I Dont Know Why I Do

I really hate that I hate my husband...but I do. We are married for 2 yrs now and he is lovely, never shouts at me, never fight me, is nice, listens to me. He is trying to be a very good man, I know that. His character was why I fell in love with him sooo much. And he is handsome too. All could be perfect. But he doesnt have a job, he doesnt have an education, he has no money. Nothing, never. And thats what makes me so angry all the time. Getting money is all on me. I just started to have a 2nd job in the night so my sleep became very rare. I need money. Before I met him I never really had to focus how to get more money, coz I always had enough. But now..all that is in my mind is money. I hate that. Some might think now  just make him work somewhere, even if he is just cleaning toilets. But unfortunately its not that easy, he doesnt have a work permit. So no job =(  very often I dream myself away, how nice it would be without him-and then the truth is coming back. I believe in the holy bible and what it says-a divorce would be the last thing I want. Thats why am doing all I can for him. The problem is, that some time ago, I did it, coz I loved him so much, I wanted his best. But now it is just my duty. And that makes me feel so bad, coz I dont want to feel like that. Another part that is giving me headache is the subject "kids". I always wanted to be a young mother. Well, am 22yrs old, he is going to be 30yrs in may, am still young, but who knows if he will ever get a job? If he doesnt bring money then am not going to become pregnant...and a life without kids??? What is a life without kids???

I was always a person who said "love is what we need- if you dont have love, you have nothing" but now, i feel like "if you dont have money, you are nothing" . And my husband is the reason why I have nothing. So I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. And still I love him too....

So now: isnt it better if you marry a man with money? Even if you hated him, you could use his money to do whatever you like ?

blumenmeer blumenmeer
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 12, 2010

Be smart girl! you are young and you have a lot of opportunities ahead of you. If you still want to hang out with him, try not to have kids yet. It will only make matters so much worse.

oh Honey - your problem is not that you don't have money - your problem is that you dont have a life partner to share your worries and problems with. If you did - he would be equally worried about money and all that entails...<br />
DO NOT HAVE KIDS W HIM - then you would have to make money AND do all the things to take care of the kids