I Want To Walk Away From My LifeI hate my life. I am a mom to 10 children and am married to an alcoholic who has abused me for most our relationship. I never get any rest, I never have time alone, it is never quiet enough to think. I am stressed out all the time and have ended up in the emergency room several times for what I thought was a heart attack.
I just wish I could walk away from all of the responsibilities. Walk away from all of the doctor appointments, from all of the laundry, all of the dirty dishes, all of the screaming.
My house is a mess and I hate the filth!!! People automatically look at the mother if the house is messes. I do my best but I can't keep up with the amount of work to care for all these children and I have no one to help. I am trying to do it all on my own and I just can't cope.
I daydream about giving my children over to their dad and just walking away. Let him deal with the children, run errands, take kids to doctors, and clean. I think it would be nice to run away somewhere and get a little room to myself and a job. I'd pay him child support.
This situation probably wouldn't be this unbearable if I had some help or if my hands weren't tied when it came to organizing things. If I were allowed to bring order to this house...it wouldn't be so bad....if I were allowed to have two washing machines instead of one to make my work load easier....maybe then, things would be a little more bearable. But as they stand right now, I feel like I'm about to crack.
I just can't take it anymore. I need to get out.......even if it is only for a vacation. A month away from these kids and hubby would be heaven.
Jaynelle 36-40, F 5 Responses 1 Feb 15, 2011