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Can't You Just Let Us Be Happy?

Ok so me and my husband just got married about one month ago although we have been living together for over 1 year and a half. We have a new born baby boy, born September 25 2012.
My husband was married for 7 years and just got divorced this year. He has a 4 year old daughter with his ex. Anyway...here is my story.

We met May 2011 and he told me that he had been seperated since May 2010 due to cheating on his ex wife's part. So our relationship grew into something beautiful...until his ex wife found out about me. She was very unhappy that he had someone else although she at the time was living with her significant other. She said horrible things about me to his mother that I had not met at the time...so his mom had a very bad image about me. She started posting horrible things about me on facebook, also pictures of him and her together just so I would get upset.
I learned to just brush it off.
When she found out I was pregnant she was livid. Sending me harrassing text messages and "romantic" ones to my husband. My husband had filed for divorce since 2011 and she just did not want to cooperate. Until finally they setteled it this year. She basically got his family against me saying untrue things about me to them. She continues to post things about me on facebook and things about my husband. I have asked her nicely to just let us be happy but she acts like a child.

A month ago my husbands brother passed away, when she found out, she went to his mothers house and stayed there for one week to help the family grieve. Am i the only person
who finds this disrespectful and inappropriate? On her part and on his family's part for allowing that? I mean I am his new wife and was carrying his child. I feel like I deserve a little more respect than that.
So after my son was born my husband asked her if we can see his daughter for one day so she could meet her little brother. I had only seen his daughter once because she did not allow me nor my husband to see her. Surprisingly she agreed. But now I found out that she told my in laws that the little girl came home very rude and disrespectful. I mean come on! The little girl is 4 years old and has a communication disorder,so she hardley even speaks.
Clearly she is lying. The child was really good with us and seemed to really like me and my newborn son. I feel so emotionally upset that she keeps on trying to make me look bad in front of his family. I just dont understand what her motive is. They are already divorced...me and him are now married and have started a family. What does she want?
I spoke to my mother in law about this and she was very unsupportive and basically said that nobody will ever take her place since she was his first wife :-(

I don't know what to do anymore this has caused a major toll in our relationship. I just want to be happy.
Please give me your input on this thank you.
agonz17 agonz17 22-25, F 5 Responses Oct 17, 2012

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It's horrible, odds are it will never get better, she will never go away, she won't change. My husband and I have battled this for 5 years. We have come to the motto "we can't change what other people say or do, just ourselves". She has monopolized his whole family and we basically have nothing to do with anyone in his family because of it. But you know what, that is THEIR loss. They have a beautiful new grandson/nephew/etc that they don't even know because of their relationship with her. And they are all very aware of the reason why they are not involved in our life or our son's. It is their loss and if they want to spend the time crying over spilled milk or divorced b*tches, that's their choice. We live our lives together every day and are happy with each other and don't dwell on the past, or miserable b*tches we can't control. Ignoring her will **** her off more. If you give in and let her run your life, she wins. If you let her live in your head and your life, she wins. I know its hard to do but you have to distance yourself emotionally and mentally from this toxic woman. Enjoy your husband, your family, and your beautiful new baby (BTW our babies are only 6 weeks apart! So I know how much your heart is beaming with love right now, don't let her ruin that in you!!!) :)

I went through the same thing with my ex husbands family they didn't like me. They would constantly tell him why did you leave so and so. Why did you marry this girl. His mom was always disrespectful always talking trash behind my back. His mom is best friends with his ex it was horrible. Well long story short I just kept my mouth shut for about 5 years eventually they came around and I know have a great relationship with them. I also am now divorced and recently remarried to someone else and now dealing with a different kind of drama. My ex husbands family even invite me and my new husband over for diner or partys but I always decline I dont want the new wife to get upset. Just be patient they will realize one day how wrong they are. I truly wish you the best of luck I know exactly how you feel. Don't let it bother you because you are only hurting yourself.

You're so not wrong to feel disrespected! I feel this for you. I wanted a close relationship with my in-laws and feel that as the woman he chose and is giving him kids they should respect and appreciate this. However I have to agree with the others, he has a responsibility to make his feelings known, and sadly you may not get the respect you deserve from his family. Saying nobody can take her place cuz she's his first wife tho, that's just rude, and seems intended to hurt your feelings. I learned that it's their loss if they choose to behave in ways that cause me to not include them in our lives. Good luck and hang in there!

@ Sammy7000 she cheated on him, his brother caught her in the act but his mother for some reason does not wanna believe it. I've asked him to talk to his family and he has but they don't respect his wish.

@Sugar1975 he has spoken to his family but his mother basically didn't care. Your right maybe I should just not have involvement with those who are close to her.

I can relae to your story. My husbands ex wife is involved in everything we do, and do you know who I blame? Him. My husband allows the ex to have that control. He will not stand up to her and tell her to stop interfering in our lives. My husband says just leave her alone and she will stop. Has you husband ever spoke to her about her interference? Has he spoke to his family?
I know its hard to not let the interfering B%h get under your skin, but be the better person. How important is it to you to be involved with people who clearly are disrespectful of your feelings? or your sons? For my peace of mind I have cut out alot of my husbands family. I am not rude to them, but they do not have "emotional power" over me and ulitmately that is what will bother her more, is your lack of response to her antics. Good luck with your choosen path.

I agree, I too can relate to the ex wife experience. My husbands ex left him for another man three months after giving birth to their child ( which she desperately begged for), she took everything from him I came along 1 year later. We have been together for nineteen yrs and the ex continues to attend every function weddings, funerals, baby showers, birthdays, and etc. two of his sisters act two faced towards me and I feel because the ex never divorced the family I was never given a chance. I told my husband instead of him complaining about her being their with her husband he really needs to speak up, he needs to tell his family exactly how he feels then he needs to put his ex in her place and tell her to mind her own business and to move on. I feel even though I live with my husband and go to bed with him every night when we attend his functions his ex still struts around as if she is still his wife. Very disrespectful on her part and his family. They have even invited her to functions without invited me and to top it off she is Facebook friends with everyone that has his last name and they forget about me on there. It's just sooooo wrong on so many levels.