^%$% I Hate Being Married
...it's been almost 16 years come this May 1st and I hate being married!
Now, I could have told ya that being married ain't all what its cracked UP to be. I told my mom when I was a little girl that I WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED. I would have a few male friends, and if I conceived a child by one of them, the child would know them as an UNCLE and not a father!
Well let's fast forward this show to 2010, and now I am living to hate my life, my marriagem regretting my intentions, and kicking myself in the butt for going against what I promised not to do..................GET MARRIED. It SUCKS!
I met my husband through two other boyfriends and really thought at one point that he was my soul mate....NOT! He turned out to be a pompous, A....Hole with a job, stingy, fat, with a crappy mother-in-law, a decent father, crazy brother in law, and a dysfunctional family.
I thought it would change, but I never went into the marriage thinking I could change him. I did not have HIGH EXPECTATIONS or a rose color glasses on. It is what it is, ^%$% up.
I just wanted someone to love me, for ME. Instead I got an anal-retentive, OCD, alpha-male, insecure, extreme religious, I should be subservient, grateful, groveling fool!
I should have called it quits when things changed after my job laid me off, he said I QUIT... that's a lie, the crazy ^%$ woman fired me. I quickly found another job, that I thought would be my best gig, and sure enough the %$#% job reorganized and I got my walking papers from them. Its been a down hill battle with jobs and this husband.
It quickly showed me the type of man I was dealing with. Not one to give me compassion, understanding or even empathize with me. Just some nut who wanted money, money, money. "Pay the household, or else"
Now hell, I didn't marry him for his money, because when we first got togther he was living in a boarding house, no car, bald and macho. %$#!
My uncle in California lays the world down for my aunt. Work, my aunt never had to that, even though she has. He bought her cars, took her traveling and all he has asked is that she look pretty for him. Well I am no Halle Berry, but heck I do look good for a lady who is 45. Some men treat their women soooooooooo good. Instead I get Fred Flintstone, Archie Bunker,mouth almighty, obnoxious, money hungry, tight-wad jerk who thinks he is god's gift to women in the South.
I have gone to start the steps for divorce, consulted a good attorney who got me ready for the inevitable. But each time, I have gotten scared due to not knowing the what the future will bring or how to deal with it. I am ready for a divorce. I have a child and I wanted her to at least know and have a father in her life, unlike my childhood I did not have a father in my life, he left at 7 and my mom was a single parent growing up in the North was rough. But this fool is really trying me. My child should feel lucky I have stayed with him over the limit, 5 years too long it has been.
Since he pays the household bills, not my personal bills he feels that I should be cooking, cleaning, and serving him despite I go to work at 6a everyday and he flexs his time of when he comes and goes at his job.
He is arrogant, he thinks since he pays the bills he is in control of me...%^^& NO!
I am not at the point where I say screw him, I could care less. He went on business travel this week, and instead of being nice on his return home tonight, being grateful he still had a wife & kid, his &^%$ still here, car still parked in the garage - tis moron comes home fussing, because we did not pull the trash can up the hill. *&^& I ain't your slave - I am your wife.
He leads with gestapo tactics, he uses hostility, mind games, verbal abuse and expects me to suck him off....man I got my vibrator for that. And I am sure he got his fist and *****, so call us even.
These days lately, I have had dreams of oher people. I have wondered about having an affair, seeing someone else and the only reason I have not is because I know I would get caught and then he would go to the judge and tell him I was an unfit mother. So instead I suffer in silence, in agony wishing he would choke on a chicken bone anything to get rid of him, short of me poisoning with some radiator fluid like the lady did here some years ago and the court found her GUILTY.
I wish I could just walk away, with my things, head, senses and ego in tact instead of having my child and my lifestyle ripped apart! They only reason neither one of us have not field for divorce in because this stingy fool is worried I will take his retirement money away, so he says ITS CHEAPER TO KEEP HER.
He comes and goes when he pleases, he does what he wants, I get to chauffer my child, be the teacher, the parent, the father when he is on business travel, speak with the teacher when she goes to the principal's office and motivates her while he is gone. He is demanding, never satisfied, does not help with homework, school but expects good grades from my child and when ^&^$ hits the fan...WATCH OUT I am to blame.
I do fantasize about other men, I do wish I was with someone else without getting caught. My dream guy has abs, 6pack, tall, 6 ft., wealthy, and adores a woman in every sense of the word- from my head to my toe.
Tonight I write out of hurt, anger, resentment, frustration, revenge of what I wish I could do! I wish I coudl simpy run him over with a car and not get charged with crime!
Instead I hate being married!.........................