I'm Invisible...

My husband's "addiction" to xbox is ruining our relationship.  I dread the weekend every week.  He does nothing but play.  It has caused so many fights not to mention hurtful words that don't seem to ever go away.  I am so close to just leaving.  I don't know what to do anymore.  He is so defensive over it as if it is a living breathing thing!  There is a difference is playing to play and playing all the time and neglecting the important things that keep a relationship going...

Just wanted to vent....  and if anyone posts telling me I should play can forget it.  I have tried it all and nothing changes!

I know I am not alone out there....

shedazzle shedazzle
36-40, F
19 Responses Nov 1, 2008

My husband plays on the Xbox as soon as he gets in from work until the early hours every day he now eats his dinner on the floor so he doesn't have to pause it to come to the table.
I have taken to chatting to other guys online while he plays he doesn't know that but I feel better knowing that if he wasn't playing I wouldn't be doing it and he would hate that as much as I hate the Xbox

I'm glad to see there are many woman with the same problem as me and it's not just me going nuts or thinking I'm being selfish

I am so glad I'm not the only woman struggling with this, my fiancee and I are not married yet but we've been together for 4 years and our wedding date it set to the day of our 5th anniversary. I am so upset constantly because he's FOREVER on his X-box One. We both work 40 hours over the weekend and I have college classes 2 days a week, the other 3 days the only attention I get from him is when I go to bed sometimes he'll come up to me and expect sex from me. Granted, he doesn't want to be the only one getting pleasure out of it as he claims his main goal is to get me to achieve ******....but still, afterwards he goes right back to the Xbox. If I ask him to cuddle me at night he gets irritated and says "I'm too tired to cuddle" like WTF??? Lame excuse in my opinion. Now before you say anything, we have tried playing the stupid thing together but now the only games he's into are single player. Hence- Halo 5 Guardians. If I ask him to do anything it takes constant nagging for him to get up and do it....and then he's up and he's pitching an attitude at me, telling me how irritating I am and what not. I'm so freaking tired of coming in second to the damn thing. Not to mention, if we DO make plans to go do something, we NEVER get to our destination at the planned time because I can't pry him away from the stupid Xbox. What am I supposed to do??? No, I don't have kids yet, no, we're not married yet, but I'm beginning to feel afraid of doing either one of these things with him...marriage won't solve the problem and I'll be damned if I had kids in this situation. When I agreed to marry him...he wasn't this bad. The way he proposed was actually sweet and well planned out...and we actually went on dates frequently...now we're at home constantly and I'm lucky if he suggests we go anywhere. Oh, I might mention the Xbox is also causing me financial stress because he always has to buy the newest game or downloadable content or whatever...that $50-$70 spent on the Xbox could've been a date night, a part of the electricity bill, the internet bill, or even a couple tanks of gas for our car. This is so frustrating.

Oh man, I'm engaged too and I have the same problem. Not quite so extreme but enough that it's making me second guess my decision to marry him. We're in couples therapy for other issues and that but man...they're not going to change. What do you think you're going to do? I want to break it off but I'm afraid of the pain it will cause us both..

Ive just come across this page by googling the same thing, we have been together 4 years and he was never like this when we met, it started when he bought a PS3 when i was pregnant and he stopped going drinking. We have a 1 year old together, he left me at the hospital when our son was 2 hours old! after an emergency c section to go play the game! eventually he sold the ps3 and life was good again until just before christmas he came home with the dreaded xbox ! since then he has been impossible! he lost his job so doesnt do anything all day whilst im out at work, all i ask him to do is wash up which he generally doesnt do so i get home and cook/clean and look after our son, take him to nursery, pick him up. My day starts at 5:30am, like today im so run down atm I asked him last night if i could have a sleep in, he did the yeah yeah...NOPE! i asked him for 50mins to get up this morning, he wasnt having none of it! He didnt come to bed until 6am from being on his game all night. im lucky to see him out of bed before 3pm sometimes hes still in bed when i get home from work! My weekends involve deep cleaning the house because he wont do anything in the week and even then i have to treat him like a kid and give him a chore chart and nag him to do it! He gets so defensive and often calls me names like controlling when i ask him to come off the game, ive tried to compromise with him saying 1 night a week watch a movie with me but its always another excuse why that night isnt possible like they've just updated something or his friend has asked him to help! The very rare night he does come to bed he expects sex and if i give in he then goes 'im just of on my game for a bit' so i feel used! hes due to start a new job this friday but today when speaking to him about not letting me sleep in today he said 'well i wanted to make the most of the game before i start work' it upset me that he valued his game over giving me a simple treat once in a while. When he is awake he sits on his xbox in the other room so im cleaning whilst looking after our son. Its costing us a lot in electricity to keep it on all night with the lights as well so i had to take on more hours at work to cover it so we didnt get into debt but he says 'i bet u just sit around at work all day' im a carer! When the nursery has been shut and he had to look after our son ive come home and hes still been on his xbox with our son either in his high chair, in his cot, playing on his own somewhere or sat on his knee whilst hes playing the game! I would have left by now but i have no where else to go and he wont move out

I'm so sorry to read what you're going through! Is there any family you can talk to about this or move in with? I'm so relieved to see how many ladies can relate to me but I'm also sad about the number of men who are sucked into gaming. It's frustrating and annoying!

I'm at this junction too. We have been married 10 years, we have 3 beautiful boys, and my husband will always pick the xbox over us. I guess I knew it from the beginning. The day we found out we were expecting our first child I took the test alone because he didn't want to leave the game to wait in the bathroom. When it came up positive and I came in to tell him, he never took his eyes off the screen, he just said that's cool. That was 11 years ago. He has lost job after job because of being late, and he is always late because he stays up late playing games. His kids have suffered emotionally due to him choosing the games over them right to there faces. We tried playing the games with him, I tried talking to him and telling him how it makes me feel, his kids have told him how it makes them feel, I begged him to go to counseling and offered to go with him, nothing has worked. Over the years I have broken 3 xbox consoles, left him twice, gotten the divorce papers and signed them, but every time he begs me not to leave and swears he will change. It's not even just the games tho, he has cheated 3 times that I am aware of and constantly tells me he is extremely sorry about it, regrets it and its just a guy thing and has no reflection of his love for us. To an extent I believe that because I really don't "put out" like normal healthy wives do because I don't feel the connection there anymore and its hard to physically open up to him with all these unhappy, emotionally alone, neglected feelings inside. I love him so much. We have been together for 15 years and the only time I can remember him not choosing games over everything else is maybe the first 3 years we were together when we were still in high school. I have no idea what to do. I know he loves all of us to the moon and back, but I also know none of us will ever be more important than a video game or other things that plug into the wall. The damage its caused me and my children inside will take years to fix. I'm afraid to see a counselor on my own because I feel like I already know what's going to be said and I'm ashamed I haven't left already. I just feel like with the right help things could get better, but I also feel like we have been here so long that things getting better may not be enough anymore. Just at a junction.

Hey I'm 22 year old f and my bf of 7 years is doing the exact same thing every night. On 3 nights of the week he comes to bed and the rest I'm alone. He keeps saying he will delete his account but never does. What do I do?

I've just been reading everyone's comments, it's so sad reading them all. My husband met a girl online (we'd only been married 5 months!) he started playing in a lobby together and then had private chats and swapped numbers. The messages soon became sexual and she was sending him pictures of her bits etc. to this day it makes me feel sick, when I found him out, he smashed his phone up on my face so I'd never be able to see what was said between them Though he didn't physically cheat I'm still heartbroken. all that trust destroyed so early on in the marriage. It was so out of character for him but he has apologised. But even when he plays now, I still worry- the amount it plays in there, it's no wonder he met someone! I don't know if I can carry on being in this relationship due to his complete reluctance to reduce the time he spends on there...I just want one evening a week where he has a break, but obviously asking too much!

I am here in the same situation, the worst part for me is we just have a litle baby of 9 months and he prefer play a stupic game call Vega conflict from a stupic web site call Kixeye that playing with our baby. I feel like i am a single mother.

This is what I worry about but I love him too much to leave :(

I'm right there with u my husband plays for hours I beg him to just even watch a movie with me if its a good night at 1 or 2 in the more he will spend an hour with me then fall asleep he wants me to stay up thhat late when we have two kids I have to take care of in the morning but I'm controlling I'm the bad Guy according to my husband

I hate computer games and video games too!!! I hate how my husband is so addicted to them he'll do bad in his exams or fail to hand in assignments (he's a mature student) because he was playing his stupid games instead of studying (or watching videos of other people playing games on youtube). I'm paying his university fees so he's wasting my damn money and he doesn't seem to care, I hate it, his behaviour makes me hate him and makes me think about leaving him every time I see him on the stupid game again. He sits indoors on sunny days with the curtains closed like a vampire, he even takes the laptop into the toilet with him.

I'm also religious, and when we first married he was too, but now he's not into religion at all, he's rather play games or watch videos when it's time to pray. Marrying someone religious was one of the most important things to me when we got married and he knew that, so I feel like he deceived me and he was just pretending to be religious to impress me.

His behaviour means it's hard for me to respect him, or keep loving him or want him physically anymore. I can't trust him to get anything done. I wish he would change because we have a baby son and he is a good father to him (one thing he actually is good at!). I don't want to leave him, I want him to be the person I married... but maybe that person was just in my imagination... =(

This will end up being the same guy on here venting because his wife cheated on him. If you can't do it with your wife, don't do it more than you spend time with your wife the way I see it. Me AND my wife enjoy video games from time to time, but I make sure we do things together as a couple. I would never pick a damn game system over another person. That's just dumb as hell.

The worst thing is when you're laying in bed crying and he's too busy playing xbox to even notice :/

Thanks for making me feel like some one else knows. And I'm sorry we are both hurting because those silly ***** are obsessed :(

Been the there

I am in the same boat. There are days i just want to take the xbox out in the street and run over the dang thing. My husband has named his xbox "beth" i have thought about just packing up the kids and leaving but the sad thing is where will i go? I cant take care of three teenage kids without his income. He spends all his time on that stupid game then expects me to be able to come to bed and have sex with him, or as he calls it making love please its just sex because it is expected. I am so tired of being alone. Teenagers learn by examples and boy is he sitting a good one.... I am so sick of life its not even funny.

I know the feeling :/ used.
He won't listen to you and so as you want for him to spend time with you, but he can bend everything to his advantage so he gets to play xbox and gets sex from you..
it's really sad you mentioned teenage kids aswel, He must be older then, (not saying you are old just older than the usual gamer),
I think you should leave, It takes quite a bit for a guy to open there eyes and come into reality

I feel exactly the same! Yesterday did it for me, we both had the day so could of done something nice like lunch or just walk the dog whilst our girls were at school but no had to watch him on Xbox all day chatting to his mates!! I felt physically sick the only time he sort of talks is if I instigate conversation and I'm fed up of it, I feel so alone! We have two beautiful daughters and he can't even ask how their day has been it repulses me, I can't talk to him about it as he turns it on me starts with verbal abuse! I feel like Ive had it but feel scared to leave where would we go, financially? but surely to have nothing would be better than this! He says I don't pay him enough attention...joke!! I can't bl@@dy get near him!

I feel your frustration...everyday after work and week-ends. At least you're still getting sex! Right now you see sex/making love as a negative...wait until XBOX also consumes that part of your life!

Well I am going through the same thing. I asked my husband for "designated play time" and while it seems sad we would have to ask for this, the sad news is. It doesn't work. You give an inch they take a mile every time. I wish there was something that all of us women could do about the Video Game addicted husbands.

I text him this link in hopes he'll read it.. Yea it's midnight I'm in bed alone.. Again.. He's next door but he gets all annoyed when I go in to talk f2f because his little teeny bopper friends can hear him. If he doesn't change I'm leaving

you are not alone! my husband does the same thing. every second he is not sleeping or working he is on his damn computer playing video games. he wont even eat dinner with me he just wants me to bring it to him while he plays. if i dare ask him to get of it is a huge fight. he wont even speak to me when he is on that damn thing. i have empathy for you because i know it can drive you crazy. it makes me feel like he loves his computer more than me.<br><br />
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i think if you can you sould leave because he is selfish and most likely doesnt care about your realationship anymore<br><br />
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i wish you luck

It's ironic that it's a 'husband' and not a boyfriend, There doesn't seem to be an age where they actually grow up :/ and realize the damn game isn't real

My husband can't snap back to reality when I'm throwing dishes at him because he's upsetting me by the way he's talking to me if I interrupt his game.

I am crystal swans bf I am nothing like these people I have a job other hobbies apart from the xbox although I do admit that I do play it a lot but nothing to the extent to what I've been portrayed as I'm actually cut up so to speak because people like you are telling my partner that I don't care about our relationship wtf would you know and how dare you pass on judgement like that I'm not like any of your husbands I spend time with my partner I'm not on the Xbox all the time I have difficulty sleeping some nights so instead of staring into complete darkness for hours on end ill play a bit of Xbox just so I'm not bored I finished work at 10 tonight right so i need to wind down before I head to bed oh btw I don't do this every night either in fact there are seldom nights that I don't come to bed. Look unfortunately you're husbands and partners are sick but I'm not if I had kids and I had to give up the xbox I would in a heartbeat I would choose another one of my hobbies eg guitar vocals art working on my book etc because

I bought my husband his Xbox and quickly realized he was talking to 15 year old boys playing Halo online more than he was spending time with me...so I learned how to play. I got really good and kicked his *** so much that he doesn't like to play anymore. It felt so good to T-bag him.

How did the plan go? Did he actually start spending time with you? My husband comes home after work and plays all night, except when he watches tv, then all weekend. 30 hours or more every week. He will not take one day off and totally ignores his 7 mo. son and our marriage and expects everything in our relationship to be great without putting any effort into it! It's not always the X-box, though. Now he plays computer games. If it's not one game, it's another and it has only gotten worse over the 4 years we have been together. <br />
And he says that he's not addicted and gets so defensive. I hate it when he gets "sick" and stays home during the week to play. I love it when he is gone. I just wish he would work more.

I am the same as well at least ur husband works, well mine doesnt so he's on that xbox 24hrs, I really hate him, i am sick of him, he has no money, is an alcoholic, and we live with his parents in a room in a B&B, im currently studying and have to work at the same time, hes always wanting money, i just want to get rid of him, he makes me sick. I know the feeling and they just don't realise. I hate the xbox

I tried something new last night... I asked him if he would consider playing on designated nights and dedicate at least 2 nights a week for us time... I hope this works :(