I Hate Being A Bureaucrat



I have a B.S. degree in the U.S. which is really worthless, other than being a requisite to compete for an entry level job in this bad market. I work in a government position that I'm actually pretty good at, but I really hate it for numerous reasons. The pay sucks and some of my coworkers make the job hell more difficult than needs be, but I've been hungry and homeless so it's a step up from that. However, having been hungry and homeless puts me in a unique position; I know what I risk if I tell the job to **** off. I did just that a few years ago (for reasons not job related) and it ended not so well.

My frustration is that I want to do something myself, but I lack the skills or knowledge. Ever been smart enough to know you're missing out on something but not smart enough to go get it. That's me. I keep trying though. I've quit this job once before and came back to it (that was difficult, especially with a pay cut), but I needed the money and freakish enough management isn't that bad. Yes you heard me. Management is actually okay; like I said before it's the coworkers that make the job hell sometimes.

Why do I need the money? I am a slave or at least an indentured servant. I owe the U.S. government student loans (over $70k since my parents didn't pay for my college) that will likely take 30 years to pay back and at my current wage of about $35k. I can expect my salary to increase to around $45k in about 10 years if I were to stay where I am. I strongly think I deserve more, but I can't seem to find an employer willing to pay someone with a B.S. degree over $40k, let alone a government employer in this job market. For that matter I don't know that I want an employer. I want to be self employed, but I recently discovered some qualities about my self that hurt such an enterprise. I am not a salesman and am overly analytic. Also have you ever tried saving money when you pay out over $600 a month on student loans? Then add living expenses, and I live cheap to maximize my savings. 

I am not happy where I am. I am trying to change where I am though. I am thinking, critically thinking, about what I really want, to do, to be, how to achieve it, and more. I've done this before several times and failed miserably. I've been a co-owner of one company and V.P. in another only to watch them fail, but for some reason I keep trying. I do know I have passion and drive; those are qualities I do not lack. Perhaps I'm insane and don't know when to give up. Perhaps I'll never make my dream a reality, but I'll die trying because the goal is to be free.

lockpick lockpick
31-35, M
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

YAAAY!!! This is what I do...maybe it will help you. I hope it will. love soup.2. I love deep soaks in the tub, dailey. 3. I think you should greet every creature, plant, situation and Day with a smile every time it is at all possible. 4. You should be true to the Creator - not Society/or the public. 5. I believe you should keep the Breath of Life & Love sacred and safe inside the temple of your body. 6. Change is a very good thing for us all, And do not give your whole being over to anyone except the Creator, he is your only true protector** 7. Do not kill any living thing with the life blood flowing thru its viens. 8. Please learn to Love yourself from the inside out not the outside in!!***And make sure we protect the Earth in every way*** YAAY!!! Blessings, livingwell