand your frustration!! I'm starting to feel the same about my husband, and as christian woman this extremely painful!!!!

I understand what you're dealing with. My husband is a loser too. Similar situation- borrowing money from relatives, tried starting his own business (which flopped) and just annoying as **** to be around. Everywhere I turn, there he is! He has no life and he's not an adult, he's a baby. He always talks when I want to be left alone and whines when I don't want to have sex. I'm so over him. Wish I hadn't married him. I hate that my kids have him as an example to look up to.

Good thing there's the internet so you can whine and complain to strangers. Call and lie to the pigs he beats you as theyre always willing to sleep with women on the side

Good idea asswipe! You sound like the poster child for miserable passive aggressive internet stalkers.

I bet the guys you thought you were to good for see this as karma.

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I wonder if you are still with him? I read the 5 love languages and it gave me a chance to put my marriage to the test. We are all different but it's worth a try.

BTW my husband works but doesn't make enough to pay his half of the bills, hid kids see him as lazy because after work all he does is watch TV and eat and sleep. I feel like I married a teenager, at the time we were 20 now we're 40! It's always been a struggle. I resent him and don't trust him for many reasons.

I don't believe in divorce but I do believe in being happy. It's a choice. Many women are married living single. But I'm convinced that it is my duty as his friend and wife to encourage him to be his best him. another book the power of a praying wife.

If you are a Christian there are lot of scriptures that will offer you hope and support to get through. God will give you peace if you let him.

I understand completely, funny enough I'm actually a husband who's been serving(restaurant) as a method to take care of my family of four. Remember that as long as he is working he cares about you but if he ever decides work isn't worth the bills he's saying he doesn't care if your taken care of. I'd do anything to care of my own.

The good news is that 'God' does not exist. Enjoy your divorce.


Im going through the same dam thing except my husband phyically abuses me after I caught him flirting with some other ***** we argued n then he hits me says Nothing was going on .i hate him so much that I wished he was Dead .sincerely nancy schulz in houston tx

so...the logical idea is to LEAVE....its not that difficult. Open the door and walk out or are you not telling us the full story?

Sounds so familiar I wish my husband was dead too it's just a shame for our 2 sons they're the ones who really suffer from dad hitting, spitting and being verbally abusive. Sometimes I would rather be hit than hear the cruel words from his mouth because bruises heal his words have scarred me for life. I was abused as a child and when we argue he calls me grandads special little girl. I hate him

I'm sorry for what you are going through or went through. I too was abused as a child and made the mistake of telling...my verbally abusive, gaslighting, pathetic excuse of a boyfriend of 8 years..this very private, painful information..and I am repeatedly called names very similar to the ones you're called, but worse. This is beyond hitting below the belt! I hate this man and have been trying to get out of this relationship off and on for years. I'm over it... Fairly confident that this time I can truly let go of this scumbag. I hope you're in a better place and that you've left your loser too and have moved on. Take care

My S.O. and I are not dating. We are not in a relationship and since we are not in an official relationship there is absolutely no possibility of us having actual problems. Yet, while not in a relationship, he still ***** up with my mind constantly. He somehow manages to find all the things i would hate him to do and he does them intentionally in order to see my reaction. Since I have quite a brain capacity, I realized that it makes him happy to see me react, which leads to me having no reaction whatsoever. He can be the most infuriating person ever, especially when I turn all sentimental and mushy on him. He is allowed to say all that sentimental crap, but when I say it, he does not like it and acts like a little b****. Yet, he blames me for not having a reaction, but when I do, it's the end of the world. My S.O. has an idealistic version of me in mind, and is probably scared that I will not meet that idealistic version, so scared that he doesn't even look.

My S.O. is not easily impressed. He says he is lazy and antisocial, yet, he is the exact opposite of that. He tries to justify mistakes even before he does it, which makes me want to send him to a world of pain. He makes of point of reminding me constantly that there is nothing between us, which gives him peace of mind for exactly half a day, until he comes back. He does not give any **** about my trust issues, which are quite obvious from my behavior. If I told him I was dead afraid of flying he would book a non-refundable parachute ride for me, in order to see if I faint before or after jumping (or more accurately, after he pushes me off the plane while laughing maniacally). My S.O. does not see that what I usually say is what I really mean, and that for every time that he left I can leave to, but I choose not to. That's all the any relationship or non-relationship sums up to – choice.

My S.O. hates me with a vengeance sometimes. He thinks I expect things of him, which is not true. He leaves constantly , sometimes just for fun, sometimes for good reasons. Yet, he never asks me if I want him to leave. (mainly because he might change his mind, i suspect.). He might be scared that I have nothing to lose. He might also not care at all. I mainly protect him from myself and the devastation I could cause. My S.O. is the exact opposite of everything I have ever known before.

Ask him to leave. He is not your friend. Find a therapist to deal with your issues. Change your locks. Change your number. You deserve better. He is a sadist and you, believe it or not, are the masochist. Get him out of your life. As long as he's around, no one else has a chance to get to know the real you.

I went running one day on the trail that often run just to relax, what ran pass me was a handsome man. Nice teeth I caught a glimpse of his cologne and I thought to myself if that man come back this way that's my husband. I proved the be careful what you ask for/pray for method because baby..this man is a loser I married him after 9 months of dating its 7 years later but we have been separated..Ask me why..Ok he is MOMMAS' MONKEY (BOY).

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It's truly sad to hear all of these stories about bad husbands. I used to think I was a lucky woman. That is, until I got pregnant, which was not long after we tied the knot. He changed; and I didn't understand it.

The first sign of change was that he forgot my very first birthday as his wife (and I was 7 months pregnant at that time). Needless to say, I was devastated -- especially after I heard stories about how he used to go away on trips for his ex's birthday.

When the baby arrived, he slept in a different room. Yes, I was on mat leave; but it didn't mean I was on vacation. Trust me, my mat leave was no vaca. Having only 3-4 hours of sleep every night for the first 3 months is not something I would want to experience ever again!!! I was in physical pain and felt light-headed daily. Still, I received little help / care from him.

We've been married for nearly 5 years now -- our little one is turning 4 soon. I stay in this marriage because I feel guilty if my little one has to go through single parent's life.

I'm so confused and feel so lost most of the time. Work is my get-away (as sad as it may sound).

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same situation

OMG. I think I'm dating y our ex :X

My uncle "Sam" married a loser... he's been married to "Beth" for the pass 20 years. Children ages 18 and 13. She refuses to get a job throughout the whole marriage and fights were constants. Shes has been working the past two years, but still refuses to pay for any bills. My uncle pays for everything and cooks dinner. luckily the kids are old enough to do chores. He wants a divorce and the kids are encouraging him. They know their mom is crazy. She's hopeing for a divorce so she can get half of the money when the house goes on sale. We dont know what to do... we dont want her claws on my uncle money and property. To top things off... we came from a pulmonary office today and was told there is a mass growing in his lungs. (He used to smoke cigs) we are waiting for a biopsy appt. My family is stressed. My uncle is going thru so much right now. Any advice is helpful

God gave Israel a divorce: She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous sister Judah had no fear, and now she, too, has left me and given herself to prostitution.
Jeremiah 3:8

Divorce him.

i feel the same as you. he is right now snoring soundly, after coming home late drunk. he doesnt have an income, we have 3 children youngest is 2months and husband cant even pay bills. he has refused to get a job. i pay all bills which he sits all day on the sofa, watch all tv and videos and music, eat as he wishes. he is of no help and i no longer repsect him as a man. he is actually a heavy weight on my shoulder. i have tried to get rid of him but he cant leave. i cant leave as i dont want to disrupt my daughter schooling, in lower primary, as i want her to catch up first before i get a boarding school for her and that way i can relocate. we have talked and qualled but i guess he thinks am desperate and knows that i will foot the bills when he freeloads coz i have to feed the children. now again i have to wait till am on my feet as am on maternity leave to think clearly. he hasnt bothered to look for a job sisnce january and for the last 3 years he was working for a meagre salary, so i support us for 7yrs.

hey, weit a sec. r u pregnant with a rabbit? ur hubbys meagre salary can feed rabbit, but a kid.

i feel the same as you. he is right now snoring soundly, after coming home late drunk. he doesnt have an income, we have 3 children youngest is 2months and husband cant even pay bills. he has refused to get a job. i pay all bills which he sits all day on the sofa, watch all tv and videos and music, eat as he wishes. he is of no help and i no longer repsect him as a man. he is actually a heavy weight on my shoulder. i have tried to get rid of him but he cant leave. i cant leave as i dont want to disrupt my daughter schooling, in lower primary, as i want her to catch up first before i get a boarding school for her and that way i can relocate. we have talked and qualled but i guess he thinks am desperate and knows that i will foot the bills when he freeloads coz i have to feed the children. now again i have to wait till am on my feet as am on maternity leave to think clearly. he hasnt bothered to look for a job sisnce january and for the last 3 years he was working for a meagre salary, so i support us for 7yrs.

If you are that unhappy leave. Yes u may have kids but they will grow up to see what u r going through and end up with someone just like him. U don't want to be a single mom, hey guess what women have been doing it for centuries. You don't want the church folks to talk ha they will if u stay or leave. It's your one life live if we'll leave that looser he don't deserve u. Pray to God and he will bless u with you hearts desires. ..

I can relate to this so much. My husband is so lazy and emotionally abusive toward me, at times I've felt physically threatened by him - he calls me bad names daily, gets easily agitated and puts me down. He works 20hrs a week and has no qualifications or ambition. I am the bread winner and my family is in a different country it's tough...I feel so ashamed that I'm going through this. He is 13 years older than me and his mother treats him like a child by giving him money and paying for things he wants. I recently had a baby and I'm off work now and doing alot of reflection on my situation. I haven't vented to anyone about this before

Hi Gianna I haven't logged in since writing this. Yes I am still with him and nothing has changed. I think its harder to leave because we have a baby together, but still I need to look forward. I don't really have any support I can talk to here and I'm afraid about telling my family because I don't want them to worry about me

WOW there is alot of negative and useless husbands not there.

My story is quite the opposite. As the husband i can do everything my wife can except have kids and certain dishes i cant make. I work and have recently been promoted. My wife instead got fired from a dead end job.

She had this dead end job and just stayed there for 7 years. At the moment the only good she does is maid work. She cant stimulate me mentaly, physically and has NO DRIVE. In my world this is a loser. No job, no brains, cant do the basics and sucks in bed!

I find it odd that as a guy i complain about things females complain about but this is just me. I worked hard to get where i am and I feel that a high standard should be set. Imagine my child sees this mother and wants to walk in her footsteps lmao

why lmao? isnt it such a serious issue.?

You married her, you sound like a fool berating her like that. She is the woman YOU chose to marry. Marriage is an important decision, you must not have put enough foresight into it... Bringing a child into the world is an irreversible decision, but one you made, with the woman you call brainless... Your child is more perceptive than you can imagine and will pick up on your negative feelings toward his/her mother. File for divorce before you raise a child who grows into an adult with major relationship issues thanks to you. A brainless person makes bad decisions, sounds to me like you are not so didferent from your wife.

I agree with you completely... and who is this whiny-*** man to say that she can "only" do maid work?? It is work - that's why it's called houseWORK and many people pay others to do this for them because it is unpleasant but necessary. He says his wife is a loser because she doesn't have a job - guess what?? A LOT of men support their wives so they can stay at home and do "maid work" as he calls it, and are appreciative of it. He can't support his wife financially and needs an income from her? He sounds like the loser. And yes he is whining just like a little girl. And she's bad in bed he says - perhaps she thinks the same of him?

Just be lucky he pays bills my husband works and tacked all our family tax credits and don't even care bout me or my kids he's just out to get wot he can I'm struggling like a dog and he's a bud addict who don't give a crap bout ney one but him self he spends every penny he earns on him self I can't work cuz Iv got server astmah and in and out of hospital I'm just fed up and feel really stressed.so just force him to work and just consider ur self lucky he still helps look after the kids I have to take my three kids everywhere I got my husbands nothing but a waster man I don't even eat cuz I'm scared their won't be enuff to go round

I'm pretty sure my wife hates me. I do work around the house, help with our daughter, and make enough money to pay my own bills, but need to make more. I left a job 3 years ago to get into a real estate job that hypothetically makes a good deal of money. I've been making enough to get by and always had a "big deal" right around the corner, but nothing ever came to fruition. I'm looking for a job now, I've had several interviews and should have a job soon. But my wife does not see any value in what I do to make the amount of money I make, and has a very good job. Even if I get a job I won't make as much as her, and I don't think she will ever be happy. I don't even like to be in the same room as her anymore. She just nags and asks what I'm doing all the time because she is a busybody and can't sit still for two seconds and expects the same out of me. She has sucked the enjoyment out of my life and I'm not sure there is an end in sight. I am very nice to her and always help out any way I can. Is there any possibility she will ever be happy with me or should I accept that this is my life from now on. I can't imagine once I get a better job that she will suddenly be nice to me again.

did u lose ur job because of ur indecent behavour towards her and ur colleages?

I can identify with your story a lot. I really comes down to being honest with your self and your partner. All facts has to be put on the table when talking about marriage. Honest dialog about what you expect from your spouse, and include the what if (scenario). Look out for dreams of grand proportions (they don't come true). Be realistic. Make sure both families are ok with the marriage, the second she gets upset or disappointed that is where she will go for "good" advise. If they didn't approve of the marriage, their influence could be disasterous. You will live in misery. Then she will be told "I told you so" and will hate you for it. I think we all agree that money is important to all of us, and for some it is all that is important. If you don't have a realistic means to satisfy need to live lavishly, and that is what she wants, not a good match. Don't marry her. My wife makes more than me, that makes me the looser in the family. Anything she does is automatically more important because she makes more. She loves to put it in my face constantly. (Like a Punishment) We have kids, I don't want them to experience a single parent home like I did. So I will stick around for a while. My wife tells me (not jokingly) that women are smarter and that's why women are employable and men these days don't work. (I had a talk with her, I explained to her that there are other forces at work in the economy, the real reason men are not busy at work has more to do with the fact that there are not as many traditional jobs that pay a livable wage for men. Industry and manufacturing jobs have now shipped over seas. No self respecting man will work a slave wage job like wal mart as a career job.) She thinks that is an excuse, no its a reason. I do bring in some$ just not as much as before. We are not attracted to each other anymore, we act nice to each other because we need to be civil to hold down the household.
Tann12, Why do you want her to be nice to you? her true colors have been exposed.

Your wife probably doesn't hate you. Women are hard to read sometimes. Have you ever sat down with her and told her that you appreciate her and the fact that she has a good job? Have you told her that you are not satisfied with your contributions and how much you'd like to land a job that would allow you to take care of her more? If you haven't, I think you should, ASAP! Women need to hear things like that. You may be amazed at how much better she feels after being told those things... Maybe not but its worth a shot, marriage is hard work but it pays off if you keep at it!

I left my husband because he dose not like good food.....I just celebrated my 6th anniversary and he lives 40 miles from me and I live with 4 guys who love food!

"He borrows money to pay his portion of the bills"

Why does he have a "portion of the bills?" You are married that means that all assets as well as debts are held jointly.

I feel really sorry for your husband. He quit a job to pursue entrepreneurship. That in itself is a great thing. What I wonder is if his lack of success is due to your sabotaging your husband because you are used to a low value, low risk lifestyle?

I was 34 when I decided that being an economist was a horrible JOB. I didnt want a job anymore, I wanted to build a successful and respected family and create a legacy. I quit my job, moved 1/2 way across the country, began law school, and was working for a white shoe firm 4 years later.

The entire time I was in law school my wife gripped about how much of a loser I was, she talked to all of her friends and coworkers. My wife had refused to get a second job to help out for the three years I was in law school, so I took on debt. The day I graduated, she did not throw me a party, or even get me a card, instead she just gripped about what a lousy husband I was.

By the time I was interviewing for jobs, I had not realized how much my wife's nagging had affected my self worth. A senior partner that I had an interview with was reading my application and asked me. . . so how did your family take you going back to law school. As embarrasing as it is, I almost cried and vomited the story of how my wife had treated me to him before I knew it. The partner had a very similar law school experience, and it was a long time after I got the job that I learned that he had personally hired me without my file even going to committee.

My wife was so proud of her white shoe husband. Now she was on the phone always bragging about this and that to her friends. She would fly home to see the girls and take them to Vegas, she loved showing pictures of our condo in a trendy Manhattan neighborhood, and most of all she enjoyed eating out and shopping and rubbing it in her "girls" faces.

I left my wife during my fourth year as an associate. I had just made it over the three year hump and was partner bound. I came home one night and overheard her telling one of her friends "well of course I didnt love him back when he was a loser going to school, but 200 K a year can buy a lot of love." I sat in the living room, of our fancy condo, and listened to her tell her friend how she should get her loser husband to go to law school, which if you remember my wife had complained the whole time I went.

When she got off the phone, she walked into the living room and I am pretty sure by the look on her face when she saw me sitting there that she knew what was going to happen. Without saying a word, I walked into my closet, grabbed a handful of suits (but no underwear, socks, or shoes for some reason) and walked out the door. The next day I filed for divorce.

Today I am happily remarried. Three years after my divorce, and a year after I became partner, I bought a country place in Connecticut. A few years later I married a girl who works at a feed and tack store by my country house. I assumed she was a sales clerk, and she assumed that I was a busy farmer. It was a few dates till I realized that she was the owner of that store, when she figured out I was not a farmer, she was relieved because apparently my knowledge as to farming was lacking.

Today my wife is back in the midwest and is married to a plumber. I have known the guy all of my life, and feel very sorry for him. I saw on facebook that she is taking her girls to Vegas next weekend. I am sure he will enjoy the break.

I truly was touched by your story and could relate to you in many ways. I have been in a relationship for more than 10 years with a man that shows me no respect. In the beginning of our relationship he was attentive but obviously he some issues with responsibility. As a woman I am, I wanted to build his strength and show him that he has the power to set his path in life. While I was attending the first years of my college degree he made foul statements of how easy college was. Although, he attempted and failed. He used to tell me that I was not doing anything for the family because I was not making any money. I ignored his comments and kept pursuing my passion, which I am currently still in the process. He would also do things to disrupt my progress. For instance, he would break my laptop computer and fight with me the day before big exams. It was a nightmare. However, things seemed to change for the better a couple years ago. Therefore, we got married. That I can say was the biggest mistake of my life. He began to believe that he needed to live up to my status. So we spend over 5,000 dollars to enroll him into school, I would like to mention that we are broke college students. His enthusiasm was gleaming in his eyes in the beginning of his academic career. I gave him the support a wife should. I also encouraged not to worry about our finances because what we are doing will pay in the end. He had a total breakdown. He could not handle the pressure of success. He failed out yet again. However, he is currently giving it second attempt at a junior college. His daily routine is to skip class, miss assignments, and play video games while drinking beer. He has even gone to extreme of abuse. Physical and mental. I have tried to influence and guide this man in the right direction but it has failed. Without him taking life serious, I am sure that this marriage is not meant for me. We have different pathways. What is even worse is that while I do try to save the little money we have he spends it on himself. My children is without basic essentials because of his selfishness. Are bills are piling up and we are in debt to almost everyone. And yet, he does nothing to improve the situation, not even go to school. I am completely fed up with his consent abuse and laziness. I go to school, clean the house, cook the dinner, wash the clothes, tend to the kids, and baby his grown ***. I tried of being the victim. It is time for me to take a stand for the strong woman I am. I also wanted to mentioned he has the a huge ego. He thinks he is a goddess and everyone should bow down to him. From my observation he is neurotic and unstable. He is also insecure and extremely jealous. I can't even talk to my classmates. The next steps that I take will be from this point will be the beginning of a normal and happy life.

sorry to hear u married such material greedy wife. guess if u ever brought a pair of white shoe from that firm, she would have treated u differently. what a loser u both are. a self centerd husband only deserves a meager salaried wife.

i know what you going through im going through the same situation see my husband is a ******* everytime we argue he always calls me out my name hes always downing me as a parent i work i pay all the bills rent as well and all he does is sit at the house and smoke

I am soon to get a divorce! I married a loser who promised to change, and I am ever so much wiser now. I know people don't change as I knew when I got married, but I listened to my heart and not my brain. Luckily, I am not like most women who complain of being "stuck." I am the breadwinner, I own the house, I own the car, I have the resources to get out. If I can support us all with his weight dragging me down, imaging what I can do without him! All of this is possible because I'm not trying to get a man to take care of me. That's the give and take. If you want to do nothing and be a kept woman, be prepared to stick it out when it gets ugly because you've left yourself with no recourse but to get child support and alimony so that you can continue to not work and support yourself. If these are your goals, you deserve the outcome!! This site is whack...All you women need to get a job. Period.

I am shocked at others on the group who have "shamed you" for wanting a divorce. I don't see what you would have to lose since you are paying the bills. You may need some government assistance to get started on your own, but that it what is there for...to help in times of trouble. Please also think about the example your husband is demonstrating for your children. Peace, love and hugs...

Let me add in the beginning he lied to me Bout everything, things I didnt find out until AFTER my daughter was born ive told himm countless times im here for him, ill support hin, well try therapy. He ignores me. I dont beleive in breaking up a home but its so hard. He dosent even provide financially. Hes so selfish, he thinks of noone but himself. Very hurtful

My fiance is the same. Weve been together for 6 yrs. Have a 2 yr old daughter and our son is due december 28th. He thinks I dont know about his drug use. Supposedly started a perm. Job 2 months ago but "hasent gotten a paycheck" he thinks "theyre screwing him". Then when he supposedly finally got the checks "they bounced". My rent is due to 2 weeks and we JUST moved in 2 months ago, we ran out of oil, have no wood for the fireplace, daughter didnt have milk, our stove still isent hooked up, and hes like well dont worry I quit my job bc **** them. Then I get a call that the cops have been looking for him at all my family members houses. So embarrassing. On top of that I just found out my unborn son has a brain condition or could possibly. Depending on severity. My mom came to get my daughter today and he didnt even leave the carseat. Called him 27 times in a row. 2hrs later I get a text saying oh I just looked at my phone . Hes out playing softball while im here to deal with this freezing house pregnant and alone. I want to leave so bad but I have nowhere to go and how can I work with 2 kids. And he somehow makes me feel bad about not having anywhere to go. I have family I could go too as long as I left him. He has no family left bc he ****** every1 so bad. Sorry didnt mean to vent im just terrified.

Please get away from this man and go on to live a happy life. Learn to value yourself and only associate with friends and future partners who value you, themselves and your children. Life will not get easier with him, only harder. You may need to rely on family and/or some government programs to get started...there is no shame in that. Protect your children, protect yourself...and learn to live without this guy. He also sets a poor example for the children. Love yourself...and focus on the kids, your happiness and stay away from this guy or any other man.

"how can I work with 2 kids." OH I KNOW RIGHT! Because no other woman has EVER done it. Your attitude may not be the only problem in your life, but it's definitely one of them. You are stuck because you choose to be. Why were you not working before?? Why have you chosen to do nothing while your husband isn't working. Leave him, but don't sit there and act like you are just completely helpless. "How can I work with 2 kids." OH PLEASE. Stand up for your kids and have some courage to 1. remove them from a bad situation 2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SITUATION instead of blaming others 3. stop making excuses that don't hold water. "how can i work." That's it...not even worth trying. I'll just sit here and poor me.

My husband is a huge disappointment. We married young and he was full of training and ideas but his work ethic has been a joke. He's been without work since 2008. He blames the economy but he's full of beans. He simply never looks for a job and looks for excuses not to respond to job offers. I found two jobs for him but he screwed up the first interview and missed the other. He plays stupid video games all day. Thank god my instincts told me to never get pregnant. I am meeting with a lawyer this week and want him out of the house. Girls look out for mooches like I have. Don't be fooled by looks or words. My mistake was we married in less than a year of dating. That's not long enough. And btw my next husband won't be as handsome. My current husband was handsome when we met but I've noticed handsome guys grow accustomed to getting everything so it makes them lazy. Be careful, one year after first meeting is not enough to see what a person is truly made of and looks are not all that matter to women.

I think my husband might b the biggest bum of them all. He pretends to go to work, lies about it n about paying bills(almost got us evicted), and he steals money from me because he's addicted to drugs. Oh n he used to be in and out of jail until recently. I wish I knew what I knew before we had a child together.

Move out but don't diivorce him, file for a legal separation and ask for child support. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Did you ever think that maybe YOU were contributing to your own stress? God hates divorce, as is so stated in the Bible. We are given no 'outs', other than for adultery, and then we are told if we do take that out, that if we marry again, we commit adultery. However, I'm sure you can find a secular humanist therapist, who will try to convince you that your husband is being 'abusive', and rather than work on him over the long-run (read l Cor. 13), that you find a way to justify YOUR bad behavior, rather than accept responsibility for your part in this....
So, sad.......so typical....

...did you even read the poor woman's post? You sound psychotic.

Yes, I read it.....Psychotic? No need for name calling. I see nothing in her post that would justify a divorce as a Christian.

I think if Mary were in an abusive relationship, Jesus would not tell her to suck it up because it's God's will.

I am a Christian and the church teachings similar to manomenner's post have held me in a miserable marriage for 22 years. I am getting a divorce soon and wish I got it 20 years ago. Knowing what I know about Jesus, I am sure now that He would have wanted me out, too. My husband never loved me as himself (as the Bible commands). Despite that, I tried for year to "respect" and "obey" him. Because of his laziness and lying, we ended up with $65,000 in debt eight years ago. That's when I realized that I (and my church "advisors") must have misinterpreted God's desire to "obey" my husband's stupid ideas. I took control of our finances and we are now debt-free. if your husband does not wish to change, it is not God's will for you to suffer in a miserable marriage. Get yourself freed and you'll be much better able to do God's work.

Debt, sickness, 'laziness', arguing, name calling and other reasons are no reason for divorce. If you break your covenant with God, you will not be doing 'his work', pure and simple. And if you divorce and re-marry, you will be living in sin and judged as an adulterer.

I also forgot to mention constant emotional and verbal abuse, in front of the kids and others. I am not the one breaking the covenant with God. He is the one who broke it: he promised to love and cherish me, like Christ loved the church, but he never did (his own words). By the way, for what it is worth, I got a "permission" to divorce him from my pastor, a church counselor, and another Christian councilor, who all spoke to both of us and know the situation well. I did stay married, for kids sake, for as long as I could. My kids are almost all adults now, so no reason to stay with the man who hurts me. And no, I will NEVER marry again or have sex again (I haven't had sex for over 8 years now), so I am in no danger of becoming an adulteress.

Mentalities such as these kept me in a marriage to an abuser when I saw signs. This lead to two children being abused. Let me
Mention he came from a very good family, brother being the district atty etc. you dear are one of those judge mental Christians who proffer no actual help, just too bad so sad and a callous outlook. Happy it found a Christian therapist who understands how people "in the church" perpetuate abuses.

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All these problems could be avoided if only more women had better self esteem and didn't marry bums in the first place. Unfortunately our society is still so wedding-obsessed that women only see the pretty white dress and flowers and seem to be more interested in that, than really putting thought into whether their man is someone worthy of spending their entire lives with.

But now what's done is done. So let me say this. Are you really going to use religion to justify staying with this man? You're still young enough to get into the dating pool and find a quality man.

But the longer you stay, the older you will get, and the older you get, the harder it will be for you to find someone really worth while. So as hard as it is right now, get out while you are YOUNG and have plenty of great dating years left in front of you. You don't want to be 40 years old and a divorcee and just getting back on the dating market, because that's a pretty bleak outlook at that age.

Not always the case. My fiance had a great job when we met and got engaged, paid his bills, etc. Then I found out he was lying to me the entire time about certain things. Its not always women who marry bums.

I married a loser...I'm only 22 years old my husband is 30 I followed my heart and married him with two children I thought that would be the only luggage I carried with him. I asked him about his past before we got married and it was very hurtful. Its turns out that after we got married he forgot to mention he slept with a lot more women who actually attend our church that I constantly see. its so hard to have honor and respect for him he's done so many f***** up things he's even talked and physically touched miner I hate my marriage I have such a low self esteem I kept myself clean for years thinking God will bless you with the good spiritual man. my husband was a coward for telling me after we got married. now I'm stuck in a marriage where have no respect honor for my husband he doesnt let me work go to school hang out with my friends because you so

so I'm a 22 year old housewife stressed out of my mind with two very disrespectful ungrateful step children. and every s*** bag from the east side left overs

I feel bad for your situation. But at 22 years old, you should be out having fun with your friends, travelling, getting to really know yourself, and not stressed out housewife. You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you to deal with that. You don't want to be 40 years old and regretting not having more when you were younger, all because of an ungrateful bum of a husband who is clearly immature.

You have SO MUCH TIME to find someone better, you're only 22. If you left the relationship now, and gave yourself more time to date other guys and grow, theres a good chance you could find your true love by the age of 30 and even be married.

Go to your minister and help find out why your have low self-esteem. Improve your self-esteem by getting rid of this guy. No one can love you until you fully love yourself. You are young...you have your whole life ahead of you...go to school and learn a trade so you can be self-sufficient. It is best to start any relationship by being best friends with a man before going into a romantic relationship. The friendship is what will keep things going when times get rough (the regular ups and downs of life). Best of luck.

Never become a housewife. Rule number one is to be able to take care of one's self. The kids aren't yours? Why are you still there? You're too lazy to get a job and take care of yourself?? You have nothing keeping you there.....

Dear lunainthesky, please get out of the miserable marriage as soon as possible, and before you add any more children to the equation. Take it from someone who is getting divorced right now, at age 50, and wish she got divorced 22 years ago.

At 22, how could you even know what a 'loser' is? There is an old expression "measure twice, cut once".....It seems as if so many American women have failed to execute good judgement. If you spent the proper amount of time dating, reading the signs and courting his family, this would not happen. Are honestly telling me that he 'out of nowhere' became a jerk, overnight? I think not. That's insanity. Yet, so many young people use that as an excuse. You made your choice, and a covenant with God. Doesn't that mean anything to you? You say that you have step children. So this is your second marriage? YOU made a mistake twice? I think that shows exactly where the problem lies.......Listen to Dr. Laura sometime.....it might help you.

They are his kids. Which I'm assuming he baited her to take care of, 8-9 years her senior. Guys do this all the time to young girls..nothing new here under the sun.

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My husband sounds just like yours but he cannot even wash his clothes. He always spends his time playing with remote control cars. When we got married I paid for the wedding, I paid for the house, the furniture and honeymoon. He loves to waste money and he is always trying to get me to buy him an expensive boat. We have never been on another holiday since the honeymoon 25 years old.

Sounds like my husband easily beat yours in that arena. He likes to think that he is an entrepreneur. He does have a full time job, earning less than a third as much as I do. He always talks about how much he could possibly earn! The issue is year after year after year, his dream has not once realized. I am paying all the bills, althought as I mentioned, he does have a job. Now I have this job opportunity that requires me to relocate. He told me before I interviewed that he wanted to quit to focus on his business, whatever that is. Because I have a kid who just started high school, I want him to finish the school year. My husband wants to quit, but he wants me to compensate him I told him that he is disgusting. But I am stuck! I wanted a divorce, but he fought me to the point that I could not afford wasting additiobal time and resource to get rid of him. He always wants a lot money from me. What a sick S.O.B. By the way, he mother is a *****.

I have been embarrassed, lied to, taken advantage of and cheated on, yet I would never say the things about my soon to be ex, that you have. You are right to wait until your child graduates high school, but that won't completely save him from the damage you are about to do. Think about it......

I read my last response and re-read your letter. Conclusion--this man is selfish and does not deserve to have a family. I am a religious person myself and the very last resort would be divorced and take the children away from their father. However, he is not being a father to the children. You are enabling him and will end up losing yourself in the process. Remember, God wants the best for you too. The only way can be an effective parent is to get rid of this (your husband) negativity.

find a lover and get rammed everynight,you only live once

It sounds like he is insecure about himself and failing business. Try some encouragement. You may be surprised and things may turn around for you both.

I would like with you.

meet you

he is depressed *******

The bible that christians currently use is flawed. If you research the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is the earliest bible known to man, then you will see that jesus never came back to life.. Its sad how gullible people are, you would follow a book blindly without ever questioning if what the book says has been altered by man. Foolish sheep.

Heh, silly anti-christian.

I guess everything that happened in the Old Testament is also 'flawed'? You better tell a few million Jews, like myself. I pray that God will reveal himself to you soon. You are living an illusion, yourself. And......I HAVE researched the Dead Sea Scrolls, studied Chaldee, Hebrew and Aramaic. Be glad to debate the Bible with you any time!

Sweet jeebus mercy.

It's a big story book. In fact, I'm surprised it isn't illustrated with cartoons.

That may improve on the story, however...

How an intelligent, sentient being can believe the farcity of religion is beyond me.

Especially when they use it to justify the abuse and oppression of another person.

Score one for independent thought. Beat back that groupthink.

Oh it's so nice to know I am not the only one in this situation. My husband only does the dishes not the laundry because the dishwasher is still sitting in the box for the third year in a row because hedoesnt know how to do anything!!! TV and video games are his babysitter of choice. Of course our pastor told him that his responsibility is to provide and he had the audacity to tel the pastor his teaching was weak! I agree with you wholeheartedly.

As I said to another person, You should take the loser for everything he has! Take it all! He sounds like a baby! Maybe leave him some diapers and plastic panties when you go to remind him of what a loser he is!

i am Patricia Wilson i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 12 years and have gotten five kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted DR ZAKI SPELLS for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the good luck shrine casted on him that made him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you good luck SPELL for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact drzakispelltemple@gmail com and you will see that your problem will be solved.

lol, thetruthisme doesn't comment on this though right?

Hahahaha what a crazy illiterate person you are, spells? lol hahaha im posting this on imafuckingretard.com

Send him packing !!! Life's too short

I completely understand. When I met my husband he was on active duty on med hold, since I've known him for 3 years he never works, he thinks his retirement check, his GI bill is enough to live off of. It would be if you continue to only pay your car insurance and car payment. He only eats, sleeps, and poops all day. I should have gotten a dog. At least a dog wouldn't run up all the bills.

By the way he has choked me a handful of times during an argument. I have never cheated on him. I have never laid a hand on him besides at moments of self defense, I am of normal weight and has had better income since I met him nearly a decade ago. When I left my job two years ago ( I was on unemployment benefits) and only since two months ago, I totally had no income. But regardless of this, I want to leave and move back in with my parents and continue on with my life - without him.

Do it! I am praying for you!

I am thinking about getting a divorce from my husband. He is physically abusive, has cheated on me and doesn't care if he fails classes in school. He is morbidely obese, has had back surgery and refuses to do anything about his weight. Even swimming or taking short walks. He has beaten me up to the point where I thought I was going to lose consciousness years ago (gave me multiple bruises that I had to hide) and he breaks things when he's mad. He throws objects, accelerates driving a car when mad, he doesn't care what damage he causes. He doesn't do anything around the house without being prompted to. He doesn't even shave or brush his teeth regularly. He doesn't cook, clean or do much around the house. He left the military and is receiving GI Bill and unemployment benefits but he lies about his grades and recently he received 2 F's and 1 D in college courses he took to complete his BA and blames me that he was unable to finish his schoolwork on time because I tied up the computer with my facebooking when we have two working computers in the house. I had a professional job, and took time off due to trying to pursue a different career path that requires studies past a Bachelors of Science. My grades are decent and almost stellar. I do almost everything around the house. I am tired and fed up with what I thought he was. He is a pathological liar (laughed when I demanded he allow me to view his grades in a university database) and has cheated on me with a woman he had live in our house for a week. Long story how I found out and met the woman he cheated on me with. I think I have lost respect for him due to his lack of care. He is 33 and doesn't mind being a loser. Thank heavens we don't have kids. I think I will file for divorce pretty soon.

You should take the loser for everything he has! Take it all! He sounds like a baby! Maybe leave him some diapers and plastic panties when you go to remind him of what a loser he is!

You should file for divorce based on what you have stated. Physical or mental abuse is not acceptable. Adding laziness and infidelity, there is no more to dicuss. If you are Christian that's a huge reason to leave and is completely a valid reason for doing so.

Get rid of that turkey!!
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

He sounds like a dosgustingly infantile person.

Don't think about leaving. Do it. Look for any help you can. Family, friends, government. Pray, of that's your thing.

Just get out. Let his sorry *** rot while you move on in your journey to happiness and fulfillment.

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I only read a few of the responses..if you are truly miserable and can't work it out and your partner won't change..leave. Dating is not easy. I was once married to a guy who turned out to be a sociopath, cheated within four months of marriage with a woman married with kids, and then got arrested for battery against a coworker (and fired from his job). I tried counseling and left years ago..damn glad I did. Life is not easy. Read the history of the bible and you will discover religious dogma is crap. You all sound like nice and hardworking women who deserve a great guy. My counselor says you can't find the right person if you are with the wrong one. You deserve to be happy!

I agree with most of what you say. I even agree that "religious dogma is crap" But I disagree with the implication that the Bible is "crap". I found out many times that it is our misinterpretation and misunderstanding of God's word that leads us to trouble. But every time I properly understood what God was saying, his Word helped me move forward. Every time.

you females are horrible to men, seriously. and if you 'hate' them so much, divorce them. im sure they will appreciate it as well, as it will light a fire under their ***** to get money again to attract a newer, thinner, younger mate.

Thinner. Awe that's Cute and revealing.

We're only horrible to the shitbag losers who call it upon themselves.

I am a Christian and I have a friend in a similar situation to you. For the sake of your children divorce your husband. He is immature, self absorbed, disinterested, uncaring and selfish. Is this the "role model" you want your kids to emulate?

Wow, I thought it was only me in this situation. I am a lpn nurse, I work 9 to 10 hours a night, on graveyard shift, but he is "disabled". I pay all the bills, groceries, gas, toilet paper, etc. and I think he loves this situation! There is nothing wrong with him to be "disabled", because he sits around at 44 years old playing football video games, gambling on games with his friends and smoking marijuana. He takes the car, when I come home from work and stays gone for hours. When I ask where does he go everyday, all day, he says, "talking and catching up with my friends". He is morbidly obese, so this is why he succeeded in getting disability, yet he continues to smoke weed, eat whatever he desires in large quantities, and verbally abusing me and my kids. This dude actually has the nerve to ask me for money, so he can gamble on football games! And he looks me confidently in my face, and says, "What! I help out with the bills! I pay $300 a month out of my disability check, so I contribute!" And I'm sitting there thinking, yeah, right. I have become this nagging hag, because I have absolutely no respect for this dude. I feel like a single mom, and he is my son, not my husband. He does absolutely nothing around the house, I cook, clean, laundry, market, and homeschool our kids. He won't even help me with the kids' homeschooling. I am always so tired, and I am considering getting a second job, because I am always broke. My poor children are suffering because of this situation, but our daughter loves her father, and begged me not to throw the bum out. And sex? What a joke! If we ever have sex, which we never do, maybe once every three months, it is so terrible. This guy is so lazy, he just lays there! I even have to work during sex! The endless toil! Every day I dream of having a man...a real man who will provide, protect and defend me! A man that truly loved me for me...who would ravish me like eating a sumptuous meal. Where....could I find such a man? The bum I married, I don't even want him!! I pray about this almost daily, because I am tired of paying and paying for EVERYTHING!

My husband works and is quite successful but I never see any benefit. He does nothing, I mean nothing other than sleep if and when he is home. I have a three and a half year old and his big contribution is dropping her off at daycare but that is after I get up and get her ready. I work a full time very stressful job with Zero help from him. We never, I mean never go out. My daughter is almost four and we have never been out without her, no date no nothing. My husband on the other hand goes out whenever he feels like it, mostly til 4:00 in the morning while I sit home. I am sick sick sick of it all and about to leAve him, god give me strength to move on. I don't need him for anything, he is a ****** husband and father. He has time to sleep and smoke when he is home and that's it. I think we may have had sex 2 times in the last year and according to him all I do is *****. F off is what I say you don't do sh.. For me and never has. Good luck, there is not a woman in the world who would put up with hi selfish behavior. Thank you for letting me vent, I think I am at my turing point and will be seeking divorce. Did I mention he will not leave the home and of course sleeps in the master suite with a king size bed and I in the extra bedroom with the bad mattress that cripples my back, what a man,

I feel very similiar to you. I hav been married for almost 16 yrs. had high hopes for this marriage. This is my second marriage and I have discovered that this husband is very similiar to the first. The exception to my present husband is that I can't even stand to look at him anymore without getting irritated. He has turned into a chain smoking man who can buy his cigarettes but not food. He never has any money and I am to the point that I would rather be on my own and to deal with this than an unhappy marriage. I am only staying at this point for my 13yr old son, but I'm sure he is aware of the situation. I also am a christian but I also believe that God wants us to be happy. I pray about it often. I know that I am a good mother but perhaps never a good wife. I grew up believing that the husband takes care of the family but have found that I've always had to work for everything I've wanted. Why I never choose a man who was capable of being a leader and role model is something i always question. ny husband is more like taking care of another child-and it has gotten really old. Like you the stress is unbearable at times.

Had to get this off my chest, I love my husband, were together for 5 years, married 3 years. In the 6th month of marriage, his company downsized & he was laid off. He's been unemployed for almost 2.5 years now. I feel bad for resenting him because I do care about him, but I'm so tired of being the one who pays the rent, the groceries, etc. I'm stuck having to pay for everything, I haven't even bought myself new clothes in a year! He had a job in the beginning of our marriage but quit because "it was too dangerous & stressful". Now he can't find a job! He doesn't have his GED/diploma at 34 years old & I pushed him (literally paid for his test) to take it, but he keeps failing the math portion. I feel bad but my attraction to him is decreasing & I don't even want to have sex anymore because of the stress & annoyance. It's not like he's not trying to find a job, it's just that he can work some "whatever" job & I feel like he's being picky. He says he wants to have children soon but how will that be possible if only one of us is working? So frustrated! I feel guilty for the resentment but I need "me" time but he's always home. When I come home from work, he's sitting on the couch watching tv while there's a pile of laundry sitting in the corner. Great.

Here's my story. I've been married for nearly six years and have been with the same man for nearly 10 years. He has held down a steady job for all of three years. I didn't leave him because I'm not that kind of woman who kicks a man when he's down. But, he has not been a real man. He has not been a provider. In the past I paid all of the bills. Even when we were living in different countries and he was struggling I paid his rent in FULL and sent him money. I thought he would realize how important it was for him to get back on his feet. But, he never did. He always has some "idea"/something new to work on, but he hasn't been financially supportive at all. <br />
<br />
I have always helped him, but he has never been in a position to help me. He's a faithful man and is very loving and supportive, but he can't seem to get his **** together. I've prayed about this for years, tried to encourage him, but nothing has changed.<br />
<br />
He stays on projects for too damned long, especially projects that don't make him money. We went on a cruise in a foreign country and the fool told me when we got to the foreign country that he only brought $1 with him. Can you believe that? So, I was stuck bankrolling the entire trip. I also paid for the cruise. <br />
<br />
Last night I told him that he's in danger of losing me. Actually, he's pretty damned close to losing me. I love him, but I'm starting not to be in love with him anymore. I don't respect him. I don't look at him as a real man. I don't want to have sex with him. I feel like he's a LOSER. Is sex all that he has to offer me? This situation is so messed up. I wish I could live the last 10 years of my life over. <br />
<br />
I've kept my feelings inside for years because I didn't want to talk to my friends about it. I know what they would say. I know I said for better or worse, but when is it going to get better?

i think to not get married after reading all this.... i have never seen a lady hapy with his husband, not eveni in my home.... if husband works more he is useless as doesn give time. if he doesn work he is useless doesn earn....this attitude of women reallly hurts us, ( now i know y gay men are most happy) no double standards of women HATE HATE HATE<br />
life is not a fairy tail that everything should be perfect, u make life perfect by giving support to each other and guide if other goes wrong..:((((((

I think you're onto something here . . . . .

Keep in mind also that not all women feel this way or are dealing with these kinds of situations. These women specifically searched this website out to get answers or moral support.

Thank you -some logic and sanity.


My wife doesn't work. I work two jobs, am earning a masters degree and we are expecting in a few months. She complains to me that we are broke and she can't afford to take care of herself. We live in a family members house. This thing works both ways ladies.

I agree with this. it is 2013 and women are not about working. Im not

I can completely understand your situation. Why are so many women so willing to sacrifice for pathetic men? I'll tell you why...because you are somehow tagged as a nagging b**** if you actually speak up. My husband has had employment issues since my son was born. He ridicules me for working hard. I am having anxiety issues and constant chest pain that is unexplained (I've been to several doctors). We have terrible debt. All the media reports on the tough economy just keep him going. Somehow, he feels that he doesn't even have to look for a job. I tell him that it is too much pressure...he doesn't seem to care. The house is a mess, even though he is home. I am the one that uses vacation time and week-ends to clean and to get hair cuts for the kids. This is fundamentally wrong. Divorce will cost a lot of heart-ache and money...but at this point, staying with him is torture and almost as expense. I would not wish this on anyone.

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. I listened to my heart and went with it all through my 9 years have been hell when we are together. We have passion and hate. I am from the other side of the tracks i think, he calls me condensending, and that i care to much about what i preceive to others. When really no one trusts my husband, and he hardly knows anyone. His father in my opinion is getting between us. His father raised him alone, and partied the whole time, as his mother was an alcoholic that ran off. His father was beaten as a child and isn't like my family i am used too. He cons people and is misleading. They are both discieful and i have a hard time giving them respect because they always find a way to convince themselves its not that bad or its really you. My husband is a user of drugs and has been on and off our 9 years together. I have always held on to hope, only because of my deep affection for him and that he makes money but doesn't put it in the right places. He holds on to jobs but then will lose them due to his loose morals and values. I want him to be respectable and to be a worthy provider to his children, we have 4 now and i am feeling stressed and overwhelmed in our relationship. Sometimes i feel i could just live without him, but the kids love him so much and i cover everything up for him. His credit is bad and we have been moving around to so many places its hard on the kids. Now we have to move again due to his drug use. We try and try to talk it out, but its always a excuse or i'm so mean with my words. If i pick up for myself its my imagenation. He wants to buy a house and tells the kids we are getting it but how? No one will lend him a morgage. He is so sly and shifty, and then says "I can't believe you see me that way." i say actions speak louder then words. He has been living with his dad and working but his dad has opinions on how he thinks his son can be, they sit around and speak stupid talk. We just got back on track with everything, and now its back down to nothing again. My kids think we are going to get a home, when instead of saving he is giving his money to his dad for his car. He is telling me that he is going to spend his whole check on getting a morgeage tomorrow when i seen him agree to buy a truck and we need food for the kids and pay bills. My dad was happy once when i said i wouldn't take him back until he has provided his own home. Only because i think my dad knew my husband is no good at that, and he is always out partying all night with prostiuted using, and then he says if you bring me down about it, it won't help. I have four kids and i am in good standing with getting a university education but its becoming hard to see how with my four kids and no help around. He has moved me so far away and created such a gap between me and my family. Which i see they are kind and caring and hard working and strong, and they only want the kids to live happy. When my husband is not making us happy. He made over 90 000 in the past year and we have nothing. My love is being used up by all this and since he leaves me in the hospital to go use after i had his son was born near christmas i can almost hate him so. He has never given me one loving happy memorie. I wonder what is going on with there heads, him and his father are so twisted i just hate them, and want to keep it shut. I want to run from him and feel free of his torchourous lifestyle. And if he cheats or leaves me i'm sure it will hurt but i need to find money to help us get on our feet. Why did i take him back, the kids would have been better off, but i feel i am good natured and i wanted him to have it all too.

Prostitutes? Can't nobody be in love with a man who feels the need to pay for something that a loving partner is willing to give freely.

You'll fall in love again. Hopefully this time with someone worthy of it. Turn those emotions and fear off. Just get out.

That was a few years ago. I just happened to be online paying attention to my email and found your post. Thanks.
I was really trying to leave. I ended up getting badly beaten. I left march 2013. I love looking back now at what he was like. He got me pregnant one last time and I have my perfect family. I'm staying positive and strong trying to go to art school in fall and have some adventures for once putting myself first.
Working towards being g the best I can be. And wow some neg poeple can really bring you down and put you out.
I been fighting for a year now to just get driving again and move to my own home and get my career on track.
I'm free of my ex and I have full parental rights and its hard being alone but i.m free. And I can pit me first with no one taking up my mind or patience.

I hope things get better for you. Going through the same thing. I hate being in-love. My heart is so weak! and I hate it.

put your man in panties, bra's and slip. dress him as a maid, take photos of him and blackmail him into house cleaning for you. Tell him you will sho the photos if he doesn't do as he is told.<br />
Believe me it will work.

I have been married for 4 years and I loathe almost every day of it. My husband and I fight non<x>stop around the clock when he is home and when he is not home he calls or texts all day so we can continue to fight-it's a joke. Most of the time I dream of what my life used to be life before I got married-I had a job and money and an apartment and now we are going to lose our home in 22 days and I have no job and can't get one because I didn't finish college and can do nothing but gave up the only great thing that provided stable money to stay home with our 1 child. I don't even think I can afford divorce I feel so trapped I hate this-sometimes I dream of leaving in the middle of the night with my baby.

calling your husband a loser is only wrong when the guy isnt actually a loser ;) you are probably one hence is why you said that...that or a brainwashed heffer with no real experience in a relationship just in playing the role of the other woman teehhe

Cheezus Crust women! after reading all of these posts I am truly disgusted. You use us for everything, a lot of the time we get no reward (emotionally) and if we err in the slightest we as men are losers. I find a lot of recurring themes here. 1.A lot of husbands were doing great enough to attract YOU as a mate in the first place.2. These men , albeit different in all ways, seem to be disheartened with their home life, falling into the proverbial "rut".3. Can and do you take charge as women in this situation, or do you also fall into this rut and cant dig your way out blaming the "other" for everything? guess what you are also to blame. To me, the women complaining, are doing nothing but making this rut only deeper. We are men. We have worth. As do you. From my point of view, you can work together to find a solution. My heart goes out to all that have been affected by this, male and female. Society dropped the ball on this one lol. It started from women's equal rights which are great, however a lot of the mind set behind them includes not just being equal, but being better. As the women start packing their own lunch boxes and going to work, there seems to be a little bit of a role reversal here. Certainly not something you should smash your husband over the head with. As men we are different in a lot of ways (duh) than you. having faith in your partner to pull their socks up is not enough. We, as you, need to feel valued and have worth. take that away and all you have left is what you are complaining about. An empty husk of a man. Just getting through day to day waiting to die. Or in some cases pacing the house spewing obscenities and angry comments, trying vainly to rebuild the feeling and spirit he had as a functioning male provider. You might not understand that last one, but trust me its accurate ladies.Well, now you have a broken machine that's just costing money and not doing what it is supposed to while creating hardship and grief. You can either throw it out, and waste your emotional currency, and time, or restore it to its original condition. The latter takes a bit more effort but it may be worth it. Try and remember some things. Close your eyes if you must, sometimes it helps. Try and remember the first time you saw your husband. Try and remember when you first noticed that he noticed you. Almost a magnetic attraction. Don't let the feelings of regret, bitterness, or anger seep their way into this moment no matter how justified, it is poison. Leave the dark feelings aside, as you will need this very tool to rebuild your man if you so choose. Now sit that Recluse,Angerhollic,booze bottling, good for nothing,drug addict, waste of skin,(Whatever applies in your situation) down for a little chat. Just you and him. Remember that feeling of you and him? Hang on your going to need it. The most important thing here ladies, is walking the high road. Yes your angry, yes your hurt, yes you have no patience left in yourself to do this. But you are Women and you are strong. No threats either ladies. He needs to see that you are calm, you know whats going on, and you clearly know which direction you are going. Because depending on how long this has gone on, he sure as heck wont.<br />
DONT GET SIDETRACKED NO MATTER WHAT HE WILL TRY WITH BLAME AND ANGER. Tell him that your sorry for letting this situation get way out of hand(don't worry, for your half of the problem, and yes there is) and that its time to find a permanent fix. You both cant go on like this without purpose and just hurting each other. Tell him what it was about him that attracted you to him in the first place and how long its been(for you) since he was so. Ask what happened in his own mind, what started the decline? Allow time for venting whilst maintaining your alpha female demeanor. Calm, Cool , Collected no matter what, accusations, crap like that. He needs to see without you being angry in your heart, that you are calm and decisive.Never compromise this newly developed persona with anger or crying or any male perceived weakness as it acts as a beacon for him to know for sure that you know what your doing and you have a plan. Depending how long this has gone on, he may be reduced to a pile of whining crying, or possibly angry, pile of emotion. Remain CCC's. No ultimatums either.Tell him without being dominant, that either, depending on situation, that you think its time you left or he did, because you can see its not healthy for him or you in fact its made you both so far from where you started that its like you dont feel like the same person, and that he must feel not at all like his old self either(to have general regret and show it in a non dominant way is fine). Tell him he had honor. Tell him you thought he was brave.Tell him he made you laugh. Tell him you were PROUD OF HIM. Make sure its the truth, whatever virtue he possessed, and yes ladies he had one to start with, we all do. Do not judge his reactions as they will be slightly deceptive to gauge whether you really know whats "going on" or not. Do you still want him? Tell him so. Ask him if he still does (no matter what he says if hes still there he does on some level, despite what you may think.). Does he miss how you were? What was it for him that attracted him to you? How long has it been since you were like "said answer"? Now, while your in this little zone ask the atom bomb question; "Why did you stop working?" let him answer without you arguing the point even if you feel its BS. Whatever the reason now, if hes really a man now you have something to hold him too. Now some info for you ladies. every community world wide for the most part, has a community center (here in Canada its called career resource center) where there will be local job postings available for everyone, they will assist in skills like resume writing, retraining, all kinds of things pertinent to accessing jobs. best part is that the majority of programs are free as they are government funded. They also run re training programs that last a few months just like school, that you get paid for, and in the end you are groomed for the competitive job market. Plus a nice bonus is, that this whole time of him just being an empty shell this also aids in re-socializing him with other individuals learning to try again, trust me he needs it.Don't just push him through the door either. Help him make appointments, help decide on a course/job.Be a motivator(you would be great at this!). There will be normal ups and downs. Make him feel like he is restoring his old (truthfully)self bit by bit.Do not humiliate him.You may notice that in a little time he is trying to make you PROUD of him again. Imagine that. How long has it been? years? Don't forget a little "reward" is nice for good behavior sometimes. Just keep him moving. Mow lawn, clean house, do dishes. Always reciprocate by doing those things yourself fairly once in a while to show him you are equal. If there is a man enough left from being a "husk" then he will do all of these things and more. Hopefully in time he will regain his "working legs" and move on to better jobs with more hours. Be there for him. Love him. Don't just sit there and watch him rot and get worse until you get to the point where the thought of him causes to much sorrow. if you do, you have only yourself to blame. The respect he will show you in time will be enough to make you weep with happiness. This wont work with a man who is out, all the time partying, or out of the home dissapearing for days, being a jackass in general. If he has withdrawn within the home or around the home and spends a lot of time there(even on the computer), Then on some deep level he still loves you. You need to remember that in an everything's automatic society, that there is no auto pilot for a marriage or committed relationship. If its gets a little broken you must recognize it, put the time and energy into it to fix it. Or it just builds up and gets harder and more broken. Each persons breaking point is different some can even make it like that for 30 years or more. Don't be one of those. And if you are, fix it or forget it. For everybody's sake. I'm not trying to act like some love guru or some crap like that.Its just that in this weird society I think that we as a whole, a lot of us have forgotten how to be there for each other, especially our partners. I'm just some guy who some woman thought, was worth it.<-----------Lucky me!

Marriage does not equal babysitting.

No one signs up for that willingly.

From your comments I feel for all of you I know how hard it is after you invest so many years and emotions into a marriage to find out you are sleeping with an enemy..I am married 30 years, my husband always intentionally worked part time jobs to protect himself me using his money, I made much more money so I paid all the bills..he always had money to spend his alcohol or model toys, but never helped me when I need help..because he just did not make enough money. Now I lost my job, he quit his to come back with me overseas to live my mother, because his family denied him thinking he is very difficult to deal with..He used my money in the bank saying he is buying food but later I found he is drinking a litter of bear everyday..I have credit card debt, he says it is your fault..I had to use my credit cards since I paid all the bills, also he had a heart attack due to drugs and alcohol and of course told me to pay the3,000 USD ..to the hospital because he does not make enough money..when i do not have enough what choice did i have.,..now he is blaming for this too..His anger never fails, always roaring like wild bull in the house. I will leave him, finally I want to be on my own, maybe it is too late to be my old self again..that happy energetic woman....I just want to tell other people in my situation..do not wait..it does not get any better..because this kind of losers like the things they are doing..they have no conscious, they will never change..so dont be in my situation...30 years a long time to waste..

Cavader, your situation is much MUCH different than from at least mine and some of the other people that have posted. After reading your comment, she wants you to get better. You have medical reasons that are keeping you from your every day life. Please try to think on the positive! You WILL get better with time. Your wife is there for you and to leave her in the way of which you speak, will only bring more heartache for her. Is that what you really want? Do you truly feel that would make her life better??? No I'm sure not. Give your wife the best gift you can give her and that is, work on getting well. That's all she wants by the sound of things. Be STRONG and don't give up!<br />
My husband is not ill, this is clearly a choice he has made.

I guess I have no right to post things here seeing as how I am a husband, (a worthless husband) But I feel so bad for everyone here. I lost my job about a year ago due to mental illness and my wife doesn't want me to work till I can clear my head out. I'm on meds and have to see a therapist and It still doesn't work. I just have anxiety attacks and hurt my self all the time. I think I'm a loser and I know everyone hates me. I try to sell my things to make up the differance but it just makes her mad. I agree with all the comments I read so far and nobody should have to put up with that crap. My wife won't leave me so I feel I have no choice but to kill myself. I have nobody to talk to so I thought I would just give some support here and tell everyone to just get rid of your man if he isnt a MAN. I know Im doing the right thing by doing away with myself so she doesnt have to throw her life away for me. And I'm going to make sure my own body is never found so she wont have to pay for funeral costs. I just wish more men thought like me. I know its not fair to raise a full grown man. I love her so much but this is the only thing I can at this point. I wish we never met so that she would have a better life with someone els. I'm starting to cry as I write this and thats one reason I know I'm no man. I just want to leave a shred of hope that some losers can realize what they are doing and fix it. I'm sory to ruin space on this blog and now I must go. I'm sory Bree! Please don't forgive me...

Cavader, I hope you're still alive. No one wants you to kill yourself. It's tough, but suicide is NOT the answer. People, including Bree, would be devastated if you did that. Write back to let me know that you're still here with us.

I hope you are okay and still alive! Hang in there!
I'm sorry you are going through this. You may need different meds and a different therapist if it is not working.

your story has really touched me. It makes me remeber what a real man is, YOU are a real man. your willing to sacrafice your own happiness for another. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone thought like that? And a real man isnt afraid to show their emotions, crying doesnt make you any less of anything.in my experiences, the "men" who never expressed there emotions where always the first to hit me. Im very sorry your having a hard time, but i hope that you are okay. if you ever need to talk, just message me back. We can be email buddies, and help eachother though our depressions. i really hope your okay, taking your life is never the answer. please respond.

I can relate to this thread. Long story but , my husband had a full time job when we dated , lived together and then we married 9 yrs ago. He started his own business after we got married. I continued to work full time and help him as well. We also had two pre-teen kids from my first marriage. The business failed. That ultimately lead him to bankruptcy. Then he was out of work completely. I was working 2 jobs by this time trying to make ends meet. I ended up becoming ill, had surgery, was off for 6 weeks but had lost my jobs due to this. I ended up working in a construction job, yes manual labor 6 days a week to try and support my family. I often had 10-11 hr days. I ended up getting a very good job in 2007, which I still have. Fast forward to present, he now is working part time hours but has the choice to work full time if he wants to (he sets his own hours). He barely works 22-24 hrs per week. We're also living in a Sexless Marriage and I'm starting to think about divorcing him. He's a wonderful friend but that's as far as it really goes. I've brought this up to him and he knows how I feel but nothing changes. He only says, I can't live without you, I can't go through that. Advice is more than welcome. Thanks everyone

I just wanted to add that, I thought marriage was a partnership. All I have wanted is for him to meet me in the middle (which I've told him that). I don't want to or need to be "taken care of" but I also didn't sign up to be the primary bread winner either, just work full time is all I ask. I"m 46 yrs old and maybe it's time to make that decision.

Sorry about the double post. Couldn't figure out where the first one went. I'm new to this. I'm glad I just have a place to vent. I've never posted on any blog before.

OMG. I can so relate. I also have a loser husband. He has worked all of 4 months (if even that) in our 12 year marriage. We have two special needs kids who would be devastated if we were to divorce. I made a good living until about a year ago. Today I make around 1/3rd of what I made at the beginning of the year. He has told me he doesn't want to work and threatens divorce every time he's not happy about something I say. He finally got a job about 2 months ago but then quit because he didn't like it. His parents have been no help. They think its perfectly fine for him not to be working and contributing to our household. In fact, they live in another country, but come to visit every single year and the three of them go on vacation on my dime. I can never go because I'm working. I hate him so much. He is such a loser.

OMG! I can totally relate to this. My husband must be the biggest loser out there! I truly wish I had never laid eyes on him. He has worked maybe 4 months in our 12 year marriage. People (my family and friends) don't know how I can put up with him. But I have two special needs children (it runs in his family) who would be devastated if we were to divorce. I made a pretty good living up until now but my salary is down to 1/4th of what it was 12 months ago. Finally, he got a job two months ago and last week he told me he quit because the job wasn't making him happy! What!? He says he doesn't really want to work. And I do? His parents have not been supportive at all. I've spoken to them about it and they are like, so what? He takes care of the children doesn't he? And he is always on the phone with them. He calls them (they live in another country) everyday or they call him and its just idle chit chat. They come to visit on a yearly basis usually with one of his sibling's children for a vacation (all his famiy live overseas) and they go on vacation without me on my dime! This happens every year. Today I ask him what he is going to do because we might be homeless in less than 5 months, he yelled at me for bothering him about it. I HATE HIM SO MUCH IT HURTS!

I agree that there is a double standard - however - in most cases (and every case I know of personally) in which the woman doesn't work outside the house, she does inside the house - taking care of the kids, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. When my husband has been unemployed (it has happened numerous times) he does nothing for the family when he is home. Nothing is cleaned up, food is not made, laundry is not done. Kids are in school so he is not caring for them all day - in fact I am the one that volunteers in their schools - he has never. I think this is what the women here are complaining about.

The problem with most of these men is that while they're unemployed, they're being very lazy and not helping with things nearly as much as they should.<br />
<br />
However, in general, most of the women here are speaking about a huge double standard in society which is:<br />
- Men need to be the primary earner<br />
- It's okay when the woman doesn't work.<br />
<br />
And when this is turned around where the woman is the primary earner, women hate it, because "that's not the way it's supposed to be". I went through this situation a while ago when I started a company and my girlfriend hated that we couldn't go out as much or do as much stuff and demanded I shut it down. We ended up breaking up because of the stress. Which was really ******* stupid to me because we did not even live together...<br />
<br />
However, 3 years after starting it, it really started taking off, and now I'm earning MUCH more than I could've with a job and able to take regular travels around the world. I am doing it with a woman who supported me during my broke startup phase and I'm rewarding her with trips to Asia, Australia, South America etc.<br />
<br />
So basically, if your man's a deadbeat and not working, kick his *** to the curb. If he however is being extremely helpful with kids/house/chores and doing all he can to get back on his feet, then you're being sexist.

but at least you were trying to make your business work. my husband sleeps 14 hours a day while i bust my ***. It does not bother me that i dont get to go out and do stuff. what bothers me is that my husband is extremely lazy and does not make an effort to help me keep things rolling.

I also wish my husband would find another woman. One who can help him pay child support since he hasn't been able to pay the billsin three years. (Yes I said THREE YEARS!) My husband had a great job when we met and married. I agreed to have children if I could stay home with them because I didn't think I could work full time and take care of them, too. My husband lost his job shortly after I had my second child and I had to go back to work full time. It has been three years of me working full time and taking care of the kids, house, paying the bills, ect...My husband <br />
took a job that enabled hime to work from homeand is paid in commissions. He earns between $200.00-$1,000.00 p/ month. He is in his office all day and does not help out with the house.He has no medical benefits, expenses, etc. so by the time he pays for his office supplies, phone, gas, and car he is breaking even. I am working full time and can't pay the bills alone. I have <br />
time off in the summer and consider myself a single mom. When I have asked for my husband to take a day off to be with the kids he tells me he needs to work. The kids and I take day trips, stay overnight with friends, and spend everyday without him. What is the point of being married? He takes no interest in my life and never asks me any questions. In face he never speaks to me at all. I have to remind him to ask the kids questions about their day. My kids and I do everything together and they never ask for their dad. The therapists say he has situational depression, but knowing what he has does not pay the bills. He keeps asking me to borrow from my elderly retired parents and I have in emergency situations. (No money for electricity or food) I sent my husband to a a therapist alone and we tried going together and he does not want to face reality. He keeps looking for jobs with a salary like his old salary and won't take a low salary to just help pay the bills. We are behind on all the bills and in danger of losing the house. I would love for him to meet another woman and leave me. I have tried to throw him out, but he can't afford to leave and needs to be in the house office. I am tired of pretending in front of the children and am mentally exhausted from acting like everything is fine with the kids and neighbors when I just want to be free of this man. I hate being around him have no respect for him. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!<br />
I actually feel better after writing this down! Can't imagine how much better I will feel once he can afford to leave!

I also wish my husband would find another woman. One who can help him pay child support since he hasn't been able to pay the billsin three years. (Yes I said THREE YEARS!) My husband had a great job when we met and married. I agreed to have children if I could stay home with them because I didn't think I could work full time and take care of them, too. My husband lost his job shortly after I had my second child and I had to go back to work full time. It has been three years of me working full time and taking care of the kids, house, paying the bills, ect...My husband <br />
took a job that enabled hime to work from homeand is paid in commissions. He earns between $200.00-$1,000.00 p/ month. He is in his office all day and does not help out with the house.He has no medical benefits, expenses, etc. so by the time he pays for his office supplies, phone, gas, and car he is breaking even. I am working full time and can't pay the bills alone. I have <br />
time off in the summer and consider myself a single mom. When I have asked for my husband to take a day off to be with the kids he tells me he needs to work. The kids and I take day trips, stay overnight with friends, and spend everyday without him. What is the point of being married? He takes no interest in my life and never asks me any questions. In face he never speaks to me at all. I have to remind him to ask the kids questions about their day. My kids and I do everything together and they never ask for their dad. The therapists say he has situational depression, but knowing what he has does not pay the bills. He keeps asking me to borrow from my elderly retired parents and I have in emergency situations. (No money for electricity or food) I sent my husband to a a therapist alone and we tried going together and he does not want to face reality. He keeps looking for jobs with a salary like his old salary and won't take a low salary to just help pay the bills. We are behind on all the bills and in danger of losing the house. I would love for him to meet another woman and leave me. I have tried to throw him out, but he can't afford to leave and needs to be in the house office. I am tired of pretending in front of the children and am mentally exhausted from acting like everything is fine with the kids and neighbors when I just want to be free of this man. I hate being around him have no respect for him. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!<br />
I actually feel better after writing this down! Can't imagine how much better I will feel once he can afford to leave!

I can relate. my husband was laid off in may of 2009. I don't "hate"him, but right now he is not my favorite person. If he knew i was posting this he would be really angry with me, but I must get it off my chest. He has made sure I have had the money for gas to go to nursing school, along with my mom's help. we have 3 children also. His unemployment just got cut off in april and it has really been tough. then he takes a job making commission where he is actually lost more money than he has earned. he cheated on me multiple times during his unemployment. he too sits at the computer and plays all the time that he is home, or with a buddy down the street. he is not serious about anything. just a windbag. every time i make a comment he says i am bitching. i had to pawn the title to my car a few months back and now he doesn't even have the payment. if i lose my car i will be very unhappy. And forget the $250 for the power bill. guess we will heat and starve to death. sometimes i wish he would just disappear. so i know how you feel. you feel the feelings you feel, they belong to you. don't regret it or be ashamed of it.

my husband quit his job today and my income is only 300.pr week we will lose everything in a months time why oh why did i marry this man i have wasted 25yrs of my life with him

Marriage is always a gamble,u win or lose.most important u must learnt to pick up from where u have fallen.

i have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and married for one. I feel that i am so on my own because i am always the one to give emmotional support, he has no ambition and drive, i have tried to build up his self esteem since he has been unemployed for nearly two years now. What would you guys do in my position?

Are you ok?

I have reached a point in my life that I never thought I would. For about the past seven years my husband has been having employment issues. I have always made more money than my husband and I am not bitter about that. In fact I am thankful that I have a wonderful job and I have kept it for 20 years now. I make decent money for a female in the area where we live. My husband has always hated to work and has always been on the lazy side of things. He is the kind of person who would spend two hours trying to get out of that would have only taken 10 minutes to do anyway. He can't keep a job because he always claims to not feel well and calls in sick to work repeatedly. He is always the first to be laid off when there has been a downsizing, because of his absenteeism and laziness combined. As a result of his work habits, we have had to file bankruptcy and we were also foreclosed on. He has lied to me repeatedly about looking for a job and will even leave the house when he knows I am coming home for lunch so he can pretend that he is looking for a job. He claims that he is trying hard to change our financial situation. He has made it to where I am getting behind on bills because he hasn't had an income in about a year. I have had to sell just about everything I inherited when my mother passed away just to keep the bills paid and this does not seem to bother him. He has not missed a meal or lost one night's sleep like I have due to worrying about how I can fix this mess. I want a divorce, but when I try to discuss that with him--he threatens to kill himself. I don't really have any family to speak of to give me advice. We also have three kids that range in age from 5 to 16 who are suffering emotionally from all the stress in our household. I truly have no idea what to do to get me and my children in a better situation. I really don't have any savings to fall back on either.

For the dear sake of your beloved children,gather all your strength and courage and throw him out of the house together with all his belongings.start saving little by little and move on without him...

I completely understand how you feel. Me too... My husband has not worked in 3 years. He has cheated multiple times. He expects for me to take care of his kids from a previous marriage. By the way he cheated with his exwife twice. He gets made and angry saying I should pay his traffic tickets and get his license back. He gave his car to his mom and is demanding that I but him a new car. I make $230k a year on paper. He says he should at least have $30k of that. Mind you I take care of EVERYTHING financially including clothing him and his kids. This is not what I signed up for. I'm tried and have had enough. I didn't want to give up easy which is the only reason I have hing in here. However I can't take anymore and to boot he has put his hands on me.

Oh my gosh honey im in like the same situation only i dont make as much money as u do. I only make 36000.00 a year but im the only one working taking care of our kids and he has not worked in over 6 years and when he does do odd jobs he keeps all the money and he says he should get a portion of my weekly paycheck for staying at home with the kids although he will not.clean or do anything with the kids. He lets his parents talk bad about me. I dont know what to do anymore i feel so overwhelmed and if i say anything to him he says i am bitching. Im so unhappy i think we should join up . Just kidding but i just wanna say how i.can relate with u so much. :(

I am going thru the same thing....it's soo hard.<br />
there is a posting from "overcoming" we are nobody to judge others, once you wear these shoes then you can talk mean about somebody.<br />
I made a decision to leave my husband after I walked into a house of cold, 7 inches of snow outside, about 10 degrees, my mom and my puppy were shivering. He stopped paying the electricity.<br />
I wish you the best, God is your side, always when it is for your good and kids.<br />

Dear overcoming grow up. You may find that someone calls you that someday with an attitude like that.

calling your husband a loser is so WRONG!!! I hope your husband leave you for another woman...girl like you deserves it

you think we're that lucky that a LOSER would find another victim to put up with his crap?