****.

I feel like a gigantic pile of ****.

I feel like a failure.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I have lost COMPLETE direction.

I have lost interest in EVERYTHING in life.

NOTHING inspires me anymore.

NOTHING excites me anymore.

I don't look forward to anything anymore.

My entire identity just dissolved in front of me.

 

WHO AM I?

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH ME?

 

I feel my whole life has been a lie.

I don't know who to trust anymore.

I can't even trust myself anymore.

What do you do when EVERYTHING collapses in an instant?

What do you do when YOU are your own ENEMY? 

When YOU are the biggest obstacle?

 

SAVE ME FROM MY MIND.

SAVE ME….FROM ME.

 

I thought I had it. I thought I knew. I thought maybe, just MAYBE. Everything would work out okay.

I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT I WANTED. 

I thought that perhaps life MAY have been worth living. 

What a fool.

I WAS SUCH A FOOL. 

Such a complete utter fool.

 

HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS?

I am ******* SICK and TIRED of this ****** up BULLSHIT.

GOD ******* DAMNIT, why do I bother going on?

WHY IN THE **** DO I BOTHER GOING ON.

 

**** IT.

**** EVERYTHING.

****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****!!!!!!!!!

 

ARGH.

I just want to go yell out in the street and punch someone in the face.

I have completely lost the spark of life. I thought I COULD reignite it. Now I'm not so sure anymore. 

 

I DON'T understand! How did I end up here? 

How did MY MIND deteriorate so badly?

It's FRUSTRATING. 

I cannot find a reason. 

Do I only have myself to blame?

Perhaps this is the rock bottom I've been waiting for.

The single point where I now have NOTHING to lose, so I can move FORWARD without FEAR of LOSS. Or maybe that is just optimistic thinking. 

 

I don't understand. I just don't. 

I just… 

Just…

I just…

Don't know anymore…

anymore...

innoc3nt innoc3nt
18-21, M
1 Response May 24, 2012

What happened? Did you just lose something?