I Want To Hurt Her

Uh where do I begin... Well I guess a quick recap of the past 5 years, actually more like 13, o wow.

So I have been with my fiance for 5 years now. He has a 6 year old from a previous marriage. Let me just throw out there that I'm not the reason they broke up. Although his ex seems to think if I didn't come along they would be together. Nevermind the fact that she had an affair and got pregnant with another mans kid. Yea she sounds wonderful already right? Ha!

At first we were civil and she even told me private things about her. I don't really know why, and it always made me uncomfortable. Still I let her tell me and I engaged in easy conversations with her when she would pick up or drop off their daughter or more than likely we would be picking up/dropping off. Any everything went fine and I became a huge part of their daughters life, and well mommy dearest barely ever saw her. So at 2 almost 3 yrs old the baby starts calling me mommy. I was flattered, but still I didn't allow this. It was disrespectful and I wouldn't want my daughter  (I don't have any biological children) calling someone else mommy. That is until she aproaches me and says I don't mind you are great to her and I can see all you do for her. She told me this multiple times for a year and a half. Well guess who all of a sudden has a problem with it.

So she tells her daughter that I'm not her mother, that I didn;t give birth to her and all that fun stuff. And you know what... I'm not. But I treat and care for that child like she is my own. So get over it. Expecially since up until a couple of months ago she only saw her daughter 1 lousy night a week. Mind you she's a stay at home mom.

Well now she's sending me e-mails claiming to have had an affair with my fiance for the first 3 years of our relationship. Which is not true. She calls him all the time for stupid stuff and just to chat, and even has gotten mad when he wont stay on the phone and chat with her while we are on a date. She runs her mouth about me to their daughter which only confuses her, and to put the icing on the cake the child comes to me with what was said upset and confused.

Anyway I could go on and on about the things she has said and done, but you would be reading a novel. So my biggest problem is I am so angry I want to physically hurt this women. I can't bring myself to make small talk or exchange pleasantries. She opens her mouth and I shake my head and tell her to speak to my fiance about whatever she has to say. I feel my fist get tight and I start shaking when she comes around. I have to kiss my step daughter and move quickly away form her during pick ups and drop offs. I have dreams at night about hurting her, and whenever I see her my entire day sometimes 2 days are ruined and me and my fiance usually end up fighting about it. Shes a horible parent, and every once in a great while will actually spen streches of time with her kid, and but her things. And then I listen to "momma bought me this momma bought me that, shes a good mother now". Don't get me wrong nothing would make me happier if it was true but I know it's only temperary, and soon enough I'll be holding her while she cries asking why mommy doesn't love her. It brakes my heart, and the worst part is I went through the same stuff with my mom. I know it only gets worse.

Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading, if anyone out there understands. I could use a friend whose been there/ is there. :)
jushadenough jushadenough
4 Responses Aug 12, 2010

:( So sad to think it is the kiddos that pay our selfishness...

Oh no! This is terrible!! I am going through very very similiar situation so thought I'd respond.
I just married the man I'm with after 5 years, he was with this ex 1 year. Which after 3 months she was so upset about their break-up (after 3 years) she got pregnant on purpose to keep him in her life. During the year after they were together, because he is like your guy, very sweet, open hearted, etc. She ended up cheating on him with his best friends, got pregnant with a second child which was not his. Did not know who the father was.

Needless to say, I stepped in like you.. for the relationship with this great man, and his child

(only every 3 months giving the length of time apart) she was "normalish" cried when she found out we were a couple. Her father offered to have my man down after we were living together to bring them together for the kid. Tried to say this second child was his, even after they were not together during this time, and child looked nothing like him. (Jerry Springer stuff, I NEVER thought I'd be around) Of course was not his after DNA test with court..

Like you, she was nice to me, gave me so much personal information it was wierd.. Next thing I know (like you) she freaks out saying I'm not the mother, I'll never be his mother, etc etc. In trying to make ammends stay at their place with her and her new husband, and 3 kids.. (HER ODD IDEA AND PRESSURE) of course. Make ammends.

3 months later, we get through the rough patch with me and my husband being as sweet and accomodating as possible. She asks where we are taking their son for the holidays, and when she finds out it's with my family starts texting she doesn't want her son around a bunch of "racist slurs" like a crazy person. I am so beyond insulted and disgusted that there is not only this kind of racism and hate around me and my family is involved, let alone with someone I will have to be involved with the rest of my life.

What do I do here????? I am at a loss, how can I do this pretend game when I know she has said these things?

I feel your pain why do these women want to destroy our lives why?? I too love my step-child as my own but his mother is making it unbearable stay strong I hope for you and me it gets better

U are not alone in thinking this! Glad to know im not either :)

I am SOOO in the same place as you. for a few minutes into your post i thought i had wrote it! lol we could help each other i am sure. I have the same feelings/issues as you!