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I Married A Loser!

My husband was wonderful until he quit his job in 2004 trying to become an entreprenuer.  Since then its been up and down.  Lately its been down and I wish I never married him.  He walked out on his last job in January, stays at home for 22 hours a day, never tries to find any friends, does not cook, does not clean the kitchen, just washes the clothes (does not fold them).  He borrows money to pay his portion of the bills and holds a grudge like a wuss by not speaking to me b/c I don't want to visit his mother after we've spent FOUR MONTHS staying with them from SEPTEMBER THROUGH DECEMBER.  I truly loathe his presence.  His idea of taking care of the kids is placing them in front of the tv while he's in the backroom on his computer.  I wish I NEVER MARRIED him.  I spend so much of my day wishing, "man if I would have just broke up with him when.... or if I would have divorced him before...."  I know its not christian like to divorce but I don't feel like God put us on this earth to be with someone who causes so much stress. 

ihatetlb ihatetlb 31-35, F 89 Responses Mar 9, 2010

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I wonder if you are still with him? I read the 5 love languages and it gave me a chance to put my marriage to the test. We are all different but it's worth a try.

BTW my husband works but doesn't make enough to pay his half of the bills, hid kids see him as lazy because after work all he does is watch TV and eat and sleep. I feel like I married a teenager, at the time we were 20 now we're 40! It's always been a struggle. I resent him and don't trust him for many reasons.

I don't believe in divorce but I do believe in being happy. It's a choice. Many women are married living single. But I'm convinced that it is my duty as his friend and wife to encourage him to be his best him. another book the power of a praying wife.

If you are a Christian there are lot of scriptures that will offer you hope and support to get through. God will give you peace if you let him.

I understand completely, funny enough I'm actually a husband who's been serving(restaurant) as a method to take care of my family of four. Remember that as long as he is working he cares about you but if he ever decides work isn't worth the bills he's saying he doesn't care if your taken care of. I'd do anything to care of my own.

The good news is that 'God' does not exist. Enjoy your divorce.


Im going through the same dam thing except my husband phyically abuses me after I caught him flirting with some other ***** we argued n then he hits me says Nothing was going on .i hate him so much that I wished he was Dead .sincerely nancy schulz in houston tx

so...the logical idea is to LEAVE....its not that difficult. Open the door and walk out or are you not telling us the full story?

Sounds so familiar I wish my husband was dead too it's just a shame for our 2 sons they're the ones who really suffer from dad hitting, spitting and being verbally abusive. Sometimes I would rather be hit than hear the cruel words from his mouth because bruises heal his words have scarred me for life. I was abused as a child and when we argue he calls me grandads special little girl. I hate him

My S.O. and I are not dating. We are not in a relationship and since we are not in an official relationship there is absolutely no possibility of us having actual problems. Yet, while not in a relationship, he still ***** up with my mind constantly. He somehow manages to find all the things i would hate him to do and he does them intentionally in order to see my reaction. Since I have quite a brain capacity, I realized that it makes him happy to see me react, which leads to me having no reaction whatsoever. He can be the most infuriating person ever, especially when I turn all sentimental and mushy on him. He is allowed to say all that sentimental crap, but when I say it, he does not like it and acts like a little b****. Yet, he blames me for not having a reaction, but when I do, it's the end of the world. My S.O. has an idealistic version of me in mind, and is probably scared that I will not meet that idealistic version, so scared that he doesn't even look.

My S.O. is not easily impressed. He says he is lazy and antisocial, yet, he is the exact opposite of that. He tries to justify mistakes even before he does it, which makes me want to send him to a world of pain. He makes of point of reminding me constantly that there is nothing between us, which gives him peace of mind for exactly half a day, until he comes back. He does not give any **** about my trust issues, which are quite obvious from my behavior. If I told him I was dead afraid of flying he would book a non-refundable parachute ride for me, in order to see if I faint before or after jumping (or more accurately, after he pushes me off the plane while laughing maniacally). My S.O. does not see that what I usually say is what I really mean, and that for every time that he left I can leave to, but I choose not to. That's all the any relationship or non-relationship sums up to – choice.

My S.O. hates me with a vengeance sometimes. He thinks I expect things of him, which is not true. He leaves constantly , sometimes just for fun, sometimes for good reasons. Yet, he never asks me if I want him to leave. (mainly because he might change his mind, i suspect.). He might be scared that I have nothing to lose. He might also not care at all. I mainly protect him from myself and the devastation I could cause. My S.O. is the exact opposite of everything I have ever known before.

Ask him to leave. He is not your friend. Find a therapist to deal with your issues. Change your locks. Change your number. You deserve better. He is a sadist and you, believe it or not, are the masochist. Get him out of your life. As long as he's around, no one else has a chance to get to know the real you.

I went running one day on the trail that often run just to relax, what ran pass me was a handsome man. Nice teeth I caught a glimpse of his cologne and I thought to myself if that man come back this way that's my husband. I proved the be careful what you ask for/pray for method because baby..this man is a loser I married him after 9 months of dating its 7 years later but we have been separated..Ask me why..Ok he is MOMMAS' MONKEY (BOY).

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It's truly sad to hear all of these stories about bad husbands. I used to think I was a lucky woman. That is, until I got pregnant, which was not long after we tied the knot. He changed; and I didn't understand it.

The first sign of change was that he forgot my very first birthday as his wife (and I was 7 months pregnant at that time). Needless to say, I was devastated -- especially after I heard stories about how he used to go away on trips for his ex's birthday.

When the baby arrived, he slept in a different room. Yes, I was on mat leave; but it didn't mean I was on vacation. Trust me, my mat leave was no vaca. Having only 3-4 hours of sleep every night for the first 3 months is not something I would want to experience ever again!!! I was in physical pain and felt light-headed daily. Still, I received little help / care from him.

We've been married for nearly 5 years now -- our little one is turning 4 soon. I stay in this marriage because I feel guilty if my little one has to go through single parent's life.

I'm so confused and feel so lost most of the time. Work is my get-away (as sad as it may sound).

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same situation

OMG. I think I'm dating y our ex :X

My uncle "Sam" married a loser... he's been married to "Beth" for the pass 20 years. Children ages 18 and 13. She refuses to get a job throughout the whole marriage and fights were constants. Shes has been working the past two years, but still refuses to pay for any bills. My uncle pays for everything and cooks dinner. luckily the kids are old enough to do chores. He wants a divorce and the kids are encouraging him. They know their mom is crazy. She's hopeing for a divorce so she can get half of the money when the house goes on sale. We dont know what to do... we dont want her claws on my uncle money and property. To top things off... we came from a pulmonary office today and was told there is a mass growing in his lungs. (He used to smoke cigs) we are waiting for a biopsy appt. My family is stressed. My uncle is going thru so much right now. Any advice is helpful

God gave Israel a divorce: She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous sister Judah had no fear, and now she, too, has left me and given herself to prostitution.
Jeremiah 3:8

Divorce him.

i feel the same as you. he is right now snoring soundly, after coming home late drunk. he doesnt have an income, we have 3 children youngest is 2months and husband cant even pay bills. he has refused to get a job. i pay all bills which he sits all day on the sofa, watch all tv and videos and music, eat as he wishes. he is of no help and i no longer repsect him as a man. he is actually a heavy weight on my shoulder. i have tried to get rid of him but he cant leave. i cant leave as i dont want to disrupt my daughter schooling, in lower primary, as i want her to catch up first before i get a boarding school for her and that way i can relocate. we have talked and qualled but i guess he thinks am desperate and knows that i will foot the bills when he freeloads coz i have to feed the children. now again i have to wait till am on my feet as am on maternity leave to think clearly. he hasnt bothered to look for a job sisnce january and for the last 3 years he was working for a meagre salary, so i support us for 7yrs.

hey, weit a sec. r u pregnant with a rabbit? ur hubbys meagre salary can feed rabbit, but a kid.

i feel the same as you. he is right now snoring soundly, after coming home late drunk. he doesnt have an income, we have 3 children youngest is 2months and husband cant even pay bills. he has refused to get a job. i pay all bills which he sits all day on the sofa, watch all tv and videos and music, eat as he wishes. he is of no help and i no longer repsect him as a man. he is actually a heavy weight on my shoulder. i have tried to get rid of him but he cant leave. i cant leave as i dont want to disrupt my daughter schooling, in lower primary, as i want her to catch up first before i get a boarding school for her and that way i can relocate. we have talked and qualled but i guess he thinks am desperate and knows that i will foot the bills when he freeloads coz i have to feed the children. now again i have to wait till am on my feet as am on maternity leave to think clearly. he hasnt bothered to look for a job sisnce january and for the last 3 years he was working for a meagre salary, so i support us for 7yrs.

If you are that unhappy leave. Yes u may have kids but they will grow up to see what u r going through and end up with someone just like him. U don't want to be a single mom, hey guess what women have been doing it for centuries. You don't want the church folks to talk ha they will if u stay or leave. It's your one life live if we'll leave that looser he don't deserve u. Pray to God and he will bless u with you hearts desires. ..

I can relate to this so much. My husband is so lazy and emotionally abusive toward me, at times I've felt physically threatened by him - he calls me bad names daily, gets easily agitated and puts me down. He works 20hrs a week and has no qualifications or ambition. I am the bread winner and my family is in a different country it's tough...I feel so ashamed that I'm going through this. He is 13 years older than me and his mother treats him like a child by giving him money and paying for things he wants. I recently had a baby and I'm off work now and doing alot of reflection on my situation. I haven't vented to anyone about this before

I read your story, are you still with him

Hi Gianna I haven't logged in since writing this. Yes I am still with him and nothing has changed. I think its harder to leave because we have a baby together, but still I need to look forward. I don't really have any support I can talk to here and I'm afraid about telling my family because I don't want them to worry about me

WOW there is alot of negative and useless husbands not there.

My story is quite the opposite. As the husband i can do everything my wife can except have kids and certain dishes i cant make. I work and have recently been promoted. My wife instead got fired from a dead end job.

She had this dead end job and just stayed there for 7 years. At the moment the only good she does is maid work. She cant stimulate me mentaly, physically and has NO DRIVE. In my world this is a loser. No job, no brains, cant do the basics and sucks in bed!

I find it odd that as a guy i complain about things females complain about but this is just me. I worked hard to get where i am and I feel that a high standard should be set. Imagine my child sees this mother and wants to walk in her footsteps lmao

why lmao? isnt it such a serious issue.?

Wow, I would treasure you. Some people just don't know how to keep their spouse happy. Mine is a real winner. Im so angry at myself for giving him the satisfaction of me being here. Keep in mind I don't talk to him, nor do I sleep with him. The thought makes me vomit. if you want to chat.

You married her, you sound like a fool berating her like that. She is the woman YOU chose to marry. Marriage is an important decision, you must not have put enough foresight into it... Bringing a child into the world is an irreversible decision, but one you made, with the woman you call brainless... Your child is more perceptive than you can imagine and will pick up on your negative feelings toward his/her mother. File for divorce before you raise a child who grows into an adult with major relationship issues thanks to you. A brainless person makes bad decisions, sounds to me like you are not so didferent from your wife.

Just be lucky he pays bills my husband works and tacked all our family tax credits and don't even care bout me or my kids he's just out to get wot he can I'm struggling like a dog and he's a bud addict who don't give a crap bout ney one but him self he spends every penny he earns on him self I can't work cuz Iv got server astmah and in and out of hospital I'm just fed up and feel really just force him to work and just consider ur self lucky he still helps look after the kids I have to take my three kids everywhere I got my husbands nothing but a waster man I don't even eat cuz I'm scared their won't be enuff to go round

I'm pretty sure my wife hates me. I do work around the house, help with our daughter, and make enough money to pay my own bills, but need to make more. I left a job 3 years ago to get into a real estate job that hypothetically makes a good deal of money. I've been making enough to get by and always had a "big deal" right around the corner, but nothing ever came to fruition. I'm looking for a job now, I've had several interviews and should have a job soon. But my wife does not see any value in what I do to make the amount of money I make, and has a very good job. Even if I get a job I won't make as much as her, and I don't think she will ever be happy. I don't even like to be in the same room as her anymore. She just nags and asks what I'm doing all the time because she is a busybody and can't sit still for two seconds and expects the same out of me. She has sucked the enjoyment out of my life and I'm not sure there is an end in sight. I am very nice to her and always help out any way I can. Is there any possibility she will ever be happy with me or should I accept that this is my life from now on. I can't imagine once I get a better job that she will suddenly be nice to me again.

did u lose ur job because of ur indecent behavour towards her and ur colleages?

I can identify with your story a lot. I really comes down to being honest with your self and your partner. All facts has to be put on the table when talking about marriage. Honest dialog about what you expect from your spouse, and include the what if (scenario). Look out for dreams of grand proportions (they don't come true). Be realistic. Make sure both families are ok with the marriage, the second she gets upset or disappointed that is where she will go for "good" advise. If they didn't approve of the marriage, their influence could be disasterous. You will live in misery. Then she will be told "I told you so" and will hate you for it. I think we all agree that money is important to all of us, and for some it is all that is important. If you don't have a realistic means to satisfy need to live lavishly, and that is what she wants, not a good match. Don't marry her. My wife makes more than me, that makes me the looser in the family. Anything she does is automatically more important because she makes more. She loves to put it in my face constantly. (Like a Punishment) We have kids, I don't want them to experience a single parent home like I did. So I will stick around for a while. My wife tells me (not jokingly) that women are smarter and that's why women are employable and men these days don't work. (I had a talk with her, I explained to her that there are other forces at work in the economy, the real reason men are not busy at work has more to do with the fact that there are not as many traditional jobs that pay a livable wage for men. Industry and manufacturing jobs have now shipped over seas. No self respecting man will work a slave wage job like wal mart as a career job.) She thinks that is an excuse, no its a reason. I do bring in some$ just not as much as before. We are not attracted to each other anymore, we act nice to each other because we need to be civil to hold down the household.
Tann12, Why do you want her to be nice to you? her true colors have been exposed.

Your wife probably doesn't hate you. Women are hard to read sometimes. Have you ever sat down with her and told her that you appreciate her and the fact that she has a good job? Have you told her that you are not satisfied with your contributions and how much you'd like to land a job that would allow you to take care of her more? If you haven't, I think you should, ASAP! Women need to hear things like that. You may be amazed at how much better she feels after being told those things... Maybe not but its worth a shot, marriage is hard work but it pays off if you keep at it!

I left my husband because he dose not like good food.....I just celebrated my 6th anniversary and he lives 40 miles from me and I live with 4 guys who love food!

"He borrows money to pay his portion of the bills"

Why does he have a "portion of the bills?" You are married that means that all assets as well as debts are held jointly.

I feel really sorry for your husband. He quit a job to pursue entrepreneurship. That in itself is a great thing. What I wonder is if his lack of success is due to your sabotaging your husband because you are used to a low value, low risk lifestyle?

I was 34 when I decided that being an economist was a horrible JOB. I didnt want a job anymore, I wanted to build a successful and respected family and create a legacy. I quit my job, moved 1/2 way across the country, began law school, and was working for a white shoe firm 4 years later.

The entire time I was in law school my wife gripped about how much of a loser I was, she talked to all of her friends and coworkers. My wife had refused to get a second job to help out for the three years I was in law school, so I took on debt. The day I graduated, she did not throw me a party, or even get me a card, instead she just gripped about what a lousy husband I was.

By the time I was interviewing for jobs, I had not realized how much my wife's nagging had affected my self worth. A senior partner that I had an interview with was reading my application and asked me. . . so how did your family take you going back to law school. As embarrasing as it is, I almost cried and vomited the story of how my wife had treated me to him before I knew it. The partner had a very similar law school experience, and it was a long time after I got the job that I learned that he had personally hired me without my file even going to committee.

My wife was so proud of her white shoe husband. Now she was on the phone always bragging about this and that to her friends. She would fly home to see the girls and take them to Vegas, she loved showing pictures of our condo in a trendy Manhattan neighborhood, and most of all she enjoyed eating out and shopping and rubbing it in her "girls" faces.

I left my wife during my fourth year as an associate. I had just made it over the three year hump and was partner bound. I came home one night and overheard her telling one of her friends "well of course I didnt love him back when he was a loser going to school, but 200 K a year can buy a lot of love." I sat in the living room, of our fancy condo, and listened to her tell her friend how she should get her loser husband to go to law school, which if you remember my wife had complained the whole time I went.

When she got off the phone, she walked into the living room and I am pretty sure by the look on her face when she saw me sitting there that she knew what was going to happen. Without saying a word, I walked into my closet, grabbed a handful of suits (but no underwear, socks, or shoes for some reason) and walked out the door. The next day I filed for divorce.

Today I am happily remarried. Three years after my divorce, and a year after I became partner, I bought a country place in Connecticut. A few years later I married a girl who works at a feed and tack store by my country house. I assumed she was a sales clerk, and she assumed that I was a busy farmer. It was a few dates till I realized that she was the owner of that store, when she figured out I was not a farmer, she was relieved because apparently my knowledge as to farming was lacking.

Today my wife is back in the midwest and is married to a plumber. I have known the guy all of my life, and feel very sorry for him. I saw on facebook that she is taking her girls to Vegas next weekend. I am sure he will enjoy the break.

I truly was touched by your story and could relate to you in many ways. I have been in a relationship for more than 10 years with a man that shows me no respect. In the beginning of our relationship he was attentive but obviously he some issues with responsibility. As a woman I am, I wanted to build his strength and show him that he has the power to set his path in life. While I was attending the first years of my college degree he made foul statements of how easy college was. Although, he attempted and failed. He used to tell me that I was not doing anything for the family because I was not making any money. I ignored his comments and kept pursuing my passion, which I am currently still in the process. He would also do things to disrupt my progress. For instance, he would break my laptop computer and fight with me the day before big exams. It was a nightmare. However, things seemed to change for the better a couple years ago. Therefore, we got married. That I can say was the biggest mistake of my life. He began to believe that he needed to live up to my status. So we spend over 5,000 dollars to enroll him into school, I would like to mention that we are broke college students. His enthusiasm was gleaming in his eyes in the beginning of his academic career. I gave him the support a wife should. I also encouraged not to worry about our finances because what we are doing will pay in the end. He had a total breakdown. He could not handle the pressure of success. He failed out yet again. However, he is currently giving it second attempt at a junior college. His daily routine is to skip class, miss assignments, and play video games while drinking beer. He has even gone to extreme of abuse. Physical and mental. I have tried to influence and guide this man in the right direction but it has failed. Without him taking life serious, I am sure that this marriage is not meant for me. We have different pathways. What is even worse is that while I do try to save the little money we have he spends it on himself. My children is without basic essentials because of his selfishness. Are bills are piling up and we are in debt to almost everyone. And yet, he does nothing to improve the situation, not even go to school. I am completely fed up with his consent abuse and laziness. I go to school, clean the house, cook the dinner, wash the clothes, tend to the kids, and baby his grown ***. I tried of being the victim. It is time for me to take a stand for the strong woman I am. I also wanted to mentioned he has the a huge ego. He thinks he is a goddess and everyone should bow down to him. From my observation he is neurotic and unstable. He is also insecure and extremely jealous. I can't even talk to my classmates. The next steps that I take will be from this point will be the beginning of a normal and happy life.

sorry to hear u married such material greedy wife. guess if u ever brought a pair of white shoe from that firm, she would have treated u differently. what a loser u both are. a self centerd husband only deserves a meager salaried wife.

i know what you going through im going through the same situation see my husband is a ******* everytime we argue he always calls me out my name hes always downing me as a parent i work i pay all the bills rent as well and all he does is sit at the house and smoke

I am soon to get a divorce! I married a loser who promised to change, and I am ever so much wiser now. I know people don't change as I knew when I got married, but I listened to my heart and not my brain. Luckily, I am not like most women who complain of being "stuck." I am the breadwinner, I own the house, I own the car, I have the resources to get out. If I can support us all with his weight dragging me down, imaging what I can do without him! All of this is possible because I'm not trying to get a man to take care of me. That's the give and take. If you want to do nothing and be a kept woman, be prepared to stick it out when it gets ugly because you've left yourself with no recourse but to get child support and alimony so that you can continue to not work and support yourself. If these are your goals, you deserve the outcome!! This site is whack...All you women need to get a job. Period.

I am shocked at others on the group who have "shamed you" for wanting a divorce. I don't see what you would have to lose since you are paying the bills. You may need some government assistance to get started on your own, but that it what is there help in times of trouble. Please also think about the example your husband is demonstrating for your children. Peace, love and hugs...

Let me add in the beginning he lied to me Bout everything, things I didnt find out until AFTER my daughter was born ive told himm countless times im here for him, ill support hin, well try therapy. He ignores me. I dont beleive in breaking up a home but its so hard. He dosent even provide financially. Hes so selfish, he thinks of noone but himself. Very hurtful

My fiance is the same. Weve been together for 6 yrs. Have a 2 yr old daughter and our son is due december 28th. He thinks I dont know about his drug use. Supposedly started a perm. Job 2 months ago but "hasent gotten a paycheck" he thinks "theyre screwing him". Then when he supposedly finally got the checks "they bounced". My rent is due to 2 weeks and we JUST moved in 2 months ago, we ran out of oil, have no wood for the fireplace, daughter didnt have milk, our stove still isent hooked up, and hes like well dont worry I quit my job bc **** them. Then I get a call that the cops have been looking for him at all my family members houses. So embarrassing. On top of that I just found out my unborn son has a brain condition or could possibly. Depending on severity. My mom came to get my daughter today and he didnt even leave the carseat. Called him 27 times in a row. 2hrs later I get a text saying oh I just looked at my phone . Hes out playing softball while im here to deal with this freezing house pregnant and alone. I want to leave so bad but I have nowhere to go and how can I work with 2 kids. And he somehow makes me feel bad about not having anywhere to go. I have family I could go too as long as I left him. He has no family left bc he ****** every1 so bad. Sorry didnt mean to vent im just terrified.

Please get away from this man and go on to live a happy life. Learn to value yourself and only associate with friends and future partners who value you, themselves and your children. Life will not get easier with him, only harder. You may need to rely on family and/or some government programs to get started...there is no shame in that. Protect your children, protect yourself...and learn to live without this guy. He also sets a poor example for the children. Love yourself...and focus on the kids, your happiness and stay away from this guy or any other man.

"how can I work with 2 kids." OH I KNOW RIGHT! Because no other woman has EVER done it. Your attitude may not be the only problem in your life, but it's definitely one of them. You are stuck because you choose to be. Why were you not working before?? Why have you chosen to do nothing while your husband isn't working. Leave him, but don't sit there and act like you are just completely helpless. "How can I work with 2 kids." OH PLEASE. Stand up for your kids and have some courage to 1. remove them from a bad situation 2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SITUATION instead of blaming others 3. stop making excuses that don't hold water. "how can i work." That's it...not even worth trying. I'll just sit here and poor me.

My husband is a huge disappointment. We married young and he was full of training and ideas but his work ethic has been a joke. He's been without work since 2008. He blames the economy but he's full of beans. He simply never looks for a job and looks for excuses not to respond to job offers. I found two jobs for him but he screwed up the first interview and missed the other. He plays stupid video games all day. Thank god my instincts told me to never get pregnant. I am meeting with a lawyer this week and want him out of the house. Girls look out for mooches like I have. Don't be fooled by looks or words. My mistake was we married in less than a year of dating. That's not long enough. And btw my next husband won't be as handsome. My current husband was handsome when we met but I've noticed handsome guys grow accustomed to getting everything so it makes them lazy. Be careful, one year after first meeting is not enough to see what a person is truly made of and looks are not all that matter to women.

I think my husband might b the biggest bum of them all. He pretends to go to work, lies about it n about paying bills(almost got us evicted), and he steals money from me because he's addicted to drugs. Oh n he used to be in and out of jail until recently. I wish I knew what I knew before we had a child together.

Move out but don't diivorce him, file for a legal separation and ask for child support. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Did you ever think that maybe YOU were contributing to your own stress? God hates divorce, as is so stated in the Bible. We are given no 'outs', other than for adultery, and then we are told if we do take that out, that if we marry again, we commit adultery. However, I'm sure you can find a secular humanist therapist, who will try to convince you that your husband is being 'abusive', and rather than work on him over the long-run (read l Cor. 13), that you find a way to justify YOUR bad behavior, rather than accept responsibility for your part in this....
So, typical....

...did you even read the poor woman's post? You sound psychotic.

Yes, I read it.....Psychotic? No need for name calling. I see nothing in her post that would justify a divorce as a Christian.

I think if Mary were in an abusive relationship, Jesus would not tell her to suck it up because it's God's will.

I am a Christian and the church teachings similar to manomenner's post have held me in a miserable marriage for 22 years. I am getting a divorce soon and wish I got it 20 years ago. Knowing what I know about Jesus, I am sure now that He would have wanted me out, too. My husband never loved me as himself (as the Bible commands). Despite that, I tried for year to "respect" and "obey" him. Because of his laziness and lying, we ended up with $65,000 in debt eight years ago. That's when I realized that I (and my church "advisors") must have misinterpreted God's desire to "obey" my husband's stupid ideas. I took control of our finances and we are now debt-free. if your husband does not wish to change, it is not God's will for you to suffer in a miserable marriage. Get yourself freed and you'll be much better able to do God's work.

Debt, sickness, 'laziness', arguing, name calling and other reasons are no reason for divorce. If you break your covenant with God, you will not be doing 'his work', pure and simple. And if you divorce and re-marry, you will be living in sin and judged as an adulterer.

I also forgot to mention constant emotional and verbal abuse, in front of the kids and others. I am not the one breaking the covenant with God. He is the one who broke it: he promised to love and cherish me, like Christ loved the church, but he never did (his own words). By the way, for what it is worth, I got a "permission" to divorce him from my pastor, a church counselor, and another Christian councilor, who all spoke to both of us and know the situation well. I did stay married, for kids sake, for as long as I could. My kids are almost all adults now, so no reason to stay with the man who hurts me. And no, I will NEVER marry again or have sex again (I haven't had sex for over 8 years now), so I am in no danger of becoming an adulteress.

Mentalities such as these kept me in a marriage to an abuser when I saw signs. This lead to two children being abused. Let me
Mention he came from a very good family, brother being the district atty etc. you dear are one of those judge mental Christians who proffer no actual help, just too bad so sad and a callous outlook. Happy it found a Christian therapist who understands how people "in the church" perpetuate abuses.

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