I Can't Stand Them Anymore

I have been with my husband for 17 years now and married for 14 of it. From day one his mother had put judgement on me and basically blackballing me to her whole family. Well as the years have gone by and husdand's siblings have grown they have turned out like their mother (of course who else would they turn out like?). And supposedly MIL had opened her heart to me, she has been nice enough to me here and there and I thought that we were making progress...blah, blah, blah....Then when FIL got ill with struggling with Leukemia she changed a bit. At the time that FIL was ill I had my first son and became very concerned with what medicines or anything I put in my body due to I was breastfeeding my son. So I sort of became the family pharmacist, even my own mom would call me every time her doctors put her on new medicine to make sure the meds still worked together. Luckily for my mom we caught a couple of her new meds that were basically red flags. So anyway FIL was always given different meds for one thing or another and he had started calling me on what the med was, side effects, and what it was for. Well it got to the point MIL had started calling & telling me to not give him any info anymore cause she was tired of him being sick and 'over-reacting' with the side effects. She started covering the labels and would just tell him 'this is what the doctor prescribed and tell him to take it no matter what the med was'. Well golly the poor man had Leukemia and his body was struggliing to heal itself and couldn't and he was still working a fulltime job (MIL worked part-time too) and fitting in chemo and going in for the hospital to thin out his white blood cells. Anyway FIL ended up passing away in Spring of 1999. Well MIL had used his insurance money to buy a house and added extras and then ended up selling it in time before her 2nd bankruptcy was final. MIL has always struggled financially living beyond her means, and seemed jealous of us because we were able to survive on the same wage as her husband with me staying at home raising our kids and we had bought our house. We always had money to do things cause I didn't shop. I just put money away for the rainy days or whatever.

So to fast forward, we had decided to leave CA and moved to Montana in summer 2007. I know a big change. But we had planned to sell our house in CA and be able to pay off any debt we had and most of our mortgage in here in Montana. Well sadly the odds were against us. Our house was in escrow twice and first buyers backed out cause they couldn't agree on what loan they wanted and second buyers couldn't come up with the 20% down that banks were asking for. So we had to give house back and declare bankruptcy for the first time ever. So while living here in Montana the MIL & SIL ended up moving in with us. Well from day one SIL's dogs have pooped & peed all over my house and hasn't even bothered training them in any way. MIL doesn't believe in training the dogs because she claims they are stubborn and head strong, that you can not train dachshunds. Bullshit! My son has the puppy (8 months old now) of those dachshunds and she is housebroken, she doesn't bark, and my son (mind you he is 14) has trained her to put her toys away. And this about killed me: I have had dogs for most of my life so I have trained all of my dogs when they are inside they know what toys are theirs and what toys are off limits. Basically dogs are not supposed to chew on any of my kids things. But when IL's dogs came MIL had the nerve to tell my kids if their toys are on the floor they are fair game for her dogs. I was like 'Hell NO' and even hubby was like 'what the F!' So dogs are really SIL cause she paid for them but MIL keeps them in her room because that is where the dog's kennels are. I told SIL that MIL is in the wrong and showed SIL how to train her dogs to know the difference. SIL told MIL that she was in the wrong and not to say that again and start teaching the dogs too. 

ILs are always claiming it is bad for their dogs to go up and down stairs or to jump up & down on furniture. But they let the dogs jump everywhere and especially on MIL bed which is pretty tall. Anyway even after the female dog hurt her back from jumping off the bed they still let her do it.

Anyway my issue is MIL is very difficult to live with and now SIL is turning out like her mother. Ungrateful, selfish, unrespectful people. Actually all of husband's sisters are backstabbing. I had thought that they grew up and I could maybe get some support from them on how to deal with their mom living with us. Well of course that ended up going against me, because soon as I called them for advice they would turn around and call their mother to tell her what I said. Nice huh??? So now that it has been 15 months of hell and they are on a waiting list for Section 8 housing, they are slowly packing up their stuff. Well this is another of my issues: SIL has a good paying job and we had told her she can pay us rent of $200 a month. But since we are in a financial bind of paying for everything and MIL doesn't help out. MIL & SIL both have jobs...SIL brags about all the overtime she gets and is putting it away for her car, well I am sick of hearing about it cause our electrical bill has skyrocketed to $350+ last month and I think part of that is due to MIL loves leaving her lights on and SIL was using a spaceheater in the apartment when we already have electric baseboards on taking the chill out of the air. I am to the point if she mentions her overtime again I will mention she can help pitch in more. I am so sick of husband's family taking advantage of us. We are struggling to pay for everything and raise 4 kids and here they are buying what they want to buy and hoarding food in their rooms and labeling all of their stuff (and actually they have packed and labeled some of my stuff) thinking I am going to claim their stuff. Now why the Hell would I want any of their ****?? I have my own stuff I like if not love. I am so tired of their selfishness!

Now this might seem evil of me:

I still have some stuff in MIL room, like some stuff in closet and my fax machine in a corner of her room and some extra bathroom stuff in drawers in bathroom. So every so often I will need to go in her room. Anyway one day I had to use my fax machine and of course I glanced around her room just amazed on how much **** she has crammed in it. So I noticed this little binder that she had decorated. LOL it was her journal, of course my curiosity was perked so I opened it and glanced through to find out what things she had said about me. Surprisingly but not really, she had claimed that she doesn't do anything wrong and she doesn't understand why I hate her. Well gee whiz....hmmm let me think... So anyway she even wrote a 'pity me thing' in there by saying that know matter what she does or doesn't do, I am always upset with her and she wants God to take her so she can be back with her husband and mother, since they are the only ones that have ever loved her. I am about to vomit over this crap...So wow I made sure I closed it back up and left her room and closed the door.

Yesterday I made some copies of quilt patterns from my book and my copier is up in the apartment, I know very confusing about where my stuff is. So anyway I glanced around at SIL desk area and noticed she had made labels with her name on them for her stuff. So I was like what the heck is she trying to label when no one likes her movies, They are all chick-flicks. So I went into her room to look at her movies to make sure she didn't take mine again. No worries SIL is a total slob, bed unmade, clothes all over the floor, a pig sty. So she had shoved her movie rack into her closet to hide her movies, I was like whatever. and then I noticed her journal sitting next to her bed. So I was like hmmm...so I flipped through and found a letter written to me about how she doesn't understand why I have such anger with her mom and that it is ridiculous to her. Well of course it seems ridiculous to her because she is just like her mom. So I put that back exactly how it was and left her room to check out my boys room (half of a pigsty). So when I was passing SIL desk again I noticed she had her spaceheater under there and thought uh-huh that is probably why the electricity went up and of course she is not willing to help pitch in. So nice life I have so far....

I want time to fastforward to when both MIL & SIL move out and I am building my fence this Spring and putting locking gates at my driveways and I don't want anything to do with them again. All his family is are backstabbing selfish ingrates!!

Don't I have a right to protect myself and my kids from these kind of people?? I still don't understand what I did to deserve this kind of crap from them. Why do I try to be the nice 'guy' and open my heart to them to get continually stomped on??Am I wrong in how I feel? My husband is so ready for his family to be gone too and he just nicely tells me soon it will be over and we will have our life back...

goingnumb goingnumb
36-40, F
5 Responses Jan 31, 2009

I used to get along okay with my brother in law until I turned down an invitation to go to his son's bachelor party where a ******** was scheduled to be. I didn't want my wife to be upset but now he thinks I am being controlled

Isn't it ALWAYS the mother and sister/s. I describe mine as witches standing around a cauldron stirring up trouble. And I'm amazed to hear the same things I've been feeling with mine...they are SO self-centered and ungrateful for anything that's been done for them. It makes it worse when your husband doesn't really see the problem, and many times thinks that you're just seeing things the wrong way. I've had times when the situation has affected me physically from the stress. I think they live for the drama and the crap...I can't stand them and refuse to have anything to do with them.

I too have EVIL IL's! I feel your pain. When they move out you will slowly get your life back. My H and I have recently diowned all of his family. They all are jealous freaks! I am so glad that I don't have to make excuses not to go to their house anymore.

Evil MIL! It is amazing how much your SIL is like mine. Total slob, hypocondriac (sp?) looking for sympathy ALL THE TIME! I have a niece on my husband's side who is actually worse than the the two of them. Shop-aholic hoarder who thinks just because she lost about 100 lbs she is the hottest woman in the world and guess what? She isn't , over-tanning has mottled her skin and although she is in her mid-thirties she looks 10 years older. Basically, she looks like a carcature.

My husband and I have been together for 30 years and I also hate my in-laws, but hate his mother and sister the most. <br />
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Hating you from day one? Well, from day one, my husband's mother and sister did everything they could to try and get my husband to go back to his STALKER X! I didn't even meet him until after she cheated on, and dumped him--for another man, no less! Well, after that didn't work out, she's been trying to get my husband back ever since, with HIS family's support and assistance! And as far as they're concerned, I'M the only thing standing in the way! They've even flat-out accused me of being "selfish" for not stepping aside! He's told them he's not interested, even stopped talking to them--for years on end! Then they pretend to apologize, promising never to do it again! But that's just to get us to talk to them, so they con us into trusting them, only to betray that trust again, and again, and again! <br />
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My MIL died last year, but the damage she did can never be repaired. No one in my husband's family is welcome any longer in our home, or in our lives.