I Hate Life.

Am I doomed to live a life of quiet desperation? 

It seems for every step I take forward, I take another five back.

Bad habits return and so do the idle thoughts that accompany them. 

Watch the clock as the seconds tick by, the minutes and soon the hours disappear and I wonder where the day went. 

I thought I had a plan. A schematic on how to get better. The recipe to get my life back in order.

And then I realize the flaw in all of them. The flaw in all this planning. The very obvious error.

It's me.

I've tried to DO better. 

I've tried to BE better.

I've tried to THINK better.

But I always end up here. Back at square one. The progress bar resets itself. 

Is this the cruelty of life? 

Running endlessly on a treadmill with the promise "Oh just keep doing this and everything will be ok?"

As we lie to ourselves, thinking that maybe, just maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel?

Well I'm tired of bullshitting myself, because this is one ******* long tunnel. 

And if I do see the light, I hope its a damned train. 

 

Because if this is life, this sad miserable sack of ****.

I sure as hell don't want to live it.

innoc3nt innoc3nt
18-21, M
1 Response May 19, 2012

Hate life, and life will hate you right back. And, no you are not doomed. Have you ever thought that you might just be on the wrong track. I'll tell you something...I just realized that I've been on the wrong track for years, and I'm now making the effort to stay on the right track. It will be hard, and sometimes there will be setbacks, but I think persistence will pay off eventually. Plan for the setbacks, know that when you start some kind of plan that you will fall off the rails now and again. You cannot be perfect in anything. When you hit a setback, just say, "this is part of it, and once I've got the energy to keep going, I'm going to keep going." Just make sure you have the right plan.