Should I Leave My Husband
I am suffocating in my husbands world. I moved to his town in the boonies where I had no other friends except my husband. I moved into his ****** house that was litterally torn apart and under construction and by the way a mile from his parents house. So as we worked on it we "had" to according to my husband live with his parents. This was a living hell, thankfully my husband listened when I said no more I love living in construction zones. His mother running around trying to be involved in our every move. The woman is as maternal as they come and because of this she is dependant on others needing her. In the processs of being needed she has clipped my husbands wings his entire life. He has no voice, and no spine for that matter, and I am the bad guy for wanting a life of our own. She has no life and wants to live through us. I f....ing hate her, she makes me nautious. She is the all knowing one and very religous which I am not. I hate organized religion because of the controlling freaks in the world like her that ruinned what was once good about religion. I will not baptize my children b/c I don't believe that a newborn baby has sinned. I think that is totally ****** up and I should have a right to do with my offspring as I please. I hear her wisper creepy jesus things to my husbands niece and nefew and can see myself littlerally spitting in her face or somehting a little more violent than that if she tries to brain wash my kids. It has come to the point where I see no way to continue my mariage unless we move to the other side of the country or at least a 6 hour drive away. Here is the kicker. My husband works for his family business, which pays him ****, but keeps him comfortable enough. He is convinced that if he stays working for the business a few more years he can make enough so we can leave this ****** little town. I unfortunatly don't see my husband being able to make the business that much more successful. I want to make a living not just survive. I have my own business that could exist anywhere, and being trapped in this suburban hell which his family is so proud of is killing me. I am burning out b/c all I can do is work to keep my mind off of how miserable I am. I work so hard so I can afford to get us away from his family and this backwards town that is stuck in the 50s. I always wanted children, but knowing that procreating will inevitably encourage their presence in my life. I feel violent when I think of them handeling my children. What is wierd is that they are "nice community folk." They creep me out with their leave it to Beever mentality. They are as frumpy as they come and I want my children to be influenced by fabulousness.
I don't think I can make this marriage work. I can't imagine my kids having any qualities that essentially have his genes. What did I do? I knew I hated his family before I married him. I am making sure that I don't get pregnant. My offspring are better off as little cells than living in this town with these incredibly boreing people. What is so scary is that I know I can't continue with this marriage, I just don't know how to get out of here with out loosing control of my business. Without my business I can't survive and it absorbs my life as it is. Focusing on moving again so soon could destroy me and my business. I am so tired. I know I am not capable of suicide, but I almost wish I were so I could leave. Do any of you have some copeing advice? This feels like hell.