My Family Life Has Been Ruined By My In-laws

I got married seven years back. In the beginning life was blissful. Since this was a new country to my wife, after our marriage-we went places, I tried my best  to get her maximum exposure and learning. I promoted her every wish and let her have full control of my life as well. I no longer operated my bank accounts, all money matters, and anything that was bought , it was after her consent. My parents loved her more as a daughter than daughter-in-law. As years passed by she became more acclimatized to the ways here, and after a couple of jobs in startup companies she finally landed up  a comfortable job  in a reputable organization. By this time we were blessed with 2 beautiful kids. At this stage my in-laws visited us. I welcomed them wholeheartedly thinking it would please my wife. However, I soon found out that my Father-in-law is slowly dominating my household. He started pointing faults in me and even in our trivial husband-wife differences, he started accusing and belittling me. In a few months , he had conditioned my wife's mind so much that he started saying openly that I am a worthless man and since his daughter was earning almost as much as me , I better not expect any respect from her as granted. By second month of their stay, I was out of my bedroom & sleeping on my living-room sofa as he convinced my wife that my snoring would jeopardize her health. With time the atmosphere was so vitiated that my wife openly bad-mouthed my parents who would so dearly call up once in a while and bless her. She stopped picking their phone. My mother-in-law played her part by reinforcing negative feelings about me and my family at the same time telling her that She should always remember that her father , mother and sisters are her real family and not get too involved with me & my family. Things boiled so hot that one day I asked them to pack their bag and get out off my house, I bought their next day air-ticket and set them-off. With their ego-bruised , acting hurt , they tried at the last moment , to influence my wife to get a divorce.

Now they are out of my house but still are remotely controlling the strings. Almost everyday they chat on Skype with her for hours ensuring that the influence is persisted and that she does not drift towards my family. My wife openly told my parents that they better not expect any respect from her, and also to her - only priority is her mom and dad. I am not the priority in her life. Now I am in a catch 22 situation. I do not want to lose her, however I have no worth in her eyes. Everyday she passes sarcastic remarks but I swallow it , as I look at the face of my two precious gems and think how their life would become if we got separated due to short sightedness of her and her parents.

Has anyone been through such travails as well. Would love to hear how you responded to such a situation.

alexer123 alexer123
36-40, M
2 Responses Feb 7, 2010

You sound like a reasonable man in an unreasonable situation. Counseling is a must to continue your marriage. Allowing you wife to say belittling things to you will only make her stronger and more disgusted by your lack of confidence. Keep you in laws at bay and let your wife know that in the event of a Divorce you will seek custody of the children too. Hopefully, this can be turned around with counseling. But you must stand up for yourself in front of your wife. You did the right thing having her parents leave. Is she being mean to your parents as revenge for sending her parents away? Counseling, counseling, get a good one too!

Long story dude.You expect a shrink to read that. That's the way the cookie crumbles. 50% of divorce cases are because of dangerous obsession or intervention of in-laws. <br />
BTW whats up with u , an outsider throws u out of ur bedroom, calls u worthless in ur home and stands in between u n ur wife. Either your wife doesn't love you at all and u holding on to thin air.Or u a dreamer. Neway ur FIL is a *****., control freak ... don't let him in ur home.. and things would turn out fine. BOLuck.