My Job Sucks

My job sucks. Some may say that i am lucky to even have a job...yah yah...what ever. I work with death all the time. It is to the point of where i can't even think of something pleasant for a second without a vision of death coming into my mind. I dream of death. I wonder if maybe i am already dead. I think often of how it would feel to be dead or to know that you only have so long to live. I work with alot of elderly people and i think why are they still alive when so many young active members of society are dead. What is it about these people that they should live to be such an old age. Is that a blessing or is it a curse? I'm not sure. Some of these people are not in their right minds. Just burdens to their family. Some are sweet kind gental souls and constantly in pain. The doctors say there is nothing more that can be done for them. So there they sit. WHY??? What would be the purpose of all this suffering? I hate to see it. It consumes me. It drains me. It is slowly killing me. HELP!!!!Maybe i should quit this job that takes all my time away from what should be my life. I don't know. I can't handle much more of the anxiety and panic attacks. I feel that i do make a difference in the lives of these people. I try to make them feel safe, cared for, and happy even if only for a moment that i am there.  But is that worth killing my spirit. What should i do? Do I think of them or of myself?  
moonfairy moonfairy
31-35, F
7 Responses Jul 16, 2007

Get out of that while you can. The human mind is like a computer. All that comes out of it is a cross dot product of all that has ever gone into it. At some point the negative bad stuff will outweigh the good stuff and you’ll become somebody you hate. Find a job where you can take care of people who aren’t dying and sick. My kid and I both are thinking of services. She’s great with people and computers; so a help desk job along with a part time job serving those little trial samples of food at the local store will pay bills and be satisfying. I was thinking of baking, or training to the hospitalityindustry . Let somebody else take my spot with the old people with dementia and all the really bad communicable diseases. It just doesn’t bother some people; it does bother us. Were with you and are rooting for you.

I work with the edlerly as well and know how you feel. It comes a time when you have to think about yourself first. Burnout is a strong force in our jobs and can cause depression. If you feel as if you are going under. please take some time off and just take care of yourself. As healthcare workers we are gulity of not taking care of the me factor. putting everyone ahead of ourselves. but trust me after 15 years in this field. I'm feeling the pain and see the value of being selfish if only for a day.

Hey, <br />
<br />
I struggled with not know what to do in my life for the past three years. I am quite educated, but after finishing school I was completely unsatisfied with all the work opportunities that lay in front of me. You see, I studies international development, (basically the non-profit sector) and most jobs in this area are incredibly low paying and most of the time you work in terrible conditions. But I really wanted to still help the charities I was passionate about, and make a difference in the world. Well- my husband discovered a business that we could engage in that allowed us to work from home, and help other people start their own businesses and overcome the obstacles in their lives. The business has an incredible compensation plan and today we are able to be self-employed! Best of all we have the time and money to spend time together and enjoy life.<br />
This business saves peoples lives, and I feel so happy and grateful that it has touched mine! AND I make so much money from this business that I can donate significant chunks to the organizations I care about, and I know that this money is put to good use.<br />
Please contact me if you want to look into this business as well, I highly suggest it. It is a great way to enhance your lifestyle, earn more money and be able to give more of your time and money to those you care about.<br />
My email address is: sustainableabundance@gmail.com<br />
hope to hear from you :)<br />
Bonnie

I have a similar sentiment; fuming that I accepted a position that now compromises what I believe is right and fair for people. I work for a healthcare insurance company and frankly, all I want is to get out. The company is already sending emails to employees to join the "national trade association in Washington D.C., America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP), to create a nationwide grassroots movement to make our voice heard in the federal health reform debate." - how pat. AHIP's so-called reform proposals do nothing to protect our health and everything to protect insurance company profits. I don't know what this company's mission stands for anymore other than corporate wealth and the employer groups continue to pay skyrocketing premiums for less than mediocre coverage.Never mind the individual uninsured... Sorry, but I'm so disgusted with my association with this company that I'm going to look for another job that doesn't compromise my personal values.

moonfairie it sounds like you have the same troubles I do on the job. In my case it isn't the caring for others that wears me out. It is the UNcaring corporate health care system in which we find ourselves. I cut back my hours to 32 from 40. It helped for awhile. Now I'm looking at ways to get myself down to less by next year about this time. I use my sick time when I'm sick of work and do not feel a bit guilty doing so. My patients are better off without me when I can't stand it.

If you have other options for work why not explore them. This job is causing you a lot of unhappiness. It sounds like it is not the right job for you. If you can make a change, do it! Those are my thoughts....

It sounds like you have a very emotionally demanding job. I hope you can work out a resolution, perhaps there is someone you could work with that could help? Good Luck.