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I Want To Walk Away From My Life

I hate my life. I am a mom to 10 children and am married to an alcoholic who has abused me for most our relationship. I never get any rest, I never have time alone, it is never quiet enough to think. I am stressed out all the time and have ended up in the emergency room several times for what I thought was a heart attack.

I just wish I could walk away from all of the responsibilities. Walk away from all of the doctor appointments, from all of the laundry, all of the dirty dishes, all of the screaming.

My house is a mess and I hate the filth!!! People automatically look at the mother if the house is messes. I do my best but I can't keep up with the amount of work to care for all these children and I have no one to help. I am trying to do it all on my own and I just can't cope.

I daydream about giving my children over to their dad and just walking away. Let him deal with the children, run errands, take kids to doctors, and clean. I think it would be nice to run away somewhere and get a little room to myself and a job. I'd pay him child support.

This situation probably wouldn't be this unbearable if I had some help or if my hands weren't tied when it came to organizing things. If I were allowed to bring order to this house...it wouldn't be so bad....if I were allowed to have two washing machines instead of one to make my work load easier....maybe then, things would be a little more bearable. But as they stand right now, I feel like I'm about to crack.

I just can't take it anymore. I need to get out.......even if it is only for a vacation. A month away from these kids and hubby would be heaven.
Jaynelle Jaynelle 36-40, F 5 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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Jaynelle, If you listen to what I have to say I promise your life will get better! First of all make a list for all the children, according to their age, what their job will be in the household as a family unit. From the oldest to the youngest, now of course the youngest may only be able to pick up toys but the older children can take turns cleaning after meals, bathroom, all kinds of things. The thing about this is you, you must be firm, and maybe offer an allowance for the help. After all know one person can can be expected to do everything, that makes for a very unhappy life.
If that doesn't work out, you might want to tell your husband to stay at home with the kids, take care of everything that your expected to do while you seek employment. BE FIRM! HOLD YOUR GROUND!

I feel for you. I also have a large family and have recently divorced my husband due to infidelity and lies. He and I are both adult children of alcoholics, although he himself didn't drink. (Neither do I.) So I am now a single mother of ten.<br />
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Have you been to al-anon? It helped me immensely. Try starting a list at www.42things.com of things you want to do in your life. Pick one and start doing it. Start planning for a future without your alcoholic husband, whether that's getting a part time job, or starting classes--anything that sets you on the road to being able to be away from him will give you hope.<br />
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Are the kids helping with the housework? Each of them should have a couple of chores a day. <br />
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I'm not there with your husband, I don't know if he's violent, but mine was a huge yeller. He played mind games, lied, and had me halfway to thinking I was crazy (in addition to undermining my attempts to teach the kids to help with chores.) On a forum, someone told me to just calmly say, "Stop yelling at me." And walk out of the room if he continues yelling. I couldn't imagine it would work, but amazingly, it did. Not the first time, not the second, but bit by bit, it had its effect, and I can hardly believe now how many years I put up with him treating me like that, thinking I had no choice.<br />
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I got stronger and happier by finding friends outside the marriage and my family circle (they're dysfunctional alcoholics who were leaving me feeling much like you do now--oh, wait, I'm here because they're at it again on Christmas Eve and I AM feeling like you are.) But pursuing a hobby and meeting those friends has changed my life completely.<br />
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Have you looked into resources for help--any sort of women's group, al-anon, financial assistance if that would help, battered women if there are abuse issues (and I'd guess there's at least verbal and emotional abuse going on if he's an alcoholic). I was able to file for divorce by going to my local legal aid for help.<br />
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Can you get out even once a month with family or friends? Even a walk to the park? I found it very helpful to buy a stationary bike from a thrift store ($5) and did a lot of riding to burn off the anger, for a long time, which of course had the additional benefit of getting in better shape.<br />
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I would recommend finding a counselor who does EMDR, too. My husband's insurance covered the cost almost entirely. If you don't have insurance, start calling churches to see if you can find someone to talk to.<br />
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For the house cleaning, try picking just one room to keep neat and clean to start with. <br />
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Also, are there things you can cut back on as far as errands, running around for the kids? Do you have a job outside the home? Are you able to start putting away money to leave your husband if he doesn't shape up? <br />
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I see you posted a long time ago. Maybe things are better already. I hope you'll write back and let people know, because even though we're anonymous in cyberspace, people do care.

I'm still too young to know what your feeling at the moment, but I'll let you know what came to my mind the moment I read this. Uhm...It may be hard, and very difficult for you to bear with all that stress over your shoulders, but still, you need to think for your child's sake. If you leave them with the father, wouldn't he be mad and abuse over the kids? What you need is a family talk, or something the similar. Talk with your kids about how life's been treating you, and the you can all come to an understanding. Yeah, I know: it's more easy to say it than doing it, but you can give up and leave it like that! Life is a long path: you suffer, you feel happiness, you feel love; a lot of things can happen all way along, so as there is a said: If you smile at life, sooner than later life will smile at you", or something the sort ^^; I guess I'm not being a help either...So I'll say one last thing! You're stronger than that man, so keep confident, and not give up!

I feel for you. Although I don't exactly have the experience of living with an abusive husband and dealing with ten children (although I must commend you on that), I do know what it feels like to feel stressed, frustrated and unloved, feeling helpless that you can't put a stop to the hell you're going through in your life right now.<br />
You are not alone. There are people out there willing to help you if you reach out to them. Take charge of your house, make order. Even if you feel you are helpless to stop all of this, you aren't and you are strong enough to change your life.

put the buggers to bed and take a little me time your childeren need you