I Need Help...

So for starters I have been married 2 years, together for 3. We have a 21 month old son, a 6 month old daughter and he has an almost 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage of 10 years (majority of which was empty with tons of verbal and physical abuse from her and she cheated on him).

His ex is crazy, literally. Shes bipolar just like her mother and brother but wont admit it or take meds in fear of losing her kids. Shes remarried with another child and step kids. I no longer speak to her since she tried to get me fired after i wouldnt be her friend. From day one she belittled me and tried to tell me how horrible my husband is. She is uneducated with no rationalization or reasoning skills. Shes impossible to compromise with because all she knows how to do is yell and curse. She lives in a parallel universe. I guess i should mention that we get my sd every other weekend and sometimes on her mothers weekend when her mother feels shes getting her way. Anyways, I stopped all contact with her mother when she tried to get me fired. Especially considering my husband was in school and I was the only one working . When I switched hospitals she even tracked me down there for some stupid reason (I think to let me know she knew everything even when we didnt tell her).

So long story short, she's horibble...
When talking to my sd she tells her to put the phone on speaker so she can yell at my husband. My husband hangs up on her or takes it off speaker but she calls back (sometimes 10+ times in a row) He refuses to fight with her so he tries to avoid talking with her when possible. Although its like walking on egg shells not to get her mad or shell take back her weekends.
She doesnt discipline at her house so calls my husband sometimes to do it.
She tells my sd things that she can only do with my husbands involvement so that if he say no, hes the bad guy.
She bashes us to all her friends in front of my sd, which happens to include a couple of my husbands cousins.

From my perspective, im a bit anxious and maybe overly disciplinary, which makes things worse in combo with a lenient husband and ex wife. My children are small so they dont get "disciplined" quite yet. Its very irritating to have to repeat myself constantly so I think sometimes I come off harsh. Im anxious by nature. Anyways, my sd isnt a bad kid. Shes respectful to us, more so me than her father. I almost wonder if she fears me.I feel like the evil step mother. My husband thinks I dont like her, probably because I feel a lot of resentment about the crap her mom puts us and her through, constantly hearing about her mom from my sd (unable to say anything of course), paying money for a kid that isnt mine (sole provider), etc.
Anyways, I told my husband we need to make rules so her mother cant penetrate and rule our family but he thinks that will hurt my sd. I said that we should enforce the rule that if anything reguarding our needed participation is run through my sd before us then the answer should be automatically no. This way we avoid my sd getting all upset if we have to say no and we can put a stop to her mothers attempts at manipulating our home. But, my husband says that it wont work and hes not going to say no and disappoint my sd because her mother is stupid. Which, I understand but some boundaries need to be set, right? It ended with my husband saying I was being selfish and not thinking of my sd needs first because I dont like her. I burst into tears and told him that I would no longer discipine my sd. I feel so evil, unappreciated, depressed. You name it. What on earth do I do. I need help. Bad. The last thing on earth I want is to end up with a broken home and put my kids through all this too. Any comments would be appreciated. And I realize im not perfect but please be kind.
dyingtomakeitwork dyingtomakeitwork
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

Im in the same boat. I feel ur pain