Nothing Ever Works Out

I really try to be positive and try to make my life what I want it.  For everything that goes my way, ten others dont.  Its hard not to just say f it and give up...but I have 4 children who count on me.  I am so unhappy most of the time and hate for them to see my like that...so I try to fake it.  Lets see...after a ridiculously loveless marriage and divorce, I thought things were looking up and for a while thigs were pretty good...I was getting back on my feet and having fun.  Then, stupid me(thus "stupidgirl1000) got into a relationship with what turned out to be the worst mistake of my life...He seemed charming and loving and exciting...He was a felon, lyer, cheat, theif, manipulator, abusive, controlling, crazy, scary person.  Was trapped for five years during which he brought me to my knees financially, ruined my self esteem and hope of trusting someone.  Did have a child with him(now 4 kids !)  Finially got away and owe tons of money he wont help with, he wont pay child support, he took me to court to try to get our boy(haha), he stalks me, harrasses and threatens,had to get a restraining order, get a lawyer(money???)I had to move again because my landlord is a lier, had to file for bankruptcy, but am still broke, am losing child care assistance and dont have childcare.  I started dating this man who seemed wonderful and maybe still is, but now things are uncertain...I swear HE has PMS...Just ONE time...can anything go OK...new house Im renting, the AA/C works for ****, landlord is dragging his feet...last energy bill was $400!!!my breaks are squeaking, I feel like ****, even though I quit smoking 6 months ago...I totally would start again if I could afford it.  Ive gained, like 10 pounds and it wont budge!!!  Doing everything right with diet and exercise and still feel like ****.  Doctor says all my labs are good, no medical reason.  My daughter is running with the "wrong crowd"  nothing major yet, but worried...One of my boys is over weight and cant seem to get it under control..on and on and on and on...Just ONE DAMN day, can I have without someone crapping on me????????
stupidgirl1000 stupidgirl1000
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 13, 2010

I am living a loveless marriage for 41 YEARS! Feeling so stupid but it is too late. How could it happen? Married a virgin and when lost virginity thought it was the end of the world. That's why I got married. I believe I was brought up as an idiot! Then 10 years and immigration. During first 10 years in NY 4 of my family members died. One year later son get married and they have an autistic son. My husband gets Alzheimer's. I see no way out. May be it is a punishment for loveless marriage?

Well..... I shouldn't say this anywhere but it is very likely that I will kill myself.... Nothing I do works out... I have the worst luck, everything I do is wrong. Even if I were playing a video game I am always on the losing side. If I am studying and thought I did really well it a test, chances are I failed it or flunked it. Everyone makes fun of me, I am not overweight.... not too short but 5ft 7inch and am 17.... in my horoscope it is said that after I turn 17 my troubles will end, on the internet my death calculator says I will die when I am 17.... I am not an idiot but from these really rare probabilities it seems as though I am meant to die, either from someone else's hand or myself.... I am starting to get mentally unstable as well... I lose concentration, I get angry/ depressed really fast. I don't know what to do..... I am not smart either, right now I don't know what to do.......

I'm right there with ya. It always seems like the good women end up with the ********, and the good guys end up with the *******. :o) Don't lose sight of your kids, but after they're in bed you probably need to do some debt reduction to eliminate some of the stress. Cut out (or down) the cable bill, see if your phone company has any kind of package deal. I cut out $70/month by calling my phone company, who gave me a better phone deal at a lower rate, AND they were partnered with DirecTV and gave me a discount on my cable bill! Slowly it will all come around. Try to eliminate the drama, it's not healthy.<br />
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Keep a positive attitude, no matter what! Best of luck!