I Hate My Inlaws

My Inlaws Are Stingy Misers

By: dealingwithmartians

Written on December 9th, 2011

I just realized I hate my inlaws. I've been married almost 6 years. From the beginning I knew my FIL was a self absorbed ******* and that my MIL was an unemotional clueless aloof doormat, but they can be both generally nice, so whatever they did that pissed me off I would try to forget because my husband is a good guy and father and I did want to cause family drama.

I lost my job in May 2011. I made 2/3's of the annual income and I have two kids under 5. My severance was running out in November and I had warned my husband that when that happened he would have to make the decision to hit our retirement accounts OR reach out to his father (who has a net worth of about 2 to 5 million dollars with no debt as he constantly reminds everyone) for help on the monthly mortgage beginning in December.

Well, my husband has never used his family connections (his uncle is rich too) to either further his career or for anything else, and this was the first time that he was going to ask his father for anything in his 41 year old life. My husband is one of two brothers, the other brother I think receives money from time to time, but I can't confirm and in any event my FIL is cheap so it could not have been much money over the years. In addition, my FIL did not have to pay for my husband's college education because he got a full sports scholarship.

Ok, so my husband asks for the money (5K monthly) for five or six months until I get a job and my FIL proceeds to tell him that the loan will be conditioned on us working with a financial advisor. I was like "what?"". How can you condition a loan to your son in these economic times when I lost my job due to no fault of mine? I complied to be cooperative and because I sincerely appreciated the loan.

So, these past several weeks we have sent in the last 2 years of tax returns, the home insurance declaration page, pre-job loss and post-job loss cash flow statements, mortgage statements, home tax rates etc. The financial advisor then tells me that he will need our individual credit reports. I hit the roof. Wow. What an obnoxious, invasive request. What is my FIL, the FBI? He's worse than a bank. I was so offended that we are not going down to their home for Christmas (waterfront on a golf course) and am thinking of separating from my husband who always takes their side. He is not offended and does not see anything wrong with this.

In the course of my marriage and pre-marriage relationship with my husband I have worked fulltime. Never asked anyone for help. I help my family, made double what my husband made, own two other properties in conjunction with my siblings and have been independent. Never asked my inlaws for money. I paid for most of the wedding.

I don't want to be associated with these people anymore.

Help.

By: dealingwithmartians

Age: 41-45

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7 responses

GrapeBerry

I feel for you truly, but I personally would rather downsize and even lose the home rather than ask for one cent from my in laws. Mine have lots of wealth too, but I don't want to ever feel like I owe them anything. They are the type that would dangle that over my head especially the we owe them big time.

Right as I type this my husband and I are turning to getting rid of everything that is not needed in our big home. Paring down to what fits into a 3 bedroom apartment and selling our home. Even if it means taking out a small loan to pay for the loss. I prefer that over asking them for any monies. I know we will be happy as long as we are together and all the stuff doesn't always bring happiness with it.

I feel that parents should do what is good to help the kids especially if they won't miss the funds, but if they are unwilling or put unrealistic expectations on you then that is their choice.

Mar 27, 2012
1 like
GrapeBerry

I feel for you truly, but I personally would rather downsize and even lose the home rather than ask for one cent from my in laws. Mine have lots of wealth too, but I don't want to ever feel like I owe them anything. They are the type that would dangle that over my head especially the we owe them big time.

Right as I type this my husband and I are turning to getting rid of everything that is not needed in our big home. Paring down to what fits into a 3 bedroom apartment and selling our home. Even if it means taking out a small loan to pay for the loss. I prefer that over asking them for any monies. I know we will be happy as long as we are together and all the stuff doesn't always bring happiness with it.

I feel that parents should do what is good to help the kids especially if they won't miss the funds, but if they are unwilling or put unrealistic expectations on you then that is their choice.

Mar 27, 2012
1 like
Cloudygirl9

I feel your pain. Having to ask IL's for anything is the worst feeling ever.

Feb 25, 2012
1 like
TheLonelyVag

wait a minute?! Just because your IL's are well off doesnt mean they owe you or your husband anything. There are many things you could have done to avoid having to borrow money in the first place. You could have saved for a "rainy" day, put your house on the market and downsized, lived within your means, etc.

I think that your FIL has every right to ask you for whatever he wants since you are borrowing his money. Punishing your husband because your angry isnt fair. I think you are being selfish.

Not judging, just sayin'.

Jan 7, 2012
1 like
- dealingwithmartians
  You are right, they did not "owe" us anything, but in my opinion, you must do what you can for your family, especially your children and especially if they are hardworking, respectful and good children like my husband has been. I am teaching my children to respect the bonds of family, as I have done throughout my whole life. My inlaws are disgusting and soul-less self-absored people, but karma is a *****. They wasted a valuable opportunity to be self-less and when my children are big enough to understand this they will know what their grandparents did. I have cut them off.
  
  Jan 18, 2012
  1 like
- jyheart
  As I read this post I couldn't help but put myself in her, 'dealingwithmartians', shoes. I also tried to put myself in her fil's shoes. If I was worth that amount of money and had a very responsible son(come on...you know if your children are responsible or not), who needed some help getting through a temporary financial tough time(and it wouldn't cause me any financial setback PLUS it's a loan so they are going to pay it back anyhow)...I would feel very selfish for making them do anything more than agreeing to 'our' own verbal terms and sealing the deal with a handshake or a big hug.
  But that's just what I would do as his parent.
  Not judging, just sayin'.
  
  Apr 9, 2012
  1 like
TELLYM

that is really bad, its terrible but, you are not the only one in that situation with your monsters in law, but since you been helping you husband and he is the man, and we are talking about his parents, he is that one who have to resolve the money situation, because i think that all that drama with credit report is just because they want make you responsible for the money, cause in case that you husband dont pay, you tell me what your in laws can do to you husband, who is their son. send him to jail?. Not .

So. just let him behave like a man and support his family because you already help him a lot, and gave him two beautiful kids; let him deal with his parents and keep yourself far from those @#$%^&**in laws.

Dec 10, 2011
1 like

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