I Thought This Would Be Easy

I started dating my significant other with a very positive attitude about his two teenage boys and his ex-wife. I have no children and was really looking forward to having a relationship with his boys, all my friends have kids and their kids love me as I do them. My parents are divorced and my stepmother and my Mom get along great, it's not like they're best friends and they don't have to deal with each other much but I've never heard anything bad about each other from either one.

So - it started with a nasty email from her, she picked up the boys one day and snuck onto his computer and grabbed my email address. Sent me an email saying she thought that they were going to reconcile (after 8 yrs of divorce) and alluded to the fact that they had sex recently. I did not respond. I spoke to my BF about it and it was settled. As our relationship continues she has basically told the boys they should not like me or have anything to do with me, they won't even go on vacation with us (me). She shows up at my BFs house and has asked to spend the night because her roommates kids are taking up to much space - she did not end up spending the night, but what ex does that? She sends nasty texts constantly to my BF. She shows up at dinners he's at with their kids unexpectedly. She gets fired every six months from her job(s). She keeps the kids late on her holidays. She returns the kids late to his house (they live with my BF). etc.etc.etc.... it never ends.

Of course my BF tries not to rock the boat, he's had several talks with his boys about us getting married. I truly love my BF and he's a great man, very giving, very sweet and very NONCONFRONTATIONAL, to the point I'm getting irritated. He's so worried about how the boys will view him - he's so worried that he's STILL paying child support for his 19yr old son who is in college, just found that out last night. I about choked. No wonder the ex doesn't keep a job, why should she.

I'm always nice to the boys, I have no reason not to be, they really are very nice kids even if they prefer not to "like" me, being a stepchild myself I understand and I anticipate at some point they will get over these feelings of betraying their mother if they actually do like their Dad's girlfriend/wife - well let's hope so!

I've met the ex-wife (just a few days after the nasty email) and I was pleasant, smiled, and I kept my mouth shut and I continue to do so (it's not easy). At this point, I'd like to go give her a smack, tell her to stay out of my life and move on with hers, go get a job, a boyfriend and leave us alone. I really thought this would be much easier, this ex-wife/step child deal is mentally exhausting, not to mention depressing. I think of us getting married and I can see her running in the church ruining the wedding! It's only been a year - Wish me luck.

Beck65 Beck65
1 Response Feb 5, 2013

Im so sorry and what a difficult strain on you. It may not help the situation, but sometimes its nice to hear that your feelings are noticed and justified. She sounds like a real nut case. I wonder what does your BF say about all of her actions? Being a good co-parent does not mean that you have to lie down and "take it.". I say that as much for you as i do for him.

Sorry, hit return too fast. Id talk to him about it, im sure he has to know its difficult to deal with, but hey what can he do right. Lots! First, he should be protective of a relationship with someone new (you), and get that she will cross any boundaries to hurt him. He needs to be aware and keep his dog on a short leash (how is she getting into his house and accessing his computer?). Aside from that ignore her, she will eventually give up, self implode, or instantly cease to fire (ideally the 3rd). Best of luck"